The Space Between
by Steph36
Summary: How does the gang deal when Soda gets sick?
1. Chapter 1

As I stepped into the DX for my Friday night shift, I looked at my best friend with concern. Soda was leaning on the counter with his chin resting on one hand, looking like he was trying his best to stay awake. This wasn't the part that concerned me—falling asleep at two-thirty in the afternoon at the DX wasn't very hard to do. People were still at work and most of the girls who hung around to flirt with Soda after school were still at home fixing themselves up. What worried me was that Soda had looked just as tired last night when we were closing up even though he was usually pretty energetic, even at that time of night. Plus, he looked kinda pale. I decided to pass it off as just not sleeping well. Ponyboy was probably having nightmares again. The kid needed to grow up and stop relying on Soda so much. "Hey Soda," I called, hoping to snap him out of his daze.

"Hey Steve," he answered, trying to hide a yawn.

I walked over and leaned against the counter. "What's up? Late night last night?" I knew it would bug him if I mentioned my guess about Pony's nightmares right off.

"Nah, I went to bed early last night. Slept till after Darry and Pony left, too. Guess I've been working too much or something."

That didn't sound like Soda to me. He'd always been practically bursting with energy, ever since I'd met him. I let it slide, though. Maybe he really had just been too busy lately and was crashing. I know he'd picked up a couple extra shifts while Brad, our supervisor, was away on vacation. "Try this. Maybe it'll help wake ya up." I threw him a chocolate bar, figuring he could use the sugar rush.

"No thanks. Not really hungry." He pushed it aside. Weird. Soda was always hungry, especially when it came to chocolate. Maybe I should talk to Darry when our shift was done and see if he's noticed anything.

The night wore on and Soda looked worse every hour. By the time we locked the doors at 10:15 he looked just about ready to pass out. We walked real slow the two blocks to his house, Soda dragging his feet the whole way. When we got there, he went right to his room without even saying hi to Darry, who was sitting in his favourite chair reading the newspaper. He looked at me apprehensively. "What's up with him?"

"I dunno. He's been practically falling asleep all night. I was hoping you knew what was wrong." I looked at Darry, hoping he could shed some light on his brother's strange behavior.

He looked at me, concerned. "He slept for forever last night. How can he be tired today?"

I shrugged. "He said he's just been working too hard this week, but I don't buy it."

Darry got up and made his way down the hall to Soda's and Pony's room, me following right behind him. He opened the door and we found Soda fast asleep on his bed, still dressed in his DX uniform. He'd managed to get his shoes off, though. Darry walked over to the bed and tried to shake him awake. "Soda. Soda, you gotta wake up." He managed to get a groan out of Soda, and after another minute of shaking he woke up.

"Mmm…what's wrong Darry? Why'd ya wake me up?"

"We're worried about you," Darry answered. "Steve said you barely made it through your shift. That's not like you and you know it."

Soda sighed. "It's nothing, Dar. I'm just tired, that's all. I'll be better tomorrow." Darry looked at me and I could see he wasn't buying it either. He put his hand on Soda's forehead and frowned.

"Soda, you're not fine. You've got a fever, and I'll bet that it didn't just start. You're staying home tomorrow." Soda started to argue, but he'd barely even opened his mouth before Darry gave him a look that shut him right up.

"Fine. But just tomorrow. I'm going back on Monday."

Darry didn't answer. I knew he didn't want to let Soda go back to work till he was one hundred percent better. He didn't need to answer, anyway—Soda had already fallen back to sleep. Darry got up and motioned to me that we should leave. When we were back in the living room, he turned to me. "Steve, can you find someone to work Soda's shift tomorrow?"

"Sure, no problem Darry. I'll drop by after work to see how he is."

"Thanks. And thanks for getting him home tonight, Steve. Night"

"Night." I turned and left the Curtis house feeling a bit better about my best friend. He probably just had the flu and now that he was home and Darry could take care of him, he would be fine.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the great reviews everyone! My creative writing skills are a little rusty, so it was nice to get some positive comments. And I had to giggle a little at the comments about grammar—I'm qualified to teach English up to grade 10, so that's one thing I'd better not mess up on!

Anyway, here's chapter 2. It'll pick up more in the next chapter, I promise. Kudos to anyone who can guess what Soda has!

Pony came home not long after Steve left, letting the door slam behind him. I looked up from my newspaper and glared at him. "Pony, do ya have to make such a racket?" He looked at me like I'd just kicked his puppy and I sighed. I'd been really trying to lay off him lately and I didn't want to ruin it. "Sorry, Pony, I didn't mean it. It's just Soda's got the flu and he's sleeping. I didn't want you to wake him up."

Pony's look instantly changed from hurt to concern. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he should be fine. He just has a fever and needs to rest. He's not going in to work tomorrow. You going to be okay sleeping in there tonight? I don't want you to get sick, too."

Pony didn't hesitate. "I'll be fine." I smiled—it amazed me how close my two brothers were. I'm sure Pony wanted to stay with Soda to make sure he was okay and didn't need anything in the night. I watched him go off down the hall, then went to the kitchen to get a few supplies for Soda for the night. After grabbing a glass of water and some aspirins, I quietly opened their bedroom door. Pony was in his pajamas and was about to climb into bed next to the still sleeping Soda. "Darry, what if he gets sick in the night?" Hmm. Good point. I moved the garbage can next to Soda's side of the bed. Pony seemed satisfied, so I turned to leave.

"Call me if you need anything, or if he gets worse." I looked at Pony firmly, letting him know I'd rather he get me than let me sleep. He nodded and I closed the door.

I woke up later to Pony calling my name. I jumped out of bed and ran to my brothers' room. Throwing the door open, I saw Soda leaning over the side of the bed retching into the garbage can, Pony kneeling next to him with his hand on Soda's back. I quickly joined Pony on the floor, trying to offer whatever comfort I could to both my brothers. "What happened?"

"I don't know. He just woke up and started getting sick. Dar, is he going to be okay?"

Before I could answer, Soda did it for me. "I'm fine, Pony. It's just the flu. I'm sorry I woke you up. Go back to sleep." He lay back in bed, his face covered in sweat from the effort of throwing up. I knew he was right, but that didn't stop me from worrying, and I know it didn't help Pony none, either.

I went over to their closet and grabbed Soda's pajamas. "Here, let's get you out of your work clothes." He looked down at himself, just now realizing what he was wearing.

"Sure, sounds good." As I helped him change, Pony climbed back into bed, still looking worried. Soda saw the look on his face, too. "Really, Pony, there's nothing' to worry about." I put Soda's clothes in the laundry hamper and turned out their light, telling myself that he was right.

When I woke up in the morning, I still felt like crap. Mostly I was just tired, but I had a headache, too, and my whole body hurt. This was one hell of a flu. I rolled over and looked at the clock. Shit! It was one in the afternoon! How the hell did I sleep for fourteen hours? I groaned and stumbled out of bed to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and cringed; I looked like shit. Darry must've heard me cause he knocked on the door a second later.

"Soda? What're you doing up? You should be in bed."

I sighed. I loved Darry, but sometimes he was way too overprotective, especially since Mom and Dad died. "I'm just gonna have a shower, Dar. Then I'll go back to bed." He gave me one of his famous big brother looks. "I swear!" I guess he believed me cause he let me be. I really was going to go back to bed, no arguments. I figured that the more I slept the sooner I'd feel better.

By the time I was done in the shower and had dried off, I was exhausted. I walked back to my room, threw on some clean pajamas and tossed my towel into the hamper. I was just climbing into bed again when Darry walked in with some chicken soup. "You should eat something, help get your strength back." I winced inwardly. I really didn't feel like eating, but I knew there was no arguing with Darry, so I took a few bites anyway. He frowned when I put the bowl on my nightstand still half full. "Soda, you need to eat."

"I know, Darry, but I'm just not hungry." He didn't look happy. "Look, I'll try and eat more later. For now, I'm just going to get some more sleep." Hearing that I was going to rest seemed to satisfy him.

"Okay. Call me if you need me, Pepsi." He left the room, closing the door behind him. I sighed and lay back down on the bed, hoping I would start feeling better after a few more hours sleep. I couldn't remember ever having a flu this bad before.

I woke up again at 9:00 to find Pony lying next to me reading a book. "Hey, Soda. How ya feeling?" I thought about it. I didn't feel nearly as bad as I did yesterday. I guess I was starting to kick this thing.

"Better. Tired still, but definitely better."

He smiled. "I'll go tell Darry."

I stopped him. "No, I'll go out there. I need to get up and move a bit." Pony looked at me uncertainly. Lordy! Both my brothers worried way too much. I guess it was because we had just lost too many people in the past couple years. "Pony, stop looking at me like that. I can walk down the hall."

When I reached the living room Darry looked up from his newspaper in surprise. "What're you doing up, Soda?"

"I'm feeling better and I needed to get up and move around a little. Twenty-four hours is way too long to spend in bed."

Darry laughed and nodded his head. "Yeah, I'd be going crazy by now, too. You hungry? You didn't eat much before." I really wasn't hungry at all, but I agreed to eat a piece of toast to make Darry happy. By the time I'd finished the toast I was pretty tired again. I wanted to stay up a bit longer just for a change of scenery, but Darry saw my face and went into big brother mode. "Okay, Soda, time to get back to bed." I groaned but didn't argue. I was sick of sleeping, but I was tired enough to keep doing it. I made my way back to my room and climbed in next to Pony, who was already asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks again for the reviews everyone! They really keep me motivated to keep going quickly. This is unfortunately the last chapter that I have prewritten, so updates might slow down a bit—depends how much time I have because my schedule is completely unpredictable. From here on out the story is going to get a bit technical in places. I have tried to research thoroughly, but I have no personal experience with any of this, and most of the research pertains to modern times, not the sixties. Also, I almost failed grade 13 bio, so that's a bit of a hindrance. ;) One last thing—I put a spacer between points of view. I didn't realize how the formatting showed up for the last one—sorry! If I repost chapter 2 will it delete my reviews?

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It was Friday afternoon and school had just finished. I was on my way home, trying to figure out what I was going to do tonight. There hadn't been as much to do since Johnny and Dally had died. Soda and Steve worked every other Friday night and on the ones they had off they usually found a party to go to. I figured that's what they'd do tonight. Soda was feeling a lot better than last weekend; he was almost back to his normal self. He was still kinda tired, but otherwise he seemed okay. When I walked through the door into our house I saw him sitting on the couch with his head resting in his hands. As soon as he heard the door he raised his head and smiled at me, but the smile was strained. "Hey Pony. How was school?"

I didn't buy his act for a second. Something wasn't right and he was trying to hide it. "What's wrong, Soda? You don't look so hot."

"It's just a headache, nothing major. Hey, did Steve say anything to you? He said he'd come by tonight."

"Soda, you look real pale. Maybe you shouldn't go out tonight."

He sighed. "Pone, I've been stuck here all week cause of that flu and I need to get out and actually do something. I'm not gonna let a headache stop me."

I was gonna argue more, but right then Darry walked through the door. He took one look at Soda and must've seen the same thing I did, cause he was on his case right away. "Soda, you're not going out tonight, are you? You don't look good."

Soda groaned. "I'm fine! It's just a headache, probably from sittin' around here too long. I'm gonna go find Steve." He got up and started heading for the door, but stopped after just a couple steps. He was pale before, but now his face was totally drained of all colour. He stood on the spot for half a second, then his eyes rolled back in his head and he fell to the ground and his whole body started shaking. Darry and I both ran over to him. I didn't know what to do; I'd never seen anything like this. I looked over to Darry who looked just as worried as I felt.

"Soda? Soda, can you hear me?" Darry tried getting him to come around, but it wasn't working; Soda just kept shaking and his eyes weren't focused on anything. I was starting to panic. What was happening to my brother?

"Darry, what's wrong with him?" I could hear my voice wavering.

"He's having a seizure. Pony, do you know what to do when someone has a seizure?" He looked at me, his face anxious. I shook my head. I'd counted on Darry knowing what to do; he always knew, no matter what the situation was. At that moment, all I knew was that I was scared to death.

After what felt like forever, Soda stopped shaking and his eyes closed. He groaned and then opened his eyes again. He looked up at Darry, confused. "Darry? What happened? Why am I on the floor?"

"You had a seizure, Soda," Darry answered. "How do you feel?"

"My head hurts…." Soda pinched his eyes closed, obviously in pain. My stomach felt like it was tied in knots. Something had to be seriously wrong, but I had no idea what.

Darry took charge. "Let's get you to the hospital and get you checked out," he said, putting his arm around Soda to help him up. Soda nodded and let Darry help him to the truck. I followed them out, keeping my eyes on Soda the whole time. No one talked the whole way over. I spent the entire time praying that my brother was okay. I'd already lost too much; I didn't think I could take losing him, too.

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As I helped Soda into the truck, a million thoughts were going through my head. What could be wrong with him that would make him have a seizure? This couldn't still be the flu. He was leaning on me a lot, letting me support him. When he was buckled in, he put his head back and closed his eyes. I guess his head was still bugging him. We drove in silence and when we got to the hospital I parked as close as I could so Soda wouldn't have to walk so far. I helped him into the building, but he didn't lean on me as much as before. I was thankful that at least he was feeling a bit better for now. Maybe whatever was wrong wasn't too bad. I wasn't getting my hopes up too high, though. I could tell Pony was worried, too. He kept his eyes glued on Soda and stayed as close as he could. I don't know if he was expecting another seizure or if he just needed to be sure Soda was okay. When we got into the ER I got Soda settled into a chair and then went to check him in. The room didn't look crowded, so I was hoping we wouldn't have to wait too long. After I talked to the woman behind the desk I went back to sit with my brothers. I felt better when I saw Soda's eyes open and some colour in his face again. "Feeling better, little buddy?"

Soda smiled back at me and nodded. "Yeah. I'm kinda tired, but the headache isn't so bad now."

"Good. You gave us a good scare—don't do that again."

"Yeah, I'll try not too," he smirked.

It didn't take long for a nurse to call us. She took us into a curtained off area and had Soda sit on the bed while Pony and I found a couple chairs. She repeated Soda's symptoms off the list I'd given earlier—tiredness, vomiting, fever, headaches, and the seizure. Not long after she left a doctor came in to see us. "Hello, I'm Doctor Woods and I'll be treating you tonight." He looked at the chart, then at Soda. "So, I can see your symptoms here. How long have they been going on?"

"Umm…about a week, I guess," Soda replied.

"And just the one seizure? Any other history of them?"

"No, just tonight. Do you know why I had it?" Soda sounded worried.

"That's what we're going to find out." Dr. Woods smiled at us. "Any symptoms besides the ones listed here?"

Soda thought about it. "Not really. I've been kinda achy, but not that bad. And I haven't been hungry the past couple weeks."

The doctor added these to his list then looked back at Soda. "Okay, we're going to start with a simple blood test and see what that turns up. It might just be the flu, but it's better to be safe."

Soda cringed a little. He'd never liked needles, not since he was a little kid. Mom used to have to bribe him to get him to take any shot. Something was still bugging me, though. While Dr. Woods was getting the needle ready I asked, "But what about the seizure? If it's the flu, why would that happen?"

"Sometimes people will have a seizure when they are very stressed out or run down, and the flu would definitely cause that. It's not very common, but it does happen." Well, that made me feel a bit better, anyway. The Doctor had Soda roll up his t-shirt sleeve so he could take the blood. Pony squeezed his hand and Soda smiled at him gratefully. He was tough, but that didn't mean he didn't still hate needles.

Doctor Woods finished drawing the blood, then taped up Soda's arm. "I'll send this to the lab and be back with the results as soon as I can. It'll probably be a couple of hours, so you should try and make yourselves comfortable." Soda sighed. I know he'd been looking forward to going out tonight after being stuck at home all week and I'm sure he was frustrated that he had to spend his Friday night at the hospital instead. I wasn't too thrilled about it either, but if it would help him get better it was worth it.

By the time the doctor got back Soda was asleep on the hospital bed. There was another doctor with Dr. Woods, and that worried me. Why would we need two doctors in here? Pony must have been thinking the same thing cause he shot me a scared look. I squeezed his shoulder, then went over to Soda and gently shook him awake. "Come on, Soda. You gotta wake up—the doctor is back." He groaned a little but he opened his eyes and sat up slowly.

Dr. Woods waited till Soda was completely sitting up, then spoke. "Hello Soda. I brought a colleague of mine, Dr. Sheldon, to see you. He wants to do a quick exam and then we'll talk about the results of your blood test." I tried to read his face, but he must have been one hell of a poker player cause I couldn't tell anything.

"Soda, how long have you been feeling sick?" Dr. Sheldon asked.

"About a week. Maybe two."

"I'd like to examine your neck. Have you had any discomfort there?"

Soda looked confused. "No, it feels fine."

Dr. Sheldon felt the sides of Soda's neck, then asked him to raise each of his arms while he felt underneath them. He turned to Dr. Woods and nodded, who sighed. This was the first sign he'd given about whether the news was good or bad, and I had a sinking feeling that it wasn't good. "Soda, your blood test shows a very high white blood cell count. What Dr. Sheldon did just now was to test your lymph nodes to see if they were enlarged, and unfortunately, they are. Along with the other symptoms you've been experiencing, I'm afraid there's only one diagnosis we can make. You have acute lymphoblastic leukemia.

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Kudos to daydreambeliever95 for guessing correctly about Soda's condition. I'll try and get the next chapter out by Friday!


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks again to everyone for all the great reviews! They keep me motivated to continue writing. :) To answer daydreambeliever's question, Dr. Sheldon's name is a total coincidence. I didn't even realize that was Bob's last name until it was pointed out to me. I had actually planned for a lot more to happen in this chapter, but it took on a life of its own at the end. Two-Bit will be showing up, it just hasn't quite worked out yet. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

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I felt like I had just been punched in the gut. Soda had leukemia? I looked at Dr. Woods, hoping he would start laughing and tell us it had all been a joke, that Soda was really fine and just needed a couple weeks of rest, but I felt my hopes fade when I saw that the look on his face was deadly serious. I looked at my brothers; Soda looked completely shell shocked, like he couldn't quite understand what he was being told. Pony had turned pale and looked like he might be sick. "Are you sure?" I asked. Maybe there was another possibility; maybe Soda had something that looked like leukemia but wasn't really.

"I'm afraid so," Dr. Woods answered. "I'm sorry I can't give you better news. However, Dr. Sheldon here is one of the country's leading oncologists, so you couldn't be in better hands."

I turned to Dr. Sheldon. "So, what can we do? How do we fight this?" I'd be damned if I let Soda go without giving it everything I could.

"I won't lie to you," he started. "The odds aren't good. The survival rate for leukemia is only five percent. However, we're making progress in research all the time. The most important thing is to not give up hope; five percent is low, but it's not zero." I felt my stomach drop to my feet. Five percent? No matter how good this guy was, that didn't give us much chance. I knew he was right, though. We couldn't give up hope; it would kill all of us, not just Soda. "The first thing I'm going to do is run some tests tonight, then on Monday we'll start chemotherapy. We'll do that for two weeks, then give your body a chance to rest. I'd like you to stay in the hospital during the first round of chemo so we can see how you react to it. It'll also give your brothers a chance to learn how to take care of you while you're undergoing treatment. It's going to be rough, Soda, but you have your brothers for support. Soda just nodded, still not saying anything. What do you say when someone tells you you're probably gonna die?

"What tests are you doing tonight?" I asked.

"I'll do two tests tonight. The first is a bone marrow biopsy. I'll put a needle into your hip, Soda, to get a sample of your bone marrow. Second, I'll have to do a lumbar puncture to collect some of your cerebrospinal fluid. I'll need you to sign the consent forms," he added, looking at me. "Both of these procedures will let us know how far the cancer has spread so that we can treat you more effectively."

"What's a lumbar puncture?" Pony asked. I glanced over at him. He looked scared, but his colour had come back.

"I'll have Soda lie on his side while I use a needle to draw fluid from his spine. It's a fairly common procedure, so you don't need to worry about it."

Soda finally spoke up. "Can I have a couple minutes? I need to use the bathroom." His voice sounded flat and he still looked stunned.

"Of course," Dr. Sheldon said in a kind voice. "I'll get the consent forms for your brother to sign while we wait."

Soda got off the bed and walked out of our curtained off area, leaving his shoes behind. I thought about following him to make sure he was alright, but I decided to give him a few minutes alone. Pony started to stand up, but I put my hand on his arm to stop him. He seemed to understand and he sat back down. While Dr. Sheldon went to get the forms, I looked over at Pony. "He's going to be okay, Pone. We're going to fight this, and Soda's going to make it through."

Pony looked at me doubtfully. "But Dar, the doctor said only five--"

I cut him off quickly. "I know what the doctor said, but there's no reason why Soda won't be one of the five percent. Look Pony, Soda needs us to be positive right now. It doesn't matter how worried we are, we need to be there for him." Pony didn't say anything more, but I don't think I made him feel any better.

Dr. Sheldon came back with the forms for me to sign and started going over them with me. I guess there were some complications with the lumbar puncture that could happen, but he said they weren't very common. By the time we'd finished Soda had been gone for ten minutes and I was starting to get worried. He'd been hit with a lot tonight and I wasn't sure he knew how to deal with it. Ponyboy looked at the clock, then at me. I sighed. "Yeah, I know. I'm gonna go look for him."

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I got outta that room as fast as I could. I know Darry was worried about me, but right then I didn't care. I felt like I was gonna suffocate if I stayed there any longer listening to the doctor. There was a nurse in the hall and I asked her where the bathroom was. I barely heard her directions, but somehow I managed to follow them and I found myself inside a bathroom stall leaning over the toilet and getting sick. After a couple minutes I leaned my head back against the stall wall, sweating and panting. I couldn't believe what was happening. I couldn't be sick. Not that sick. I mean, I didn't feel great, but I didn't feel like I was dying! I didn't want to die! I was only seventeen. Dally was seventeen when he died and Johnny was sixteen, so I guess there's no reason why I couldn't die. And now this doctor wanted to do all these tests on me and stick me with a bunch of needles. I tensed up at that thought. I know I'm a greaser and I'm tough and everything, but I really hated needles. With a punch you didn't really know when it was coming and there was always adrenaline in a fight, so sometimes you didn't even feel the pain till later. But with needles, you had to just sit there and wait for them. I didn't know much about chemo, but I knew it made you sick and made you lose your hair. I was so proud of my hair and I already felt sick; I didn't want to feel worse.

All these thoughts were going through my head so fast I thought I was gonna pass out. I don't know how long I sat on that bathroom floor, but it must have been a while because eventually Darry came looking for me. He came into the room and started calling for me. "Soda? Soda, you in here?" I didn't say anything. I thought that maybe if I just stayed where I was everything would go away. Maybe I would fall asleep and when I woke up I would be home in bed and it would have all been a bad dream. Darry figured out I was there, though, and stopped outside my stall. "Soda, can I come in?"

No matter how much I wanted to pretend none of this was happening, I knew there was no point. I took a deep breath, then reached up and unlocked the stall door. Darry pushed it open and as I looked up into his worried face, I felt any control I had left slip away and I started sobbing. He came into the stall, locking it behind him, and sat down on the floor beside me. He wrapped his arms around me and started rubbing my shoulders and back. I buried my head in chest and cried harder. I didn't care if I was a greaser; no one was here, anyway, so what difference did it make if I cried? Darry just kept rubbing me, trying to make me feel better. When I'd calmed down a bit, I looked up at him. "I don't want to die, Darry," I whispered. "I don't want to die." I buried my head back into his chest even though I'd mostly stopped crying by now. I just wanted the whole world to go away, and right now, Darry could do that for me.

"It's going to be okay, Soda," Darry soothed. "We're going to get through this, you'll see. You're going to fight it. Me and Pony and the gang'll be there to help you and you're going to be okay."

I knew he didn't know that for sure, but right then I let myself believe him. Darry was always right. He had to be right this time, too. I pulled back from him and took a big breath. "Okay, let's go back."

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Well, how was it? Too dramatic, or did it work?


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks so much for the reviews, everyone! I'm glad there were a few tears in the last chapter because I was tearing up writing it. I'm happy right now cause I got this chapter up sooner than I'd planned. I'll try and get another out before the weekend, but it depends if I pick up extra work for the week.

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The whole time Darry was gone I kept looking at the clock. What was taking him so long to find Sodapop? I couldn't believe this was happening. This morning we thought he was gettin' over the flu and now the doctors were telling us there was almost no chance he was gonna live. I know Darry said we had to keep up hope, but I didn't see how we could. I decided to at least fake it for Soda's sake, though. I could tell from his face that the reality of everything was hitting him real hard. Soda was always so full of life and his eyes were always dancing. When his face froze up like it had a few minutes ago it meant that reality was finally breaking through to him. Finally, Darry and Soda came back into our "room." Darry had his arm around Soda's shoulders and he gave them a squeeze before letting go and sitting back down. Soda smiled at me briefly; it was a tight smile and it didn't reach his eyes, but at least it was something. He wasn't in shock anymore, and I figured that was probably good. I smiled back at him.

Dr. Sheldon had left when Darry did. He must have seen them come back, though, cause he returned right then, too. "Okay Soda, are you ready to get started?"

Soda's voice was a little shaky. "Yeah, I guess so."

"I'll need you to take your shirt off and lie down on your side." While Soda did this, Dr. Sheldon got his stuff ready and kept talking. "I know you're nervous about these procedures, but there's nothing to worry about. They'll be uncomfortable, but both of them are very safe." I knew that's not what Soda was worried about. He knew Darry would stop anything he didn't think was safe. Soda was worried about being stuck with a bunch of needles. As soon as I'd asked about the lumbar puncture is when he'd bolted from the room. It looked like Darry had calmed him down, though, and I was glad of that.

Soda was lying on the bed now, facing us. His face looked calm, but I could see in his eyes that he was still scared. He didn't look at either of us. Instead he just stared straight ahead. "Alright, Soda. I need you to pull your jeans down—just your jeans, and not all the way. I just need to have access to your hipbone." Soda did this silently. "I'm going to clean the area. It's going to feel a bit cold." While he did this, Darry reached out for Soda's hand. I did the same thing so each of us was holding one of his hands. He squeezed mine and I don't know if he was thanking me or if he wanted comfort. I squeezed back. After the doctor had cleaned everything he draped a sheet over the bottom half of Soda, then got a needle ready. The sheet had part of it cut out where his hip was. "Soda, I'm going to give you an anesthetic now. There's going to be two needles to make sure the anesthetic goes deep enough. I know it's hard, but try to relax." I felt Soda tense up. Dr. Sheldon put a small needle into Soda's hip, then took it out again and put in a bigger one. "I'm going to collect the bone marrow sample now. You're going to find this uncomfortable, but the area should be numbed enough that it isn't painful." Soda squeezed my hand again as the doctor put a large needle that was connected to a syringe into his hip. He pulled back on the syringe and I saw something small get sucked up into it. I felt my stomach lurch. That was a piece of Soda's bone. I glanced over at Darry, who was looking at it too, but I couldn't read his face. Dr. Sheldon put the bone marrow fragment into a container, then took the needle out. "That was good, Soda. You're doing really well. Are you ready for the lumbar puncture?"

"Yeah, let's get it over with."

The doctor took the sheet off of Soda, then brought over a different tray of instruments. "I'm going to clean off part of your back now. I need to you bring your head down and your needs up so that you're lying in the fetal position, okay?"

"Okay," Soda answered, doing as he was told.

Dr. Sheldon got Soda ready, then put another sheet over him. This one had a different part cut out. "I'm going to give you another anesthetic now." He put a needle into Soda's back, wiggled it around a bit, then pulled it out. "Now Soda, that will help, but I'm afraid this will still be a painful procedure. I know it's hard, but I need you to relax as much as you can so we can get the most accurate results." Soda shot a scared look at Darry, then at me, then back to Darry.

"It's okay, little buddy," Darry soothed. It'll be over in a few minutes." I don't think this helped Soda much cause he was holding onto my hand pretty tight.

"I'm going to insert the needle now." As Dr. Sheldon put the needle into Soda's back, Soda clutched my hand even tighter. His eyes clouded over with pain and after a minute he squeezed them shut. "Okay, the needle is in as far as it needs to go. It'll take a few minutes to collect the fluid though. Keep up the good work, Soda. Remember to keep breathing regularly." Soda was breathing really fast and uneven; I could hear him try and regulate it a bit better, but it wasn't much of a change. I couldn't stand seeing Soda like this, so I watched Dr. Sheldon move containers under the needle to catch the fluid. After a few minutes he took the needle out. I instantly felt Soda loosen his grip on my hand. "That was excellent, Soda. We're all done for tonight. You need to stay lying down for another few hours, though, to reduce the chance of getting a headache. Before you leave, I'll come back to discuss Monday." He collected all of his equipment and left us alone.

Soda let go of our hands and pulled his pants back on properly, then rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. I didn't know what to do. Soda wasn't sayin' anything and I didn't know if we should try and get him to talk or leave him be. I didn't even know if I wanted to talk. I was terrified; terrified of losing Soda and of what he was going to go through while he was sick. A kid in my class had gotten cancer a couple years ago. He'd missed a ton of school and when he was there he'd looked awful. He always had bags under his eyes and he lost a lot of weight and all his hair. I didn't want that to happen to Soda. Suddenly, my stomach growled and I realized I hadn't eaten anything since lunch. "You should go get something to eat," Soda said, looking over at me. "Both of you," he added to Darry.

Darry took out his wallet and handed me a few bills. "Pony, go hunt down some food for all of us. I'm gonna stay here." I didn't want to leave Soda, but I was starving. I got up and left, taking one last look at Soda on my way out.

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When Pony came back with a few sandwiches from the cafeteria, Soda was asleep. He hadn't said anything and I hadn't forced him to talk. His face had been so full of pain and fear when I'd found him in the bathroom. I didn't know what to say to him to make him feel better. I didn't think there was anything I could say, so I just let him lie quietly. I wanted to wake him up so he could eat something, but I knew he needed to sleep. Monday was going to be hard on him and he'd need all the rest he could get. It was midnight by the time Dr. Sheldon came back. I woke Soda up so he could hear what the doctor had to say. It was obvious he was still half asleep, though, so Dr. Sheldon talked mostly to me.

"As I said, I'd like Soda to stay in the hospital during his first round of chemotherapy, just to be safe. Darrel, you and Ponyboy won't have to be here all the time, but I'd like you make sure you both learn what you'll need to do to treat Soda at home. I can tell from tonight that you're both going to want to be here as much as you can anyway." He was sure right about that one. I wasn't gonna leave Soda alone here any longer than I had to, and I knew Pony wasn't either. "Make sure anyone else who will be helping out comes in, too." That would be Steve and Two-Bit. Man, I wasn't looking forward to telling them about this. "Soda, the treatment is going to make you very sick. I won't know for sure how strong I'll need to make your meds until I get the tests results from tonight back, but it will be intense either way. You need to make sure that you rest up this weekend so that your body is as strong as possible."

"Don't worry, I'll make sure he takes it easy." No matter how much Soda argued, I wanted him to be as ready as he could for this. Not that any of us would really be ready.

"Alright, then I'll see you Monday morning. If you could be here at 8:00 then we'll start right away."

"Doctor, there's one more thing. How much is this gonna cost?" I was gonna do whatever it took to get the money, but I needed to know what I was facing.

"The medication is expensive. We have a program set up to finance the cost of treatments if money is an issue." I frowned. I didn't want to take any handouts. He must have noticed my change in expression cause he added, "It's not charity. The hospital gets publicity and our cancer program gets government funding for more research."

I knew I didn't have much choice. We didn't have much money as it was and Soda wasn't gonna be able to help with the bills anymore. I guess since the hospital benefited, too, it wasn't so bad. "Alright, we'll go into that program." Dr. Sheldon nodded and left. I turned to my brothers. "Let's get home. It's been a long night."

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I groaned as the sound of a car door slamming woke me up. I'd been having a great dream about Evie; we were in the back of my car and she looked amazing…I shook myself outta the dream. This was not the place to start thinking about shit like that. I was spendin' the night on the Curtis' couch cause the old man had kicked me out again. I don't even know why he did it this time. Doesn't matter anyway. I realized the guys were home and looked at the clock. Geez. Where the hell had they been till 12:30 at night? Soda and Pony might stay out that late, but Darry didn't. I looked up when they came through the door. All three of them looked beat. Soda and Pony went right to their room; I don't think they even noticed I was there. Darry saw me, though, and came over to join me on the couch. "Hey, Steve." He sounded exhausted, too.

"What happened to you guys tonight? All three of you look awful." I thought maybe Pony'd gotten himself into trouble again. Darry sighed and rubbed his eyes. He looked more serious than I'd ever seen him. "Darry, what is?"

"Soda had a seizure this afternoon." Huh? That didn't make sense. I wanted to say somethin' but I could see Darry was having trouble gettin' this out, so I shut up and let him talk. "We took him to the hospital and they did some tests on him. There's no easy way to say this…" He looked me in the eyes and right then I knew it was gonna be bad. "Steve, Soda has leukemia." His words hit me like a ton of bricks. Bad was an understatement.

"What…how…" I couldn't even put together a whole thought much less a sentence. I fumbled in my jacket for my pack of cigarettes and lit up. After a couple puffs my head started to clear but I still couldn't wrap my mind around what Darry had told me. "How's Soda doin'?"

"He's a bit better than when he first heard about it. He's not in shock anymore, but he's pretty shaken up still." I'll bet he is. "He was real tired when we left the hospital, though, so he's probably asleep already. Pony, too." Crap—I hadn't even thought about Pony. The kid might annoy me sometimes, but he loved Soda more than anything in the world. Losing him would kill Pony, especially after everything else that's happened.

"Now what? What're they gonna to do to fix him?"

Darry sighed again. "Soda's going into the hospital on Monday for two weeks to start chemo. They said we can do it at home after that. But Steve, you've gotta know they might not be able to 'fix him.' The doctor said only five percent of people survive."

I didn't care about the odds. I wasn't gonna lose my best friend. "He's gonna live Darry. I'm not gonna let him die."

Darry smiled at me. "Good. Keep that attitude. It's exactly what Soda needs right now." He stood up and yawned. "I've gotta work in the morning. Night, Steve."

"Night, Darry." It took me a long time to get back to sleep that night.

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Hopefully you're all happy to see Steve back. :) Two-Bit will be showing up in the next chapter. Reviews are always appreciated!


	6. Chapter 6

I realized I haven't put a disclaimer on here, yet….so, I do not own The Outsiders or any of the characters.

Well, here's the next chapter. Hope everyone enjoys! Also, happy Earth Day!!

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I was whistling as I walked through the front door of the Curtis' house on Saturday morning. It was a gorgeous day outside, one of the nicest we'd had so far this spring. I was thinkin' it was a good day to get in a game of football with the guys before gettin' boozed up tonight. "Mornin' everyone!" I yelled. I found Ponyboy and Steve sitting at the kitchen table in silence. I didn't see why they should look so sulky on a day like this. "Geez, who died?" They both glared at me rather harshly. "Okay, I see we've entered the no humour zone. What's up with you guys today?" Nothing in the world could have prepared me for the words that were going to come out of Steve's mouth.

"Soda has cancer," he said bluntly. For a minute I just stared at him. Was he kidding? That was some sick joke he was playing if he was. I looked at him carefully, then at Pony. The kid looked like he was gonna start crying at Steve's words. Pony was good at a lot of things, but acting was not one of his many talents. That's when I knew Steve wasn't joking around.

I sat down heavily at the table and looked from Steve to Ponyboy. "When did you find out?"

"Last night," Pony answered. He was talking real soft. "He had a seizure so we took him to the hospital and they told us."

Glory. "Where's Soda now?"

"He's still sleeping," Steve said.

We all sat in silence. For once in my life I couldn't think of a single thing to say. After a few minutes Soda walked into the kitchen, still in his pajamas and rubbing his hair tiredly. "Mornin' guys." When we didn't say anything, he looked carefully at me and Steve, then sighed. "You know, don't you?"

"Yeah, man. How're ya holding up?" Steve asked.

Soda shrugged. "Okay, I guess." He went to the fridge and got out the chocolate milk, then got a glass and joined us at the table.

"C'mon, Soda, you can talk to us. It'll help," Steve pressed. I know he meant well, but man did Soda react bad.

He glared at Steve and burst out, "What do you want me to say, Steve? That I'm angry I'm sick? That I'm scared I'm gonna die? Sorry, but I don't see how talking is gonna fix that." He got up and stormed out of the room. We heard the bathroom door slam and the shower turn on a couple seconds later.

I turned to the other two. "Okay, I think we've established that he doesn't want to talk about it."

Steve turned to Pony. "Was he this angry last night?" Steve didn't show it, but I could tell he was upset. Sodapop never yelled at him.

Ponyboy looked dumbfounded. "No, he was real calm last night. He was alone with Darry for a bit, though, so I dunno what he said then, but I don't think he acted like this." I don't think any of us knew what to do, so we just sat at the table in silence again, each lost in our own thoughts.

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I slammed the bathroom door behind me and turned the shower on. I was furious; why did they want me to talk? Why couldn't they just let the subject drop? If I wanted to talk about it I would have said something. As I let the hot water run over me I slowly started to calm down. The longer I was in the shower and the more I thought about what had happened in the kitchen, the more I realized that Steve was just trying to help. I was starting to feel real guilty for yelling at him, actually. I was just so frustrated by this whole situation and I guess I just couldn't take it anymore. I knew I had to go apologize to him.

Once I'd toweled off and gotten dressed I trudged down the hall to the kitchen. I found the guys still sitting at the table. They all looked up at me when I came in, but no one said anythin'. I can't really say I blame them; they were probably afraid I was gonna blow up again. I sat down and turned to Steve. "I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean to yell at ya like that. I'm just mad." I paused for a second, then added more quietly, "and scared."

"It's okay, buddy. It never happened." He clapped me on the shoulder and I smiled at him gratefully.

"Well, now that that's done, what're we gonna do today?" Two-Bit asked cheerfully.

Huh…what did I want to do today? I wasn't feeling too bad, physically at least, and I knew I didn't want to waste these next couple of days. I also knew I wanted to spend them with the guys. I thought about it for a few minutes and decided. Now I just had to convince Darry when he got home from work.

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I was exhausted when I got home. It had been a long night and I'd barely slept once I'd gone to bed. I'd talked to my roofing boss and managed to work out a schedule where I would go into work at lunch and leave a bit later in the afternoon. Even if I was there for less time, he knew he'd get more work outta me than most of the other guys. I'd also gone to my second job and cut my hours back from four to two shifts a week. Money would be tight, but I thought we'd be able to manage if we cut back on some things. Pony would have to cut back on his smoking and I was planning to stop my gym membership. I could work out at home for a while. I figured with this schedule I could stay with Soda in the mornings, Pony and the guys could come home at lunch, and then there'd only be another couple of hours before they were done school for the day. I hated to leave Soda alone for any amount of time, especially once he was out of the hospital, but I didn't see any other way.

Soda pounced on me almost as soon as I walked in the door. "Hey, Dar! How was work today?"

"Woah, little buddy!" I laughed. I was glad to see he was in a good mood. I was worried he'd spent the day moping around. "Work was fine, nothing exciting. I hope you took it easy today."

"I did!" Soda answered quickly. "We just sat around and watched T.V. and I even took a nap."

"Good, glad to hear it. We want to you rested up for Monday."

"So Dar, since I was real careful today, I was thinking…" Uh-oh. I should've known something was up. "Tomorrow can we go to Keystone Park? All of us?"

I frowned. I wasn't so sure about that idea; I'd told the doctor we'd be careful. "I dunno, Soda. You need to rest--"

"But I did rest today! And I can rest at the park tomorrow, too. We'll bring a blanket and I can sleep if I get tired. Come on, Darry. It's only a half hour away. We can always come back if it's too much. Which it won't be," he added quickly.

His eyes were so pleading that I couldn't help myself. "Okay, we'll go," I relented.

Soda engulfed me in a huge bear hug. "Thanks, Darry!"

I wanted to make a few things clear, though. "Hold on a minute, Soda. We'll go, but no rough stuff for you while we're there. No football, no wrestling, and I don't think you should be swimming, either."

"Glory, way to be a buzz kill, Superman," Two-Bit piped up from the couch. "Ya gotta let him do somethin'!"

"It's fine, Two-Bit. I can watch you guys," Soda said. Wow. He must've been pretty convinced I would say no if he was giving in to my requirements this easy.

I suddenly realized that the house smelled amazing. "What are you guys cookin'?" I asked.

"Spaghetti and meatballs," Pony answered. "It should be almost ready," he added, going into the kitchen to check on it.

Once dinner was finished I ushered Soda off to bed. It was still early, but he was looking tired and I wanted him to enjoy tomorrow. I wasn't sure how long it would be before he got another day like it.

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I was in the truck ready to go before anyone else. I was determined to have fun today, even if Darry wouldn't let me do too much. I was so relieved yesterday when he didn't argue much that I didn't really care if he had restrictions. I wanted to avoid thinking about tomorrow, too. I was terrified about what was gonna happen. Dr. Sheldon had said it would be intense, but he hadn't gone into any details. Honestly, I hadn't wanted the details, anyway. I shook myself out of those thoughts and focused on today. Pony was finishing up the sandwiches and Darry was gathering together blankets and other supplies. I could see Steve and Two-Bit walking down the street towards our house. Two-Bit, of course, was carrying a day's supply of beer. I waited anxiously for Darry and Pony to finish gettin' ready; I didn't want to waste any of the day sittin' around in the driveway. I was happy when they were finally in the truck and we got going.

When we got to the park we set up camp on the beach. Darry spread a blanket out on the sand and made me stay there while the guys unloaded the truck. I rolled my eyes. "Honestly, Darry, I'm not made of glass," I told him, but I didn't argue more than that. It felt good to finally be out of the house. Aside from work and the hospital trip, I'd been cooped up for more than a week now. I stretched out and watched the gang. Once everything was unloaded and the guys had changed into their swim trunks, Two-Bit jumped right into the day.

"Hey, Darry! How 'bout a game of football? Me and Steve versus you and the kid….in the water."

Darry raised an eyebrow. "You think you can take us?" he challenged.

Two-Bit smirked. "I know we can. You're used to playing on land, Superman. The water is a whole different ball game!"

"You're on. C'mon, Ponyboy. Let's show 'em who the champs are." Pony grinned and followed him into the water, Steve and Two-Bit right behind them. I laughed as I watched them play. No one was used to playing in the water and the game quickly disintegrated into a dunking match. Pony may've been on Darry's team, but he ended up joining the other two in gangin' up on Darry. They all came back a while later soaking wet and riled up. Ponyboy collapsed on the blanket next to me, but he didn't get to rest for long. Darry glared at him. "Pony, I thought we were on the same team out there." Ponyboy shot him an apprehensive look; I think he knew what was coming next. Darry continued, "but, if we're not, then I guess there's nothing to stop me from doin' this…" He pounced on Pony, pinning him to the ground before Pony even had time to react. Darry started tickling him mercilessly and I burst out laughing. I joined in and laughed even harder as Pony struggled beneath us, giggling uncontrollably.

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It had been a fantastic day. Soda had clearly enjoyed himself and I was glad I had agreed to his idea to come here. I smiled as I remembered him helping me tickle Ponyboy. I know I hadn't wanted him to wrestle, but he'd just been having so much fun I hadn't had the heart to stop him. He was so upset on Friday and I was grateful for any chance for him to be happy. Now the sun was setting and Sodapop was lying down on the blanket next to me, half asleep. Two-Bit and Steve were tossing the football back and forth while Pony was sitting on the other side of Soda reading a book. I didn't want it to end, but I knew we had an early day tomorrow. I'd taken the whole day off work and Pony had convinced me to let him skip school. I really only gave in to him cause I figured he'd never be able to concentrate on his work, anyway. I turned to my youngest brother. "Pone, we should get going. Can ya go get the guys and pack everything up? I'm gonna get Soda into the car."

"Sure, Dar." He got up and ran over to the guys.

I ran my hand through Soda's hair, testing to see how asleep he was. "Soda, time to go home. You gonna make it to the car?"

He groaned and rolled over. "It's not morning, yet Dar," he mumbled. I guess he'd been more asleep than I'd realized. As the guys put everything away, I picked my brother up and carried him to the truck. Pony opened the door and I placed Soda in the front seat. He opened his eyes groggily and looked around. "Is it time to go home already?" he asked sadly.

"Yeah, little buddy. It's gettin' dark."

He yawned and closed his eyes again. "I had a real good time, Dar. Thanks."

I smiled at his sleeping form. "Me too, little buddy." I got into the driver's seat and pulled out once everyone was in the car. Tomorrow was gonna be a long day.

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As a note, Keystone Park is a State Park just outside of Tulsa. The website said they have swimming, so I'm assuming they are referring to a beach and not a pool. I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can. I always love to get reviews!! (and they tend to make updating go faster-hint, hint)


	7. Chapter 7

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for the continued reviews! I really appreciate them. :) Sorry this chapter took so long to get out. I had a lot more trouble writing it then I thought I would. But, here it is now!

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I groaned as my alarm clock started beeping. It couldn't be time to get up yet; it felt like I had just fallen asleep. I turned over, shut it off, and got out of bed. I silently padded down the hall to my brothers' room, but I hesitated when I opened the door. They were both asleep still; Soda had his arm draped over Ponyboy, who had curled up and nestled against Soda. I felt guilty waking them up, but I knew we had to get goin'. It was 7:00 and we had to be at the hospital in an hour. I sat on the bed and gently shook both of them. "Pony, Soda, time to get up," I whispered. I was rewarded with a moan before Pony opened his eyes.

"I'm up, Dar," he slurred. Soda was starting to stir, too, so I left to get breakfast started.

While I was cooking, I heard both my brothers get up and start movin' around. Eventually, they stumbled into the kitchen. We were all quiet while we ate, thinking about the day ahead. Soda still hadn't had much of an appetite lately, but now he was barely eating anything. He was mostly just pushing his food around his plate. "Soda, I know you're nervous, but you gotta eat somethin' to keep your strength up. You're gonna need it." He frowned, but took a few bites anyway.

Once we were done eating, Soda and Pony did the dishes while I finished putting Soda's things together for the hospital. I'd already packed some clothes, magazines, and a pack of cards into an overnight bag, and now I added his toothbrush, razor, and a few other necessities. As I was finishing up, I heard the front door open and slam shut: Steve and Two-Bit had come over. I hoped seeing them would cheer Soda up some. I came out to the living room in time to see Two-Bit passing him a beer. "It'll make ya feel better!"

Soda, who was sitting on the couch with Pony, looked at our friend dubiously. "Uh, Two-Bit, I don't think I'm supposed to be drinkin'…" I laughed to myself. Soda never drank anyway. He glanced up at me as I came in the room. When he saw the bag in my hand, his eyes flashed for just a second before returning to normal. I didn't push him; I knew he wouldn't talk when everyone was here.

"Good luck today, buddy," Steve said, clappin' him on the shoulder. "We'll swing by after school to see ya."

"Thanks." Soda smiled at him, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Two-Bit, can you and Steve get Ponyboy's homework and bring it with ya tonight?" I asked.

"Darry! I can catch up tomorrow!" Pony protested.

"You're already missin' school, kid. You can do your homework at the hospital tonight and still stay with Soda."

"Fine," he grumbled, crossing his arms and sinking back into the couch.

"Don't worry, we'll grab the kid's work. See y'all tonight," Two-Bit said, leaving.

"See ya later, Soda," Steve said, shooting a concerned look at him before following Two-Bit out the door. I didn't know how Steve would handle it if Soda didn't make it through this.

I shook off my thoughts about Steve. Right now I had to focus on us. "You two ready to go? We've gotta be there in twenty minutes."

"Sure, Dar," Pony said, gettin' off the couch and heading out to the truck.

Soda was a little slower gettin' up. I put a hand on his shoulder to stop him before he made it to the door. "It's gonna be okay, Soda. We'll get through this." He didn't say anything, but from the look he gave me I could tell he didn't believe me. He just nodded and headed outside. I sighed and followed him out the door.

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When we pulled up to the hospital, I didn't want to get out of the truck. I don't think any of us did cause none of us moved. Finally, Darry unbuckled his seatbelt and got out, grabbin' the overnight bag on his way. Pony and I silently followed him into the building. When we made it inside, Darry was already getting directions from the receptionist at the front doors. He led us to the elevator and pushed the button for the fifth floor. It was the longest elevator ride of my life. When the doors opened, we saw Dr. Sheldon at the counter in the lobby, looking at some files. I liked him—he was a nice guy and I could tell he knew what he was doin'—but he was also the last person in the world I wanted to see. Anything to put this off for a bit longer. He smiled when he saw us. "Good morning. Are you ready to get started?"

Darry looked at me, but I didn't say anythin'. Of course I wasn't ready. Darry figured out I wasn't gonna answer, so he did it for me. "Yeah, we're ready. What do we do first?"

"First we'll get you settled in and then I'll talk with you about what will happen." He said it like he was checking us into a hotel or somethin'. I guess he was used to this. He led us to a small room down the hall. I was thankful that there was only one bed in it. There was also a table beside the bed and a cupboard across the room. "Soda, do you want to change into something more comfortable before we start? You might not feel up to doing it later." Well, that made me feel lots better. I didn't say anything, though, and took some pajamas from my bag into the bathroom. When I came back out Darry and Pony had settled into a couple of chairs. I climbed onto the bed and tried to brace myself for Dr. Sheldon's explanation of what was gonna happen.

"I'm afraid the results of your tests on Friday weren't good," he started. "The leukemia has spread to both your bone marrow and your spinal fluid."

Pony looked about as shocked as I felt. "How could that happen so fast?" he asked. "He just got sick."

"He just started showing symptoms," Dr. Sheldon explained, "but it's impossible to know how long the cancer was present before the symptoms started. Also, this type of leukemia spreads very quickly." He turned back to me. "Soda, this means we're going to have to be very aggressive with the treatment."

I swallowed hard and finally spoke up. "What exactly does that mean?"

"It means that the chemotherapy drugs we give you will be very strong and will therefore give you more severe side effects."

"What are the side effects?" Darry asked.

"Everyone reacts differently, so there's no way to know for sure what yours will be exactly, Soda. Generally, people experience fatigue, nausea, a lack of appetite, headaches, and muscle soreness. Also, I'm sorry, but you will likely lose your hair." I looked down. I knew that was coming, but it was still hard to hear. "We'll start treatment orally, meaning we'll try using pills first. If you can keep them down, then we'll continue using them."

"And if I can't?" I asked. I had a bad feelin' I already knew the answer.

"Then we'll have to administer the drugs intravenously."

More needles. Great. "Don't think about it, Soda," Pony reassured me. "It might not happen."

I smiled at him. "Thanks, Pone." I sighed inwardly. There was no point puttin' this off any longer. I turned to the doctor. "Let's get started."

"Good." He turned to the cupboard and opened it up. "I have the pills here. Since you're in the hospital, either a nurse or I will give them to you when you need them, which will be every four hours. You likely won't feel any effects for an hour or two."

As he got the pills ready, I thought of another question that worried me. "Doctor, if the pills don't work and I have to get somethin' else, will I have to stay in the hospital every time?" I could deal with one hospital stay, but I didn't think I could stand being in here all the time.

"Probably not. If we need to move to injections you'll need to receive them here, but you should be able to go home again each day." Well, that was a relief, anyway. Darry and Ponyboy smiled at that news, too. Dr. Sheldon handed me a couple of large blue pills and a glass of water. They looked harmless enough. I swallowed them and sat back to wait. "Alright, I'll be back to check on you in a while."

As Doctor Sheldon left the room, I looked over at my brothers. They were both watching me, like they were waiting for somethin' to happen, too. Darry's face was hard to read, but I could see the concern in his eyes. Pony, on the other hand, was lousy at hiding his worry. They were makin' me more nervous than I already was. "Stop watchin' me," I told them. "He said it would be a while before anythin' happened."

"Sorry," Darry said, looking a bit sheepish. "What do ya wanna do?"

"Umm…you said you packed cards, right? Let's play poker." Time started to pass a bit faster while we were playing and I even managed to forget about where we were. Pony was kicking both our asses. "When did you get to be such a good poker player, anyway?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "Just lucky today, I guess," he joked, but I saw him smile to himself.

As we kept playin', I slowly noticed my stomach start turnin' summersaults. I was gettin' a headache, too. Darry must've noticed cause he put his cards down. "You okay, Soda? You're lookin' pale." I nodded, but I put my cards down, too. My stomach was gettin' worse fast. Finally, I knew I wouldn't be able to stop it and I grabbed the container that had been put on the table beside my bed. I was just in time. When I'd finished gettin' sick, I put the container on the table and leaned back against the pillow, closing my eyes. I felt someone take my hand—Pony—and I squeezed it. My stomach felt a bit better, but it was still real unsettled. My headache was gettin' worse, too. "You want me to get the doctor, Soda?" Darry asked.

"No, there's no point. I'm just gonna sleep for a while." I was startin' to feel tired. I wasn't sure if it was from gettin' sick or if it was the chemo, but I guess it didn't really matter. I felt Darry put his hand around mine and Pony's, then I was out.

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I watched my older brother as he slept. He looked peaceful now, but a few minutes ago his face had been twisted up as he'd tried to fight the nausea. I was worried that he was already sick after just the first dose. I looked over at Darry, who was watching Soda, too. "Dar, do you think it'll get worse?"

He sighed and turned to me; his face looked grim. "Yeah, I think it will, Pone. I hope I'm wrong, though."

I looked back at Soda. I didn't think Darry was gonna be wrong. I had a feelin' this was only the beginning.

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Well…how was it? Reviews make me smile!

I do have one piece of bad news, though—I'm sorry to say that updates are going to be slow and sporadic till mid-June. Next week I'm starting a third job (again) and two online English courses. I know, I'm crazy. I'll try and update as much as I can, though!


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks everyone for the continued support! I always love to hear your thoughts on how things are going.

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I woke up to the sound of voices talking near me. I recognized the voices of my brothers and when I opened my eyes, I saw they were talking to Dr. Sheldon, who was holding a clipboard. I hoped it wasn't time for another pill yet; I was feeling a bit better after sleeping for a while and I wanted to keep it that way. "Hello, Soda," he said, seeing I was awake. "How are you feeling?"

"Better than I was," I answered, sitting up. The bed was half way between a flat and upright position.

"I'm glad to hear that. Your brothers told me you were sick about an hour after your first dose of medication. Did you have any other symptoms?"

"Yeah, a headache."

"How is it now?"

"It's not as bad, but it's still there."

He made some notes on his clipboard. "Good, that's what I wanted to hear." What? He wanted me to be sick? I musta looked confused, cause he chuckled. "Sorry, I should explain. Since you still have a headache now, that means the pills didn't completely leave your system when you were sick. It makes me more hopeful that you can continue taking your meds orally." Oh. Well, his reaction made a lot more sense now. "It's time for your next dose. Are you ready?"

I laughed nervously. "No, but I'm not gettin' any closer to ready."

He smiled and got the pills out of the cupboard again. "You may react faster to this dose since some of the medication is already in your system. Again, everyone is different, so we'll have to wait and see." I took the pills from him and swallowed, tryin' not to think about what he said. At least I knew what to expect this time.

Darry spoke up. "Should we come get you if he reacts?"

"There's no need. I'll come by and see how he's doing in a couple of hours. You can tell me then. If you need anything before that, there's a nurses' station just outside your door."

"Thanks, doctor," Darry said. Dr. Sheldon nodded and left. Darry turned to me. "You're feelin' better?" he asked, sounding a bit hopeful. I knew he hated to see either me or Pony sick.

I nodded. "Yeah, I am right now."

He looked relieved. "Do you wanna keep playing poker?"

"Actually, I wanna hear how Pony's track is goin'." I turned to my little brother. "You gonna be back in shape in time for your meets?" I knew he had some big races comin' up and had been worried he wouldn't be ready after everythin' that had happened in the fall.

Ponyboy smiled at me. "Yup, coach says I'm almost back where I was last year. He figures another couple weeks trainin' should do it." As I listened to him talk about track and then move on to his classes, my stomach started turnin' again. I tried to ignore it—I wanted to hear how Pony's science project was goin'—but after a couple minutes it was no use. I grabbed the container again and got sick. There wasn't much left in my stomach this time; I hadn't eaten since breakfast. It didn't seem to matter, though, cause I kept getting' sick. Finally, when I was just dry heavin', my stomach started to calm down.

I put the container away and leaned back on the bed with my eyes closed. Suddenly, I felt something soft and wet on my face. I opened my eyes to see Darry with a wet towel in his hand. "Where did that come from?" I asked.

"I went and got a few after you were sick last time. Thought you might want them," he answered.

"Thanks, Dar." I gave him a small smile. "It feels good."

"Are you feeling any better, Soda?" Pony asked hopefully.

"Actually, I am. Pone, can you keep tellin' me about your project?"

He grinned. As he kept talking, I started to get sleepy and eventually found myself dozing off. I hope he didn't mind that I wasn't listening anymore, but I couldn't help it. I woke up when Darry started shakin' me. "Soda, time to wake up. The doctor's here." Ugg. Did that mean it was time for more pills?

I opened my eyes and sat up. "Hello, Soda," Dr. Sheldon greeted me. "I heard you were sick again. How are you feeling now?"

"I feel okay, actually. A lot better than before." He frowned and I felt my spirits drop. I forgot—it's bad if I feel better, isn't it? That means I threw up all the medication.

"The nausea and the headache are both gone?" he questioned.

"Yeah." I looked at him worriedly. "Does that mean the pills won't work?" I was really hopin' I was wrong. I didn't like the pills, but I'd sure as hell rather take them then have more needles.

He sighed. "I'm afraid so. After two doses you shouldn't be feeling fine, especially given how you felt last time I spoke to you. If you were sick so quickly this time, you likely won't be able to fight the nausea enough to let the pills enter your system."

"So now we switch to an injection?" Darry asked. He glanced over at me to see my reaction, but I tried to keep a good poker face on. I didn't want him to worry more than he already was.

"Yes, that's the next step. What we'll do right now, Soda, is get some food into you first. The injection is designed so that it only needs to be taken once a day. That allows you to continue the treatment at home more easily. However, you probably won't be able to keep any food down for a few hours after I administer the treatment. If you eat now, it should give your body a chance to digest some of the nutrients so you can keep your strength up. I'd like to avoid having to give you an IV to keep you healthy."

"I'm really not that hungry," I told him.

"That's one of the symptoms of the leukemia. You need to eat, though, if you're going to have any chance of beating this. Your body needs as much strength as you can give it."

I knew I really didn't have a choice, even if I wasn't hungry. "Alright then, what's for lunch?"

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I couldn't concentrate in school at all that day. I kept thinkin' about Soda and wonderin' how he was doin'. I still couldn't believe all this was happenin'. When the last bell rang I jumped outta my seat and headed straight for my truck. Two-Bit and I had gotten Ponyboy's homework before school so we wouldn't have to waste time at the end of the day. We were both anxious to see Soda.

When we got to the hospital I started to get nervous. I wasn't sure what kind of condition I'd find my best friend in. I was surprised when we got to his room and found him playing poker with Darry and Pony. "So, you're just taking the day off to play cards?" I joked.

They all looked up when they heard me. "Hey guys," Soda greeted. He sure sounded okay. Maybe we'd been worried for nothin'.

"Hey buddy," Two-Bit said, walking over and clapping Soda on the back. "You're lookin' good."

Soda made a face. "Only cause I threw up all the meds."

"Well, that's no way to get better!" Two-Bit chided.

"Try telling that to my stomach," Soda laughed. It was a pretty weak laugh, though, and I knew he wasn't tellin' us somethin'.

"So, what are they gonna do now?" I asked, grabbin' a seat on the end of his bed. "Since you're not keepin' the pills down, I mean."

His face darkened a little. "They're switchin' to injections."

Uh-oh. He wasn't gonna like that. I decided to distract him and change the subject. "Pony, we've got your homework for ya," I said, passing it to him.

"Gee, thanks Steve," Pony replied sarcastic ally.

I laughed. "Don't worry, there's not too much. The office told your teachers the deal and I guess they went easy on ya."

He frowned, but didn't say anything. I guess he wasn't happy everyone knew, but it's not like they weren't gonna find out eventually. Just then, a guy in a lab coat walked in. He looked at me and Two-Bit and smiled. "You must be Soda's friends. I'm glad you stopped by to see him." He turned to Soda. "We're going to have to start the next round of treatment now. Are you okay having everyone here?"

Soda looked kinda uncomfortable, like he didn't really want us to see him sick but he didn't want to ask us to leave. Two-Bit must've figured it out, too, cause he saved Soda the trouble of deciding what to do. "I've gotta go, anyway. Mom's workin', so I've gotta watch Magan. Steve, can ya give me a lift?"

"Yeah, sure," I answered. I turned to Soda. "I'll come by later tonight to see how you're doin', okay?" He nodded and Two-Bit and I left, giving the Curtis' some privacy.

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I watched Soda's face as Dr. Sheldon got the injection ready. He looked perfectly calm, but I knew it was an act. I knew he was scared of the needle and of what would happen when the meds took effect. Throwing up wasn't gonna help this time. I felt completely helpless. I was supposed to take care of him and keep him safe, but I couldn't do anything to make him better. Dr. Sheldon walked over to the bed. "Are you ready, Soda?" he asked. Sodapop nodded, but didn't say anything. He squeezed my hand as the needle went into his arm. After Dr. Sheldon had put away his equipment, he turned to me. "I want you to have me paged if his symptoms are any worse than earlier. They might be magnified now that the medication will completely enter his bloodstream. I have pain medications ready, but I'd like to wait to administer them until I know how strong they should be. I don't want to be putting any more narcotics into his system than I have to."

I nodded, but I couldn't seem to find my voice to say anything. Instead, I gripped Soda's hand tighter; he had tensed up at Doctor Sheldon's words. After he left, we all sat in silence. I don't know how much time passed, but after a while Soda started to look pale. "Soda, what is it?" I asked.

"My headache is coming back," he said. "It's worse than before. And my stomach--" He didn't finish his sentence. He grabbed the container from beside his bed and started gettin' sick. Pony rubbed his back, looking concerned. Soda was always taking care of him and I think he was at a loss for how to handle this whole situation. He was doin' a good job, anyway. It was a few minutes before Soda put the container back. He curled up on his side, facing us. "Darry," he said in a small voice, closing his eyes. "My head hurts. Can you get the doctor?"

"Of course, little buddy. I'll be right back." I glanced at Ponyboy, who was holding Soda's hand and starin' back at me with a scared look in his eyes. This was much worse than before. I left the room and went to the nurses' station. "I need Dr. Sheldon paged to Sodapop Curtis' room," I told the young woman behind the desk. She nodded and announced it over the P.A. system.

When I joined my brothers again, Pony looked up at me. "He was sick again when you were gone," he said.

I stared at him. "I was only gone a minute, though."

Pony didn't say anythin'. There was nothin' to say; we both just sat silently while we waited for Dr. Sheldon. When he came in the room, he got right to business. "Did he have the same symptoms this time? Nausea and a headache?"

"Yeah, but a lot worse than before," I answered.

"Soda, on a scale of one to ten, how badly does your head hurt?" he asked gently.

Soda kept his eyes closed, but said, "an eight." He usually tolerated pain real well. He had to, growin' up in our neighborhood. I knew it must be bad if he gave it that high a ratin'.

Dr. Sheldon nodded and went to the cupboard. "Do you think you can keep some pills down?"

"I dunno," Soda said in a tight voice. "I'll try."

Dr. Sheldon got some pills ready and walked over to Soda. "Try and take these without water, if you can. Putting anything in your stomach will make it more unsettled." Soda leaned up on his elbow. He took the pills and dry swallowed them, then lay back down and closed his eyes again. Dr. Sheldon turned to me. "They'll take about twenty to thirty minutes to take effect," he told me. "If he isn't able to keep them down, have me paged again. Try and get him to sleep," he added kindly, then left us alone. Pony was still holding Soda's hand. When I took his other one, he clutched my hand tightly. Eventually, I felt his grip loosen and heard his breathing even out as he fell asleep.

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When I woke up, my headache was still there, but it was a lot better than before. It didn't feel like my head was gonna split open anymore. I opened my eyes, expecting to see my brothers. Instead, I found Steve sitting beside my bed, staring into space. "Steve?" I asked. My voice was raspy cause I hadn't had anythin' to drink in a while. "Where are Darry and Pony?"

He snapped outta his daze when he heard me. "Hey, buddy," he said cheerfully. "They went to get somethin' to eat. The kid's stomach sounded like it was gonna eat itself if he didn't get some food into it." I managed a smile at that. I realized then that I hadn't been to the bathroom in hours. Even though I hadn't had much to drink and I'd thrown everything up, I still felt like I had to go. I sat up slowly, testing myself, and found that I felt pretty stable. I didn't feel like I was gonna be sick, anyway. I started to put my feet off the bed when Steve spoke up. "Where're ya going?"

I looked over at him. "Just to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"You need any help?" he asked, concerned.

I rolled my eyes. "It's five steps away. I think I can make it that far."

He sat back, but he still had a funny look on his face. Darry must've told him about what happened earlier. As I made it into the bathroom, I realized I was gonna have to get used to people worrying about everything I did. I couldn't say I really blamed them; I would be worried if it was one of them in this position. When I was finished, I washed up. I didn't bother drying my hands, though. I was startin' to see spots. I opened the bathroom door, but by then my vision was swimmin' so much I couldn't see the bed. I gripped the doorknob tightly for a second, then let go and tried to make it to the bed anyway. I felt the world spinning and heard Steve call my name, then everything went black.

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As always, reviews are greatly appreciated! I'll try to get the next chapter out as soon as I can. :)


	9. Chapter 9

Hi everyone :) Sorry it took a bit longer to get this chapter out. Five more weeks and things should settle down a bit.

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I knew something wasn't right as soon as I saw Soda come outta the bathroom. His face was white and he was grippin' the doorknob way too tight. I stood up, but before I could make a move he was fallin' to the ground. "Soda!" I called, running over to him. He'd fallen on his side and I rolled him over; he was unconscious, but he was breathin' fine. I figured that was a good sign, at least. "Soda. Soda, can you hear me?" I tried shakin' him gently. I heard him groan and I sighed in relief. "That's it, buddy," I encouraged.

He slowly opened his eyes and looked at me blearily. "Steve? What happened? The last thing I remember is comin' outta the bathroom…"

"You passed out. How do you feel now?" I wanted to get him back into his bed, but I wasn't sure I could lift him up. "Can you stand?"

"I think so," he replied, sounding unsure.

"Alright, buddy, put your arm around my neck," I told him.

Once he was ready I placed my arm under his back and helped him up. He swayed on his feet and leaned against me. We made it the few steps to his bed and he managed to climb onto it, but he was pale and sweating from the effort. "Everything's spinnin', Steve," he groaned, closing his eyes.

"It's alright Soda," I reassured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I'm gonna go get some help. I'll be right back." I hurried outta the room and went straight to the nurses' station. "I need some help in Sodapop Curtis' room," I told the closest nurse calmly. I was worried about my best friend, but I knew gettin' worked up wasn't gonna help him. "He just passed out. He woke up again, but he's real dizzy."

"Did he have any other symptoms?" she asked, following me into Soda's room.

"No, I don't think so. What's wrong? Why'd he pass out?" Darry had told me about what happened after Two-Bit and I had left. It sounded like Soda was a lot worse off than earlier in the day and I was anxious to get some answers. I wasn't sure if it was normal for people to faint during chemotherapy.

"It's probably just low blood pressure," she told me. "If that's the case, then there's nothing to worry about. It's a common enough side effect of cancer treatment." She got a blood pressure cuff and hooked it up to Soda's arm while I took a seat by his side. He opened his eyes and I was relieved to see they were more alert and focused than they'd been before.

"Hey buddy. How're ya doing?" I asked him.

"Better. I'm not dizzy anymore. Just tired." He smiled at me weakly. "Thanks for the help."

"Anytime," I told him, smiling back.

The nurse finished and put her equipment away. "His blood pressure is a bit below normal. It's probably gone up since he passed out, so that was likely the cause of his fainting spell." She turned towards Soda. "You should try and get some rest. If you need to get out of bed, you should make sure someone is here to help you." She turned and left the room.

Soda frowned at her retreating form. "I don't need help gettin' outta bed," he muttered. "It was just one time."

I didn't say anything. I agreed with the nurse, but I didn't wanna argue with Soda just then. I sat silently by his side as he finally closed his eyes and fell asleep again. I watched him while he slept, thinking about everything that had happened. He'd lost so much in the last couple of years—his parents, Johnny and Dally, and Sandy. Now he was supposed to deal with cancer, too? I didn't understand how one person could have so much thrown at them and be expected to keep going. I was still thinkin' about all this when Darry and Ponyboy came back in the room. "Hey Steve," Darry said, carefully sitting on Soda's bed while Pony took the chair next to mine. "He's still asleep?" he asked, looking at his brother.

"He's asleep again," I corrected. "He woke up for a while." I didn't want to tell Darry what had happened. He was stressed enough; he didn't need to be worryin' anymore than he already was. I knew I had to tell him anyway, though—he'd want to know, and he'd find out eventually from either Soda or the doctor.

"How was he when he woke up? Did he get sick again?" Pony asked, clearly concerned.

I sighed and they both looked at me, knowing something was coming. "No, he wasn't sick. He was okay when he woke up. But he tried gettin' outta bed, and he passed out."

Darry looked startled, but he quickly covered it up. "Has he woken up since? What did the doctor say?"

"Yeah, he came around pretty fast," I said quickly, trying to downplay the situation. "The nurse said his blood pressure dropped. She said it's common and we shouldn't worry about it." I scoffed at that. The whole situation was pretty fucking uncommon in the first place.

Darry nodded and looked back at Soda. "Thanks for being here, Steve," he said softly.

"No problem," I answered. "Darry?" I waited till he was looking at me. I wanted to make this perfectly clear. "I'm here for you guys, whatever you need. Two-Bit, too. You just have to ask." Darry was silent but he nodded, acknowledging my promise. I knew we'd have to keep an eye on him to make sure he wasn't taking on all the responsibilities himself. I got up, deciding it was time to get going. "Night, guys. Tell Soda bye for me when he wakes up."

"We will," Darry answered, taking my now vacant chair. "Night, Steve."

"See ya tomorrow," Pony added. I left the room and headed to the elevator, trying to keep my hopes up despite the evening's events.

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After Steve left, Darry and I sat silently, each lost in our own thoughts. I found it hard to believe that it was only yesterday we'd been at the beach. Today had been long and tiring. It made my stomach turn to see Soda like this. He'd always taken care of me, especially since Mom and Dad died. Now that he needed me, I wanted to be able to take care of him, but I felt completely useless. I was thankful that the hospital had a program set up to pay for all this; I knew we wouldn't have a chance of affording Soda's treatment otherwise. I wasn't sure how Darry was gonna pay the bills without Soda's paycheck. I snapped outta my thoughts as I saw Soda start to stir. After a minute he opened his eyes and smiled at us. "Hey guys," he said sleepily. He looked around, then asked, "Where's Steve?"

"It was gettin' late, so he headed home," Darry answered. "He told us about what happened."

Soda's smiled vanished. "It was nothin' Dare. I'm fine."

"You're not fine, Soda," Darry insisted. "You're sick. You're gonna have to be careful what you do from now on."

"I know that, Darry!" Soda snapped. "I know I'm sick. But that doesn't mean I need help every time I get outta bed!"

"He's just trying to watch out for ya, Soda," I said quietly. Darry looked at me, surprised. Usually I was the one arguing with him, not defending him.

Soda's expression softened at my words. "I know, Pone. But really, guys, I'm not completely helpless. I'll even prove it." Before we could stop him he'd climbed outta bed and was walking across the room. "See? I'm still standing." He was right, he was still upright, but I could see his face tighten up just a little with the effort of walking even the few steps across the room and back to his bed. This treatment was really sapping his energy.

"Okay, little buddy," Darry said. "You've proved your point. But I'd still feel better if you don't get up when you're alone, just in case."

Soda carefully climbed back into bed. "Fine, Darry," he relented. "I'll wait for someone to be here when I want to get outta bed." He leaned back against the pillow, looking sleepy again. "You guys should go home," he told us. "You've been here all day. I'm just gonna sleep, anyway."

"You sure?" I asked. I didn't want to leave him here alone.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," he said, already starting to nod off.

We waited till he was completely asleep, then reluctantly left the room. We both knew we had to leave eventually. When we got to the hallway we saw Dr. Sheldon at the nurses' station. Did that guy ever leave the hospital? When he saw us, he waved us over. "Darrel, Ponyboy, I'd like to talk to you before you leave for the night." He led us down the hall to what I guessed was his office. It had a desk with a couple of chairs on the side with the door and a third chair on the opposite side. When we'd all sat down he started talking. "First, I want you to know that I'm on call tonight, so I'll be able to check on Soda's condition throughout the night." Good—that made me feel a little less guilty for leaving. "What I'd like to discuss with you now is the side effects he's experienced so far and what you can expect in the next few days and during later weeks."

"Is he going to get worse?" Darry asked the question that we had both been wondering all day.

"I don't like to phrase it as getting sicker," he began, "but there are some aspects of the treatment that might still present themselves. The first is what I call 'breakthrough pain.' Right now I have Soda on a schedule of constant pain medication to help manage the side effects. However, about half of cancer patients experience brief periods where the pain 'breaks through' these medications and becomes more severe. Sometimes these periods are triggered by physical activity and sometimes they appear randomly. They usually happen quickly and last for about a half hour. If Soda experiences these, we'll need to administer a stronger pain medication during the episodes. I know your brother doesn't like needles, but unfortunately that's what we'll have to use to ensure that the drugs take effect quickly. Otherwise the pain will have dissipated by the time the medication enters his bloodstream and there will be no point in giving it to him at all."

"Is there any way to prevent these…episodes?" Darry asked, using Dr. Sheldon's word.

"We'll have to wait and see if there is a trigger for them or if they're random, if he even has them at all. They might never appear," he reassured us. It didn't make me feel any better. I had a feeling we weren't going to be that lucky.

"What are the other symptoms?" I wished Darry hadn't asked that. This seemed like more than enough to me.

"As the treatment progresses, Soda may experience some shortness of breath. If he does, it likely won't be for a few weeks. It rarely shows up early in the disease or in chemotherapy treatment. I'm only telling you about it now so that you know what to expect. It usually only lasts for a few minutes and isn't dangerous, but it can be scary for him and for you, so you need to be prepared. As long as he is still able to get air into his lungs, you don't need to worry. The most important thing will be to keep him calm." Now I was really wishin' Darry hadn't asked what the other symptoms were. I wanted more than anything to be able to turn back the clock to last week, when we still thought Soda just had the flu.

Darry sighed and rubbed his face. "Is there anything else we should know?" It was obvious he was hopin' there wasn't.

"That covers the more nerve-wracking symptoms. There are a few simpler things you also need to be aware of. His immune system is compromised right now so you need to make sure you're careful about washing your hands and about coughing or sneezing when you're near Soda. If he does develop a fever once he's home, make sure to let me know right away so I can start him on antibiotics. As long as we catch any infections early, they shouldn't be a problem. You'll also find that he will bruise and bleed more easily than normal. Just make sure he's careful when he moves around. Also, make sure you keep up on his nutrition when he's home. He won't have a very big appetite, but you need to make him eat anyway."

Darry and I both nodded. Between the two of us, Two-Bit, and Steve, we could handle that. "Thanks, Dr. Sheldon," Darry said, standing up. "We really appreciate all this."

"I'm just doing my job," Dr. Sheldon replied. "We'll keep up the treatments and hopefully I'll be able to give you some good news in the coming weeks."

Darry and I left his office and made our way out of the building to our truck. In my mind I kept running through everything Dr. Sheldon had told us. It sounded like today had just been the tip of the iceberg, and that terrified me. I know the doctor had said the symptoms were all manageable, but my imagination kept running wild on me. What if Soda stopped breathing? What if that happened when one of us wasn't around? We couldn't be with him all the time, even with Darry's new work schedule. And what if none of these treatments worked? I kept coming back to this last thought through the whole ride home. Finally, as we pulled into the driveway, I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to cry in front of Darry, but I couldn't hold it back any longer. He looked over at me as I let out the first choking sob. "Hey, kiddo," he said softly. I was surprised when I felt his arm wrap around me and pull me close; he didn't usually show much physical affection. It felt good, though, and I leaned into his embrace. "It's gonna be okay. We'll get through this," he said.

"What if we don't, Dare?" I managed to get out between my sobs. "What if none of it matters in the end? We can't lose him."

"We won't lose him," Darry reassured me. "He's gonna make it through this. You have to believe that." I let Darry keep holding me for a long time while I cried.

Eventually my tears dried up and I leaned back, rubbing my cheeks with the back of my hand. "Sorry, Darry," I said, embarrassed. He was always tough and I didn't want him to be stuck with a crying baby brother on top of everything else.

"Don't be sorry, Pony," he told me. "I know you're scared. It's alright to cry." I studied his face and saw that he really meant it. I nodded, but I silently resolved to pull myself together, for his sake and for Soda's. After a few minutes, we both got out of the truck and went into our silent and empty house.

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Thank you to everyone who's been reviewing! I really appreciate the support! I always like to hear feedback and I'm curious—how is the pacing going at this point? Too slow or just right?

As a note--the term "breakthrough pain" wasn't actually coined until 1990, but I figured there were probably some people who were using the term before that.


	10. Chapter 10

Morning came way too soon, but also not nearly quickly enough. I'd slept fitfully all night thinking about Soda and was exhausted, but I was also impatient to get back to the hospital to visit him. I was hoping to get there by 8:00 so I could spend a few hours with him before having to be at work by 11:30. After I'd showered and shaved, I started breakfast. It felt wrong to be making only two portions worth. Pony came into the kitchen and got the dishes out of the cupboard. "Mornin' Dare," he said.

"Hey kiddo. How'd ya sleep?"

He made a face. "Lousy. How 'bout you?"

I sighed. "The same. I don't think I'll sleep well till Soda's back home. I hate leavin' him there by himself."

Pony nodded in agreement. I realized the nights were gonna be a lot worse for him than for me since he was used to sharing a room with Soda. After we'd been eating for a few minutes Pony glanced at me hesitantly. "Dare," he started, "I was thinking I could maybe skip school again today. Steve and Two-Bit could get my homework—"

I stopped him before he could go on. "Not a chance, Pony. You only have two weeks before your exams start. You can't afford to miss more school right now."

"But I wanna spend time with Soda!" he protested. "You're missin' work."

"I'm going in to work late. I'm making it up later in the day," I corrected him. "Pone, you're gonna be done school in a couple weeks and then you can spend as much time with Soda as you want. You know he wouldn't want you to flunk your semester cause of him."

That caught Ponyboy's attention. He sat back quietly for a few minutes. I should've known better than to think he was done tryin', though. "What about gym?" he asked. "I have it last period. There's no exam in it and I bet I could convince Mr. Stevens to let my track count for credit since it's almost the end of the year anyway. It's only a twenty minute walk to the hospital—I could leave right after math class on the days I don't have to stay for practice."

I laughed and shook my head. My brother sure was persistent. "Okay, Pone. If you can get Mr. Stevens to agree, then it's okay with me. But I need a note from him." I wasn't putting it past Pony to go whether or not he had permission and I wanted to make sure he wasn't gonna lose his credit over this.

"Don't worry. I'll bring a note tonight." Pony seemed a little happier during the rest of breakfast, having won a small victory. I helped him with the dishes since it was just the two of us. Just as we finished, Steve and Two-Bit came through the door to collect Pony for school. It was in walking distance, but they usually let him hitch a ride when I wasn't going by the school myself.

"Hey Darry," Two-Bit greeted as he came through the door. "Hey kid," he added, grabbing Pony in a headlock.

"Aag…get off me, Two-Bit." Pony struggled for half a minute, then managed to throw his weight just right to knock Two-Bit off balance. Pony pushed him onto the floor and pinned him down.

"You'd better watch it, Matthews, or you're gonna get your ass kicked," I mocked, smiling proudly at my younger brother.

Two-Bit scowled at Ponyboy and pushed him off. "The kid should watch it or he'll be walkin'."

Pony stopped smiling. "I'll be late if I walk now!" he complained.

I looked at the clock: it was 7:50. "We should all get going," I urged. "Steve, you and Two-Bit still good with driving Pony to the hospital after school? I work till five."

"Yeah, we'll be there," Steve said. "C'mon Pony, let's go."

The three of them left the house and sped off. I headed out to my own truck and made my way to the hospital. When I got to Soda's room I found him leaning back against the pillows with his eyes closed. He opened them when he heard me come in the room. I was happy to see that while they weren't as lively as they normally were, there was a spark in them. "Mornin' Dare."

"Hey, little buddy. How're ya feeling today?"

"Not that bad," he said brightly. "I still have a headache, but my nausea is gone. I ate some of the breakfast they gave me." He made a face. "It tasted awful."

I had to laugh at that; I was thankful to hear some good news. "I'll try and sneak in somethin' better for ya tomorrow," I told him.

We spent the next couple of hours just relaxing and spending some time together. It was a nice day out and Soda convinced me to take him outside, but only after I'd insisted on him using a wheelchair. He wasn't happy about it, but he gave in when he realized I wasn't gonna take no for an answer. We were on our way back to his room when we ran into Dr. Sheldon. "Good morning, Darrel," he greeted me. "It's nice to see you out of your room, Soda. I'll take it you're feeling better this morning?"

Soda grinned at him. "Yeah, way better than last night." When we got back to his room Soda climbed back into bed and I took my usual seat next to him. He was starting to look tired again after our trip outside, but I guess that wasn't surprising given the circumstances.

Dr. Sheldon scanned Soda's chart. "I see you ate some breakfast this morning—that's very good news. Any nausea since then?" He asked.

"No, my stomach feels pretty good." His stomach might be feelin' better, but I could see his face starting to pinch up a little in pain. He was tryin' to hide it, but somethin' wasn't right.

"And your headache?" Dr. Sheldon continued. He glanced briefly at me; he must've noticed Soda's expression, too.

"It was okay earlier," Soda started. "It's gettin' worse right now, though…" He trailed off and leaned forward a bit, placing a hand on his head. I took his other hand in mine and gave it a squeeze. He started breathing heavily and gripped my hand tight. "It's real bad, Darry," he gasped.

Dr. Sheldon reacted quickly. He got a needle out of the cupboard and filled it with a clear liquid. Then he went to Soda's side and put the needle in his arm. Soda was so focused on the pain in his head he didn't even flinch as the needle broke his skin. I looked at Dr. Sheldon, wanting answers. "This is the breakthrough pain we discussed last night," he explained. "I've given him a strong opioid that should start to help in a couple of minutes."

I nodded and turned my attention back to Soda. He was still leaning over, holding his head with one hand and gripping my hand tightly with his other. Slowly his breathing evened out and he started to relax. "What the hell was that?" he asked after another minute, looking up at Dr. Sheldon.

"It was an episode of breakthrough pain. Sometimes your pain will 'break through' your regular medications and you'll experience more intense symptoms than normal. When this happens, Soda, you need to make sure you call someone immediately so we can get it under control right away." Soda nodded, looking shaken. "You should get some rest now. You've had a busy morning and you'll need your strength this afternoon."

After Dr. Sheldon had left the room, Soda turned to me. "Dare, do you have to go to work yet? Can you stay till I fall asleep?" He sounded so scared and vulnerable.

"Of course I can stay," I said softly. "I still have time before I need to leave."

Soda lay back and closed his eyes. I stroked his hair with my free hand, trying to comfort him, and after a while he fell asleep. I stayed that way for as long as I could before reluctantly leaving to go to work.

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When I woke up my room was empty. The clock said 1:15; it would be another couple of hours before the gang got here. A nurse brought some lunch in—more gross hospital food—and I picked at it, knowing I had to eat. She gave me more pain meds, too, which I took gratefully. I didn't want to have another experience like this morning. It had felt like my head was being crushed by a cement block.

It didn't take me long to get bored. I didn't feel like reading any of the magazines Darry had packed for me and I'd already spent most of the last twenty-four hours sleepin'. I was relieved when Pony, Steve, and Two-Bit finally arrived. "Hey guys!" I said cheerfully. "I'm glad you're here. I was startin' to think I'd go crazy if I had to stare at the wall any longer."

"Hey Sodapop!" Two-Bit plopped down on the end of the bed.

"Hey Soda," Pony said, smiling at me as he and Steve each claimed a chair. "Ya feelin' better?"

"Yeah, today's been good," I answered. I saw Steve relax a bit at those words. I think I really scared him last night. Steve has seen a lot, but this wasn't the kind of stuff he was used to dealin' with.

Now that the gang was here, the time passed a lot faster. I was surprised when Darry joined us; I hadn't realized it was already after 5:00. Steve looked at the clock when Darry came in. "Shit, it's later than I thought. I gotta get to work. Two-Bit, ya need a ride?"

"Yeah, thanks Steve," Two-Bit answered, getting' up. "See ya later, buddy," he added to me as he left.

"Take care, Soda," Steve said softly, following Two-Bit out the door. I was a bit relieved they had to go. Dr. Sheldon would be there in a few minutes to give me my next dose of chemo and I wasn't ready to have the guys see me so sick yet. I knew they'd see it eventually and I knew they'd support me, but I still felt self-conscious about it.

After the guys left, Ponyboy smiled at Darry. "I got the note," he said. He started digging through his backpack and I glanced at Darry, confused.

Darry chuckled and explained it to me. "Pony's getting phys ed credit for his track so he can skip some of his gym classes and get here before school's out."

I turned to Pony, startled. "Pone, I don't want you skippin' school for me. I know how important it is it you."

"Relax Soda," he told me, finding the note and handin' it to Darry. "It's just a few gym classes, nothin' important. I'd rather be here."

I didn't bother to argue anymore; I'd rather he was here, too. Besides, if Darry said it was okay, I wasn't gonna win the argument, anyway. Just then, Dr. Sheldon came in. "Hello Soda. How are you feeling?" he asked, getting everything ready.

I shrugged. "Ask me in twenty minutes." No one laughed.

I tried not to think about what the night would bring as he injected the drugs into my arm. I made Pony talk about school and Darry told me about the dog at his current roofing site and how it had kept barkin' at them all day. They got quiet as the treatment started to take effect. It wasn't long before I was throwing up, hoping desperately that once my stomach was empty the nausea would stop. It was a useless hope, though. I spent the next couple of hours alternating between throwing up—or dry heaving, anyway—and curling up with my eyes closed, too tired to keep them open but too nauseated to sleep. The pounding in my head didn't help, either. I'd taken more pain meds just a little before the chemo shot, but it didn't feel like they were helping much.

Suddenly, the pain started to intensify. "Dare, it's happenin' again," I whispered. He understood what I was talkin' about and I heard him rush out of the room. Pony took my hand and I held onto it tight, trying to distract myself and relieve some of the pain at the same time. After what felt like forever, I heard some noise in the room and felt a prick in my arm. I knew it wouldn't be long now till the pain meds kicked in. I concentrated on breathing till I finally felt the pressure in my head start to fade some.

Darry put a cold damp cloth on my forehead. I slowly opened my eyes and gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Darry."

"You're welcome. Does it help?"

"Yeah, it's good." I looked at Pony, whose eyes were full of worry. "Sorry Pone. I didn't mean to scare ya."

He shook his head. "Don't be sorry, Soda. It's not your fault. Besides," he added, "I knew it would happen eventually."

I sighed to myself. I couldn't blame him for being so cynical—not much had gone right for him lately. I hated that I was putting him and Darry through all this, even if it wasn't really my fault. After a while, I fell asleep. When I woke up it must have been a lot later cause Darry and Pony had gone home. I was glad, for their sake, that they had; I didn't want them to get run down trying to stay overnight here with me. They still had to go to work and school. One of them had made sure the call button was in easy reach for me and I didn't hesitate to use it when my headache got real bad again. After a nurse had given me the stronger pain meds I lay quietly in the dark, wishing more than anything else that Mom and Dad were alive and that someone was here with me.

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Thanks for reading. :) Please leave a review and tell me what you thought! Hawiichick—I wanted to climb into the story and mother him too after writing the end of this chapter!


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: In addition to not owning The Outsiders, I also don't own The Lord of the Rings. If I did, I'd be filthy rich.

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On Wednesday I could barely keep my eyes open at school. I hadn't slept well again the night before. I kept tossin' and turnin', trying to find a comfortable position without Soda beside me. My classes seemed to drag on forever, each one longer than the last. My teachers never called on me, thankfully. I think they felt sorry for me, which I hated, but at least it meant they were takin' it easy on me. I met up with Steve and Two-Bit in the cafeteria at lunch. We used to hang out at a store or parking lot, but I was trying to save money by bringing a lunch from home. They were good guys and didn't complain about being stuck at school.

I'd gotten an idea yesterday when Soda had complained about being bored and I was excited to tell Steve and Two-Bit about it. I would need their help if I was gonna pull it off. "Hey guys," I said, joining them at a table in the corner. "I got an idea to cheer Soda up once he gets home, but I need your help." I turned to Two-Bit. "Especially yours. It's kinda expensive and I was hopin' you could lift some stuff for me."

"Sure thing, kid," Two-Bit answered. "What'd ya have in mind?"

As I told them what I had planned, a smile started to spread across Steve's face. "Ya know, kid, I don't give ya enough credit sometimes. Soda's gonna love it."

I grinned, surprised by the rare compliment and glad to have his support. "Ya think?"

"Absolutely. What can I do to help?"

"Could you drive me home every day at lunch so I can work on it? It's gonna take a lot of time and I want to make sure it's done by the time he gets home."

"No problem," Steve agreed. "Is Superman okay with this?"

I nodded. "I told him about it this morning and he's on board. Two-Bit, will you be able to get what I need? I know it's a lot and it's not really easy to lift…" Two-Bit might be a master thief, but what I was askin' for didn't really fit too well under a jacket.

He rubbed his hands together and grinned roguishly. "It'll be a challenge, but I'm up for it."

"Great. Thanks guys," I said appreciatively. "But I wanna keep this a secret. Don't even tell Soda that anything's up at all. I want it to be a total surprise."

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By the time Saturday afternoon came, I was exhausted. I had worked till nine on Thursday and Friday night and dropped by to see Soda afterwards. I'd been tempted to sleep in this morning, but we'd found that Soda usually felt pretty good in the mornings and afternoons, so I wanted to spend time with him while he could enjoy it. Evenings varied; for the past three nights Soda's reaction to his treatment had been less severe, which was a relief after Tuesday. He'd been miserable for hours that night, and I hated to see him like that.

Two-Bit and Steve had each taken a turn the past couple nights staying with Pony and Soda till I was done work. They'd both seemed pretty shaken up after witnessing the effects of the chemo, even in their milder form. I couldn't blame them; it was horrible to watch someone you loved suffer through nausea and headaches, especially when those headaches exploded. Dr. Sheldon had started to teach us how to administer Soda's pain meds so that we'd be able to do it ourselves once he was home. Using sugar solutions, we practiced inserting needles into each other—never in Soda—and we were all getting better at it.

Pony had spent all his spare time at home working on his surprise for Soda. Somehow, he was able to study for his exams at the same time; I didn't believe him until a pop quiz showed he really did know his stuff. I'd been impressed when he'd presented his idea to me; it was ambitious, but if he pulled it off, and I was sure he would, I knew it would cheer Soda up. He was gonna be stuck at home a lot and we needed to do anything we could to make him feel less trapped.

When the end of the day finally came and I arrived at Soda's room, Steve and Two-Bit were just gettin' up to leave. Steve had switched his shifts around so he could balance out his schedule with mine, staggering the times we were able to visit Soda. Two-Bit, I was pretty sure, was on his way to lift more supplies for Pony's project. I generally didn't approve of his stealing, but we never could've afforded to get the stuff legally, so I was grateful for his talents.

"Hey everyone," I greeted as I sat down in Steve's recently vacated chair. "How was today?" I asked Soda.

"It was good," he answered. "We went outside to the courtyard. It's a lot better than being stuck in here." He glowered at the plain white room.

I glanced at Steve, concerned that Soda might have pushed himself. He'd been real tired after going outside Tuesday. "Don't worry, Darry," Steve assured me. "We used a wheelchair and took it real easy."

Soda rolled his eyes at us. "Glory. I'm not made of glass," he grumbled.

Steve shot him a look. "We're just lookin' out for ya, buddy. Get used to it."

Soda turned serious. "I know," he said quietly. "Thanks. I really do appreciate it, even when I complain."

We were all quiet for a few seconds until Two-Bit broke the silence. "Well, ol' Stevie and I'd better get goin' or he's gonna get himself fired. Darry, you and Pony sleep in a bit tomorrow. I'll drop by here in the mornin'."

"It's okay, Two-Bit, ya don't have to—" Soda started.

"It's fine, Sodapop. I want to. I gotta drop Magan off at her friend's house, anyway."

I'm not sure if Soda believed him or not, but he didn't argue anymore. I knew he wanted the company and had only protested cause he felt guilty about all the time we were spendin' in the hospital.

The guys left just as Dr. Sheldon arrived, and he nodded at them as they passed. "Hello, Soda. Your morning was good again?" he asked, reading over his chart.

"Yeah, that seems to be the best time," Soda replied.

"Good. That will give your body a chance to recover each day. How's your appetite? I see you've been eating some—not as much as I'd like, but not bad.

Soda grimaced. "I'm really not that hungry. The food isn't that great, either. No offence," he added quickly.

Dr. Sheldon chucked. "None taken. I know hospital food leaves a lot to be desired. For now your food intake is adequate, but try to increase it when you go home, especially during the time you're off treatment." He set about getting the chemo drugs ready, then went to Soda's side. Pony and I followed our normal routine and held Soda's hand as the needle went into his arm. He seemed to be getting more used to the needles, but I wondered sometimes if he was just getting better at covering up his fear.

Once Dr. Sheldon had finished up and left the room, Pony pulled out a copy of The Lord of the Rings. He'd been reading it to Soda to help pass the time and to distract him. I'd never been much of a reader—I'd always been better at math and science than English—but I had to admit I was enjoying the story. It reminded me of our own lives; sometimes what we were facing seemed just as impossible as Frodo's own task.

Pony had only been reading for a half hour when Soda's face started to pale. He turned onto his side and curled into himself, holding his stomach. "It's okay, Soda," Pony soothed, rubbing our brother's back. "Let it out. You'll feel better." I doubt Soda was naïve enough to believe him, but he leaned over and got sick anyway. After a few minutes whatever had been left of the gross hospital food he'd forced himself to eat was no longer in his stomach. He lay back on the bed and groaned. "At least it's out of ya now," Pony said, trying to sound encouraging.

"Yeah, but I don't feel any better," Soda sighed, still holding his stomach. "This just means there's nothin' left to get rid of. It doesn't help."

Sure enough, it wasn't long before he was leaning over again, his body convulsing as it went through the motions of getting sick, even though nothing was coming up anymore. We spent the rest of the evening like that, Pony and me taking turns holding a container for Soda to lean over, just in case he managed to cough anything up. I was startin' to get worried that this was lasting so much longer than it had on Tuesday, the last time he'd had a bad night. I was beginnin' to realize that the side effects of chemotherapy were unpredictable; there were nights when Soda was able to manage without too much trouble, and then there was tonight. My thoughts of unpredictability were proved true as Soda started to have another episode of breakthrough pain.

"Darry," Soda moaned, gripping my hand tight. "Get the nurse." He curled further into himself and Pony and I both immediately knew what was happening; as much as we hated these episodes, they were becoming routine. I reached for the call button and pressed it, hoping someone got here quickly. I decided that Pony and I would have to start doing this ourselves so that we wouldn't have to wait for someone else to get to the room. Not tonight, though; I was too tired to deal with anything new. As a nurse came in and gave him his pain meds, Soda continued to hold our hands in a fierce grip. He let out a small whimper and I knew his head must hurt worse than usual. I don't think Soda had ever whimpered in his life. I'm sure it didn't help that he felt like crap otherwise, too.

"It's okay, little buddy," I whispered, hoping my voice wasn't gonna make his head hurt worse. "The medicine will start workin' in a minute and you'll feel better." It was one of the longest minutes of my life. I sighed in relief as I felt Soda's grip on my hand loosen, indicating that the worst of the pain was passing. It seemed our night wasn't over, though; it was only a few minutes before Soda was leaning over the side of the bed again.

Near midnight, Dr. Sheldon came back into the room. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to get here earlier," he apologized. "I was held up with another patient. The nurse on duty told me he's been sick like this all night." He glanced at Soda, who was still curled up on his side. His eyes were closed, and he was resting for the moment, but he was awake. He hadn't been able to get to sleep all night.

"Is there something wrong?" Pony asked. "Is there a reason he's so much worse tonight?"

"All cancer patients have good and bad days," Dr. Sheldon said. "This is probably just one of his bad days. I'm going to keep a close eye on him, though, to make sure it's not a sign that his body is being weakened by an infection." He turned back to Soda. "Soda, are you having any other symptoms? Any dizziness or other pains?"

"Yeah," Soda started, and I immediately snapped my gaze over to him. He hadn't told us about anything else being wrong. "The room spins when I open my eyes," he admitted.

"Soda, you should've told me," I admonished softly. I didn't want him to keep anything from me, even if he was trying to protect us.

"Sorry, Dare," he said, opening his eyes to look at me, then quickly closing them again.

Dr. Sheldon took Soda's blood pressure and wrote on his chart. "Soda, how long have you been dizzy?"

"I dunno. Maybe ten minutes."

"Alright. Your blood pressure is low at the moment. It should come up soon." He started talking to me and Pony again. "I'll be back in an hour to check his blood pressure and see how he's doing."

Once we were alone again, Soda rested fitfully. He shifted around a lot, I guess trying to find a position that made him feel less sick. Pony was starting to look like he might nod off any minute and I'm sure I wasn't looking much different, but neither of us left Soda's side. By the time Dr. Sheldon came back at 1:00 I was havin' a lot of trouble keeping my eyes open. He took Soda's blood pressure, then smiled and wrote on his chart again. "His pressure is back up. Soda, are you still dizzy?"

Soda opened his eyes to check the stability of the room and I saw with concern that they were hazy. "No, I'm not dizzy. Just tired," he said, closing his eyes again.

I put my hand to his forehead and had my suspicions confirmed. "Doctor, he's got a fever."

Dr. Sheldon checked Soda's temperature and frowned. "It might just be a side effect of the chemo, but I'll have to do a blood test to be sure. It'll take a bit to get the results back, so just to be safe, Soda, I'm going to start you on antibiotics right away. I'm sorry, but since you've been vomiting all night I'm going to have to administer them via an IV."

Soda's eyes snapped open and he looked at me, panicked. "No, Dare, I don't want an IV. Please, let me try the pills. I'll keep them down, I promise."

I looked at Dr. Sheldon, who shook his head. "Sorry, Soda," I said gently. "We have to use an IV. You haven't been keepin' anything down all night and we need to get the medicine into you right away."

"Please, Dare," he begged, "I don't want an IV. There's gotta be something else they can do." He sounded so desperate and his eyes were so full of fear that I wanted to give in to him, but I knew I had to be strong, for his sake.

"It'll be okay, Pepsi-Cola," I said, trying to soothe him. "Pony and I will be right here the whole time." I nodded at Dr. Sheldon, who left to get the equipment he needed. "It'll be okay," I repeated. I half climbed onto his bed and held him in my arms, rubbing his back. He buried his head in my chest, asking over and over for me to find another way. I had the answer to my earlier question: Soda had only been pretending to get over his fear of needles. As Dr. Sheldon came back and got ready to insert the IV, I glanced at Ponyboy. His own eyes were filled with tears as he watched Soda cry.

Dr. Sheldon came around to our side of the bed and gently took Soda's hand in his. "It'll only hurt for a minute, Soda. Try and relax." Soda just cried harder as the IV was placed into his hand and securely taped. If he'd been calm to begin with he might have been able to deal with it, but he was already exhausted and simply couldn't handle any more stress.

I continued to hold Soda as the blood sample was taken, whispering to him that it would be okay. Pony sat on the edge of the bed and held his hand, being careful of the IV tube that was now there. It took Soda a while, but eventually he calmed down. He was quiet for a few minutes and I thought he'd finally fallen asleep until we heard him start talking. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, his words muffled by my shirt. He pulled back a bit and looked at each of us. His eyes were red and his cheeks were stained with tears. "I didn't mean to get so worked up. I know it's stupid…" He trailed off and I saw a few more tears run down his face.

"Shh," I whispered. "It's okay. You don't need to be sorry. It's just us here, me and Pone."

"Yeah, Soda," Pony insisted. "You don't need to pretend with us." Soda nodded and relaxed his head back onto my chest. We stayed that way until his nausea hit again and we were forced to move. The sun was starting to show through the blinds by the time his symptoms finally settled down and he was able to fall asleep. Pony rested his head on the edge of the bed and quickly joined Soda in slumber, but I forced myself to stay awake and watch over my brother, making sure that, for the time being at least, nothing else went wrong.

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Please leave a review! I'm curious if anyone can guess what Pony's surprise is, though I tried to keep it mysterious for now.


	12. Chapter 12

I was whistling as I stepped out of the elevator and headed down the hall to Soda's room. I was looking forward to spending some time alone with him to see if I could cheer him up. I was thinking I'd take him up to the cafeteria, then borrow his wheelchair and find someone to race. I hadn't seen him truly laugh since he and Darry had tickled Pony at the beach a week ago and I was really starting to miss the sound. I stopped short when I walked in the room and saw Darry and Pony. I was annoyed that they'd ignored my offer to sleep in, but as I took a closer look at them, I started to wonder if that's what had actually happened. Pony was rubbing sleep outta his eyes and Darry's face looked pale and drawn. "Wow, you both look awful. You been here all night or somethin'?" I asked.

Darry nodded, rubbing his face tiredly. "Yeah, we have. Soda had a real bad night. He just fell asleep a couple hours ago." That's when I noticed the IV that was now sticking into my friend's hand.

"What's with that?" I asked, pointing to it. "Just how bad of a night was it?"

"The worst he's had so far," Darry sighed. "He was throwing up all night and he was dizzy again. He's got a fever, too. That's why he has the IV—it's giving him antibiotics. He wasn't happy about it," he added darkly. The poor guy sounded exhausted. I wondered if he'd gotten any sleep at all.

"Do ya know how he got sick?" I asked, perching on the end of the bed, careful not to disturb Soda.

Pony answered me. "The doctor did a blood test. He came by a few minutes ago to tell us it was an infection, not a side effect of the chemo. There's no way to know how he got it, though."

"We're gonna have to be extra careful from now on," Darry told us. "Be real careful about washin' your hands, even when you're not around Soda. I don't want him sick like this again."

"Of course, Darry. Listen," I said, "you guys should go home and get some rest. You both look beat. I'll stay here till Steve shows up."

Darry nodded and stood up. "Thanks, Two-Bit. Call us if there's any problems, okay?"

"Yeah, sure thing." He started out of the room, Ponyboy following behind him. I put my hand on the kid's shoulder to stop him and waited till Darry was out of earshot. "Make sure he gets some sleep," I whispered. "Don't let him come back too soon—Steve and I'll be here." Pony nodded in agreement, giving me a small, tired smile as he followed his brother out of the room.

I settled into one of the chairs beside the bed, getting ready for a long morning. I figured that if Soda had felt that awful the night before he wasn't gonna be up for much today. As it turned out he slept the whole morning. Around lunch time a pretty young nurse came in and gently shook him awake. He opened his eyes and looked around, giving me a sleepy smile when he saw me. "Hey, Two-Bit. How long've you been here?" The nurse started going about her business, checking his blood pressure and temperature.

"A few hours," I told him. "How're ya doing? I heard last night was rough." He still looked pretty awful; his face was pale and he had dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he was barely able to stay awake.

"It wasn't much fun, that's for sure." He took the pills the nurse handed him and swallowed them.

"Your temperature has gone down. Are you able to eat?" she asked, placing a tray of food on Soda's lap. "You haven't had anything since this time yesterday."

"I really just wanna sleep," Soda said, already sounding like he was gonna nod off again.

"Don't worry," I told the nurse. "I'll make sure he eats somethin'." She studied me for a second, then seemed satisfied and left the room.

"Well, this certainly looks appetizing." I eyed the tray of food critically. "I'd steer clear of the soup. Maybe just stick with the sandwich," I advised.

Soda picked it up and took a small bite. After a few minutes of silent chewing he put it back on the tray, only half finished.

"C'mon, buddy," I urged. "Ya gotta eat more than that."

"I'm really not hungry, Two-Bit."

"Darry'll kill me if he finds out I didn't make ya eat more. You don't want that on your conscience, do ya?" He frowned at me, but my guilt trip worked and he picked the sandwich back up. After he'd finished it and drunk half the glass of juice left for him, he leaned back against the pillow and closed his eyes.

"That's really all I can eat, Two-Bit. I wanna sleep now," he mumbled, already half out of it.

"Don't worry, Soda. That was good." I moved the tray onto the table and turned back to my friend, who was fast asleep.

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The first thing I noticed when I walked into my best friend's room was the IV hooked into his hand. Two-Bit was next to the bed, flipping through a car magazine. When he heard my footsteps, he glanced up and nodded a greeting. "What happened?" I asked, sitting down next to Two-Bit and indicating the IV.

"Infection," he stated, putting away the magazine. "They're givin' him antibiotics."

"How the hell did that happen? I thought we were being careful."

Two-Bit shrugged. "Not careful enough, I guess."

"How's he been?" I asked.

"Sleepin', mostly. He woke up long enough to eat lunch, but he could barely keep his eyes open."

"Does Darry know?"

"Yeah, he and the kid were still here when I showed up."

I looked at Two-Bit, startled. "They didn't go home last night?"

"No. They said Soda didn't even fall asleep till the mornin'."

"Christ," I swore softly. I watched my friend sleep and couldn't help but be reminded of Johnny the night he'd died. Soda and I had gone to see him after work, before the rumble. I remembered how tired and pale he'd been and I remembered the sound of the machines he'd been hooked up to. Of course, Soda didn't look anywhere near that bad; he mostly just looked like he needed a good night's sleep. But the sight of the IV had reminded me of the seriousness of the situation we were facing—that sometime soon he might be hooked up to machines that would be keeping him alive, just like Johnny had been. I stopped my thoughts there. I was still resolved that it wouldn't get to that point, that we would help Soda get better, and that it would be before he was so sick that he was on any kind of life support.

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By Sunday night my fever had broke, and I was incredibly thankful to get the IV out of my hand. It hadn't been as bad as I'd thought, but it had been uncomfortable and irritating. That night my treatment wasn't too bad, so I made Darry promise to sleep in and stay home Monday morning. He had still been looking real tired and I wanted him to get a good night's sleep. Lord knows he needed it. He was reluctant and only agreed when I threatened to have him banned from my room if he showed up the next morning.

My second week in the hospital passed slowly. Most nights weren't too bad, nothing like Saturday anyway, but I was still exhausted and spent most of my time sleeping. When I was awake, though, there really wasn't much to do and I was getting sick of staring at the same four white walls. By the time Monday morning came I was anxious to get home.

I greeted Darry with a smile as he walked into my room bright and early. "Hey Dare! You ready to spring me?"

He laughed, grinning at me in return. "It'll be good to have ya home again, little buddy." He grew serious, though, as he sat down.

"What's up, Darry? You don't look as happy as you sound." I prayed there wasn't gonna be some sort of delay and I'd be stuck here for another day, or longer.

"Soda, I saw Dr. Sheldon on my way in, and he thought it might be better if I tell you this." He paused, I guess looking for the right words.

"Just spit it out," I said, wanting to know what the problem was.

"He needs to do some tests before you go to see how the treatment affected the cancer so far." I waited, not really seeing the big deal. I figured it was a blood test, which didn't thrill me, but it was worth it if it would get me outta here. "He needs to do the same tests he did the night you were diagnosed, Soda." My face fell and my whole body stiffened. "You okay?" Darry asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I guess so," I answered after a minute. "I mean, I guess it makes sense, right? They can't really tell what's going on from just a blood test." Darry nodded, relieved that I wasn't panicking. I was determined to stay calm, at least on the outside. On the inside I was terrified, remembering how much the tests had hurt last time. "When is he doing them?" I asked.

"In a few minutes. You'll have to stay here for the day, though, since you're not supposed to get up for a few hours after the lumbar puncture. I'll pick you up as soon as I'm done work," he added quickly, trying to make me feel better. It didn't help much. I'd been looking forward to getting out of this place, and now I had to get more tests and stare at these same walls for another day. I tried to remember that it was only a few more hours, that I'd be home tonight and wouldn't have to have a chemo treatment.

I kept reminding myself of this last thought when Dr. Sheldon came into the room with his trays of equipment. "Good morning, Soda. Your brother told you about the tests I need to run before you leave?" he asked, glancing at Darry.

I drew in a shaky breath and nodded. "Yeah. Let's get them over with."

Dr. Sheldon did a quick blood test, then asked me to lie on my side. As I got ready, I tried to keep my mind locked on the thought of going home tonight. I thought of being able to sleep in my own bed, with Pony next to me. Sometimes I felt silly, being seventeen and sharing a bed with my younger brother. I started it cause of his nightmares, but I had to admit that after Mom and Dad died, it felt good to be close to someone I loved at night.

I tensed as I felt the needle go into my hip bone. Darry took my hand in his and I squeezed it, trying in vain to distract myself. Dr. Sheldon removed the needle and I heard him moving around behind me. I knew what was coming next and I started to breath faster. "Try and relax, Soda," Darry said softly. I nodded, doing my best to loosen up my tight muscles. I kept my eyes locked on Darry's as the anesthetic was injected into my spine, but I had to close them when the main needle went in. I concentrated on breathing through the pain, reminding myself that it would only take a few minutes. When it was done, I relaxed and opened my eyes.

"That was excellent, Soda," Dr. Sheldon said, coming around the bed so I could see him. "I'll send these to the lab and have the results in a few days. Try and rest up this week, but don't stay cooped up, either. As long as you feel up to it, it'll do you some good to get out of the house." I looked pointedly at Darry to make sure he'd heard that. "Just don't push yourself," Dr. Sheldon cautioned. With that, he gathered up his things and left the room.

"I'm real proud of you, Soda," Darry said. "I know how much those tests scare you. You're doing real well with all this."

"Thanks," I said, meeting his eyes again. Normally, Darry's eyes were real tough; I think they scared soc's just as much as his muscles did. Right then, though, they were soft and caring. I decided to disclose one of my biggest fears. "Dare, what if the tests go bad? What if the doctor finds out the chemo isn't working?"

Darry's eyes grew worried for a minute, and I could see he was wondering the same thing, but he covered his own fears up quickly and his eyes turned steely and determined. "Then we'll fight even harder next time. You're gonna beat this, Soda. Don't let yourself think, even for a second, that you won't. You've never lost a fight yet, and I'll be damned if you lose this one." I closed my eyes and nodded, letting his words sink in. He was right. I couldn't give up hope.

Eventually, Darry had to leave for work and I spent the rest of the afternoon watching the clock, counting the time till I could go home. It was 5:37 by the time he'd gotten back to the hospital and signed all the forms to release me. I was annoyed when I discovered I had to leave the hospital in a wheelchair, but I figured it was a small price to pay for getting out of there. I spent the car ride home looking out the window, happy to see a change of scenery. When we pulled into the driveway and I got out of the car, the first thing I heard was Steve's voice floating out from the house. "Pony, he's home! You done yet?"

I figured Ponyboy must've been getting his homework out of the way for the night. I'm sure Darry was on his case about exams, despite everything. We walked into the house and I saw Pony hurry into the living room to meet me. I opened my mouth say to hi, but closed it again when I took a closer look at him. He had red smears on his arms…blood? No, it wasn't the right colour for blood. Besides, he had some green on his face, too. Then I noticed the smell. Paint? "Pony, what the hell have you been doin'?" I asked, completely baffled. The kid had been spending all his free time at the hospital with me, despite the fact that his final exams were this week, and here he was covered in paint.

"Hi Soda!" he said, sounding more excited than I'd expected. Yeah, I was coming home after two weeks, but it's not like he hadn't seen me.

"Pone, what's going on?" I looked over at Steve and Two-Bit, who were sitting on the couch looking pretty impatient themselves. "Guys, what gives? Why are you all looking at me like that?"

"C'mon, Soda. Let's get your things put away," Darry suggested, putting an arm around my shoulders and starting to lead me towards mine and Pony's room.

Everyone followed us down the hall, which I found very strange, but as soon as I opened my door I discovered why everyone was acting so odd. My jaw dropped at what I saw: the entire room had been transformed. Every inch of wall was painted to show a meadow scene. There was grass all around and flowers and trees were scattered throughout, some painted smaller so they looked further away and gave the room more depth. Even the ceiling was painted sky blue with puffy white clouds here and there. Best of all, images of wild horses covered two of the walls. Some were standing in the meadow, munching on the long grass and others were galloping in the background. There was one horse in particular that stood out from the rest and looked exactly like my Mickey. I couldn't help myself; tears started to form in my eyes at the sight before me. I turned to Pony, who was still standing in the doorway, and just gaped at him, unable to speak. "Do you like it?" he asked hopefully.

I tried to form words, but it was useless. I closed the gap between us and engulfed him in a hug, holding him close to me. I finally found my voice and managed to choke out, "Thank you, Pony. I love it. I absolutely love it."

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Hope you enjoyed! For the record, I got the idea for Pony's surprise from The O.C., not Extreme Home Makeover.


	13. Chapter 13

Sorry it took me a while to post this! Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter! I'm glad people liked Pony's surprise. :)

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I walked home from school, enjoying the sunny summer morning. I'd only had one final today, first period, so it was still early and I was happy to have the rest of the day to spend with Soda. Last night was his first night home and when I'd gone to our room to go to sleep, I'd found him lying on our bed staring at the newly painted walls. I was relieved he liked the room so much. I'd worked real hard on it and I wanted so badly for it to make him feel better, at least for a while. I reached our small house and walked through the front door, apparently startling Darry. He was sitting at the kitchen table and looked up sharply when he heard me come into the living room. "Pony!" he exclaimed. "I didn't think you were gonna be home for another couple hours. Don't you have exams today?"

"Just one, and I finished early," I told him, confused by his strange behavior. It almost seemed like he was trying to hide something, but that didn't make a lot of sense to me. It's not like Darry exactly led a rebellious lifestyle. I dumped my backpack next to the couch and moved into the kitchen. That's when I noticed what Darry had been doing. He had the bills spread over the table and there was a paper covered with a bunch of numbers and scribbles in front of him. "Dare," I said tentatively, knowing he wasn't gonna like my next question. "What's going on? You look worried. Are we in trouble?"

"No," he answered quickly. "Don't worry, everything's fine." He started gathering all the bills up before I could take a look at them. If everything was fine, he wouldn't be trying to hide them from me.

"Darry, don't lie to me. Are we in trouble?" I repeated my question.

Darry had finished putting the bills into a pile and sat back in his chair. He studied me for a minute, then leaned forward and put an elbow on the table, resting his head in his hand. "No, Pony, we're not in trouble. Not yet, anyway," he sighed.

I digested his words. "How long?" I asked.

"A couple of weeks. Maybe a month. It would be sooner, but I had a bit of money saved up for emergencies." He let out a bitter laugh at that comment. "The government program is paying for all the medical bills, but without Soda's paycheck and with my reduced hours…" He trailed off, not needing to finish his sentence. I got the picture.

"I can help." I got exactly the reaction I expected.

"No, Pony. I don't want you working."

"C'mon, Dare. School's done for the summer, and we need the money. You said yourself we'd be in trouble in a couple weeks."

"There's still time to figure somethin' else out," he replied, staying firm. "You're only fourteen. You shouldn't have to get a job."

I opened my mouth to retort, but was interrupted by a new voice. "Ponyboy's right, Dare." We both looked up, startled to see Sodapop leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed. I guess we'd both been so absorbed in our argument that neither of us had noticed him. He pushed off the doorframe and came over to the table, sitting down between us. "If Pony wants to help out, you should let him. He'll be fifteen in a few weeks, anyway, and like he said, we need the money." Soda stared glumly at the table as he said this last part. He hadn't mentioned it, but I knew he felt guilty about not being able to work.

"Look, Soda," Darry started. "I don't want Pony workin'. He's just a kid."

"I'm right here, ya know," I grumbled. I hated when Darry talked about me like I wasn't in the same room. "And I'm not a kid anymore."

"You're too young to work. Most places won't even hire you at your age."

Darry had a good point there, but I'd already thought of this. "But I don't have to work at an actual place. It's summer. I could cut grass. There's some older ladies in our neighborhood and I'm sure they'd hire me."

He looked thoughtful at this, considering my idea. "I guess it would be okay. I still don't like it, but I don't see any other choice." I smiled, happy to have won. "Anyway, I've gotta get goin'. Take it easy today, Pepsi," he said, standing up and ruffling Soda's hair.

Normally, Soda would've ducked out of Darry's reach at this—he hated when Darry messed up his hair—but today he just nodded, giving our brother a half-hearted smile.

It was two days later when it happened. It was Thursday and I had my last final after lunch. I woke up early so I could get in some last minute studying. Soda started to stir as I sat up. He opened his eyes and looked at me sleepily. "Mornin', Pone," he said, tossing back the covers and joining me sitting up cross legged. He ran a hand through his hair absentmindedly, not fully awake yet. That changed fast when he brought his hand back down and saw a clump of hair tangled in his fingers. He stared at it, not saying anything.

"Soda?" I reached a hand out and lightly put it on his shoulder, trying to offer some comfort. We'd all known this was coming, but it was different now that it was here.

"I was hopin' maybe I'd get lucky," he said quietly, more to himself than to me.

"Me too," I whispered.

We sat in silence for a few minutes until Soda tore his gaze away from his hand and looked up at me. "You've gotta get ready for school." He sounded dazed, like he wasn't really paying attention to what he'd told me.

I nodded and got up to leave the room. I didn't really need to get ready yet, but I didn't know what to do if I kept sitting there. I heard Darry in the kitchen and went to join him. He glanced up from the stove as I sat down at the table. He took one look at my face and knew something was up. "What's wrong?" he asked cautiously.

I didn't know any way to break the news easily, so I just said it. "Soda's hair is startin' to fall out."

Darry swore under his breath, then put down the spatula he'd been holding. "Can you finish up breakfast, Pone?" I nodded, going over to the stove. Darry left the kitchen and I heard my bedroom door softly close behind him. I'd finished cooking and had everything on the plates by the time he came back, Soda following slowly behind him. I could see traces of tears still on Soda's cheeks, but his eyes were dry now. He sniffled a little as he picked his fork up, but didn't say anything. I looked to Darry, wondering what he'd said to even get Soda to come out of our room. He'd been pretty stunned when I'd left him. Darry shook his head, indicating he'd tell me later. I didn't want to upset Soda any more, so I let it be.

When Darry and I had finished eating and Soda had finished pushing his food around his plate, Darry turned to him. "You ready, little buddy?" he asked gently. Soda nodded and sniffled again. I waited, confused, as Darry quickly cleared the table and then left the room. He returned a minute later holding a razor and then I understood.

"Oh, Soda," I breathed, pulling my chair close to his and taking his hand. I remembered how hard it had been for me to cut and dye my hair in Windrixville, but that was nothing compared to this. At least I'd still had hair. Darry stood behind Soda and squeezed his shoulder, then started shaving. Soda didn't say anything the whole time. He just stared at the table, a few silent tears running down his cheeks. When Darry had finished, I spoke up softly. "You okay, Soda?" It was a stupid question, but it was all I could think of.

Soda just nodded slightly, then stood up. "I'm gonna go take a nap," he said, leaving the room before either of us could say anything. I doubted he was actually going to sleep, but we both let him go, knowing he needed some time by himself. Darry got the broom and started to silently sweep up the hair on the ground while I started the dishes. Neither of us spoke and when everything was cleaned up I went over to the couch and got my notes out. I sat looking them over for the next couple hours, but I didn't take in a word of them.

At 11:00, Darry came and sat next to me as he put his work boots on. "I won't be home till after nine tonight," he said. "Get the guys to come over. See if you can cheer Soda up some, okay?" I nodded and watched Darry as he left the house.

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"Whoo! Another school year's done!"

I glanced at Two-Bit as we strolled out the front doors of the school and made our way to my truck. "I thought you liked school?" I asked. Lord knows why, but I'm sure Two-Bit failed classes on purpose just so he could stay in high school.

"Yeah, but I like summer even more." He gave a wide smile as we got to my truck and stopped to wait for the kid. I saw him coming out of the building, walking slowly with his shoulders slumped. "Don't look so down, Ponyboy!" Two-Bit cried, throwing his arm over the kid as he came up next to us. "School's done; it's time to celebrate, not mope!"

I knew as soon as I saw him that something wasn't right. Soda was home and was off his meds for the week and exams were over. There wasn't any reason he should be upset today. "What happened, kid?" I asked.

He nervously looked up and glanced at each of us. "Darry had to shave Soda's head this morning."

Shit. That sure explained Pony's mood, but I was sure it was nothing compared to Soda's. "How's he doing?" I asked.

"He said he was going for a nap right after, and he was still sleeping when I left. Or at least he was pretendin' to sleep." He was probably right; Soda was just using sleep as an excuse to not see anyone.

"Well, he should be awake by now," Two-Bit said, opening the passenger side door. "Let's go see if we can cheer him up a little."

"And how do you suggest we do that?" I questioned.

"I have an idea," he answered, making me worry a little. Two-Bit's plans weren't always sane and there were a few of his more harebrained schemes that I would prefer to erase from memory. Considering the situation at hand, I had a bad feeling this might take a place among those. He turned to Ponyboy. "How far are you willing to go to make Soda feel better?"

Pony looked a little apprehensive, but answered anyway. "I'll do whatever you want if it'll work."

"Excellent!" Two-Bit crowed, hopping into the truck. "To a department store, Steve. I need to pick up a few things first." As we drove to the department store I tried to figure out what our friend could possibly be planning. I parked outside Sears and Pony and I waited for Two-Bit to work his shoplifting magic. Sometimes it amazed me what he was able to get away with lifting. He returned twenty minutes later, empty handed, but I knew everything he'd taken was inside his jacket. When we got to the Curtis house, it was silent. While I made myself comfortable on the couch and Two-Bit plopped onto the floor, Pony disappeared into his room to try and coax Sodapop out. I figured he was feeling pretty self-conscious right now and probably didn't really want to see anyone. There was no point putting it off, though, so I didn't feel too bad about being there.

Finally, the two brothers came into the living room and joined me on the couch. Soda had his head down, not meeting our eyes. It was strange to see him with his newly shaven head. It almost seemed like Halloween and he was just wearing a costume. I tried not to dwell on the real reason for the change. To distract myself, I watched Two-Bit, waiting to see what his big plan was. I could see in his eyes he was observing the changes in our friend, too, but he didn't say anything about it. Soda would be sensitive enough without us commenting. "Hey, guys," Soda greeted without much enthusiasm.

"Hey, buddy," Two-Bit returned, putting on an air of cheerfulness. "I've got somethin' for ya. I thought you could do with some laughs, so I've picked up a few things you can use to torture and embarrass your dear little brother."

Pony glanced suspiciously at Two-Bit, unsure what this torture might be, but aware that he'd agreed to do whatever it took to cheer up his brother. I was suddenly thankful that this plan seemed to involve just the kid. I had a feelin' I wouldn't much like being the victim of it. Soda's curiosity got the better of him and he finally looked up, wanting to know what Two-Bit had up his sleeve. To our bewilderment, Two-Bit pulled out of his jacket a bunch of girl's hair clips. "Umm…what am I supposed to do with those?" Soda asked.

It seemed ridiculous; not only did Soda not have any hair left, but the assortment of accessories on the floor were the last things he would ever have used, anyway. As I thought about this, I suddenly realized what Two-Bit's idea was and I started snickering. My best friend stared at me, an expression of confusion and hurt on his face. I realized he thought I was laughing at him and the fact he obviously couldn't use the clips even if he'd wanted to and I quickly calmed myself down so I could explain. "Soda, I think Two-Bit wants you to put these in Pony's hair. Right?" I asked, checking with the master schemer.

"Yep, that is indeed what I had in mind," he confirmed, grinning devilishly at Pony, who's mouth had fallen open a bit as he'd realized Two-Bit's intentions.

"Uh-uh. No way am I putting that stuff in my hair," he protested, shaking his head.

"I don't know, Pone," Soda said thoughtfully. "It kinda sounds like fun, dressing you up as a girl. I never did it when we were younger, and it might just be time to make up for that."

Pony sat, speechless, staring at his older brother. I could see the conflict on his face and for a minute I felt bad for the kid. He very obviously didn't want to do this—what greaser would, after all?—but he desperately wanted to support his brother. Finally, he sighed. "It'll really help you feel better?" he asked reluctantly. Soda nodded and, sensing that Pony had given in, grabbed a few hair clips from the ground. While Soda worked on him, Pony sat sullenly, glaring at me and Two-Bit as we watched and snickered.

When he was done, Soda sat back to admire his handiwork. Pony looked ridiculous: his hair was sticking every which way with clips and small bows attached everywhere. There were even a few braids where his hair was long enough. Two-Bit and I burst into laughter at the sight of him, earning a murderous expression from Ponyboy. Suddenly his face changed from deadly to downright evil. "Ya know, Soda," he said, staring at the pile of clips still on the floor. "There's lots of stuff here, still. I bet you could have some more fun with Steve and Two-Bit."

Our laughter died immediately and we both gawked at Pony, horrified. Soda, however, broke into a huge grin. "I think you're right, Pone. I wouldn't want to waste all Two-Bit's efforts, after all."

I looked at my best friend, who was smiling and laughing despite everything that was happening to him, and I knew there was no way I could say no to him. "Fine," I sighed, glaring daggers at Ponyboy. He was gonna pay for this. As Soda started work on first me, then Two-Bit, Pony grinned triumphantly at us. He was obviously satisfied with his revenge. When Soda was finished, everything Two-Bit had lifted was used up. Soda studied the three of us, then burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry," he managed to get out between laughs, tears streaming down his face. "You all just look so ridiculous." We glared at him as he continued to laugh. None of us were really mad, though. It was good to see him genuinely happy. I had to hand it to Two-Bit for coming up with this. We all glanced up, startled, as we heard the front door open and saw Darry standing in the doorway. He was frozen in place, staring at the scene before him.

"I'm not even gonna ask," was all he said as he came into the room and threw his keys on the coffee table.

"What are you doin' home so early?" asked Soda, who'd managed to calm himself down. I looked at the clock and saw that it was only half past five.

"Some pipes broke at the warehouse and the whole place is flooded. They sent us home till they can fix it." Darry sat down in the armchair, looking at us incredulously. I wanted to crawl into a corner and die. I don't think I'd ever been so embarrassed in my entire life.

Soda saw his expression and decided to fill him in. "Two-Bit thought this might cheer me up," he explained. "Too bad there a'int some left," he added, smirking at Darry.

Darry chuckled at this. "Nice try, little buddy, but my hair a'int long enough, anyway." He stood up and went into the kitchen to start dinner while Soda wandered down the hall, still smiling. As much as I hated sitting here looking like a complete sissy, I had to admit it was worth it to see Soda happy. We'd all known it would be a hard blow for him when he started losing his hair and I was thankful that Two-Bit had come up with something to help. After a couple of minutes, Soda came back into the room with his hands behind his back. I watched him curiously, wondering what he was hiding. If I'd known, I woulda beat it outta there as fast as I could. Before any of us could react, Soda whipped out a camera and snapped a picture of me, Two-Bit, and Pony, all of us with identical expressions of shock and horror. Soda collapsed onto the couch in a fit of giggles, clearly satisfied with himself. I glanced at the other two, and we all silently agreed on a plan of action. While Soda was distracted, all three of us pounced on him. Two-Bit and I pinned him down while Pony started tickling him mercilessly. Soda howled with laughter and tried desperately to fight his way out of our grasp. "Okay guys, that's enough," Darry said, watching us from the kitchen. He was serious about stopping, but he was smiling.

Two-Bit and I let go of Soda and sat back, letting him sit up. His face was flushed and his eyes were dancing. I hated to break up the party, but I could smell dinner cooking and I knew Darry didn't have the money to feed all of us, especially with losing his shift tonight. "Well, we'd better get goin'" I said, glancing at Two-Bit, who nodded, understanding. I started to take everything out of my hair and Soda let out a squawk of protest.

"Hey! I worked hard on that!"

"Buddy, we can't go outside lookin' like this. Do ya want us to get beat up?" I continued fixing my hair and Two-Bit followed suit.

Soda sighed, knowing I was right. We couldn't walk around our neighborhood looking like this. For that matter, we couldn't walk around any neighborhood looking like this. "Fine. A picture is worth a thousand words, anyway," he grinned, holding up the camera. I glared back at him, standing up to go now that I had everything out of my hair. As Two-Bit and I left the Curtis house we heard more laughter drift through the window and we both smiled at the sound.

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Please leave a review and let me know what you thought! I'm hoping the boys still staying in character during this last part.


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter!

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I woke up slowly, hearing the birds chip through the open window. I felt peaceful. I stretched, feeling my muscles strain after being still all night. Pony stirred next to me, beginning to wake up too. I sat up sleepily and rubbed my head, jerking awake instantly when I felt bare skin touch my hand. I'd forgotten overnight what had happened yesterday. I looked down at Ponyboy, who still had a few clips in his hair. I'd made him keep them in the whole night. He'd grumbled about it, but he'd let me have my way. Now with the morning the shock of yesterday came back to me full force. Pony opened his eyes and I quickly pretended everything was okay. I wasn't gonna let everyone know how upset I still was, not after everything they'd done for me yesterday. "Morning, Soda."

"Hey kiddo," I said, ruffling his hair, accidently pulling out a loose bow.

He sat up and made a face at the bow in my hand. "Can I take this stuff out now, Soda? It's gettin' real uncomfortable."

I laughed lightly. He was a good sport to have kept them in as long as he had. "Yeah, sure." He sighed in relief and I watched as he quickly pulled everything out of his hair. I could smell breakfast cooking and felt my stomach rumble. I still wasn't eating much and it was nice to actually feel hungry for a change. Dr. Sheldon had told me that my lack of appetite was mostly because of the leukemia itself; the chemo made it worse, but I wasn't going be very hungry even on my weeks off the treatment.

After I'd used the bathroom, avoiding looking in the mirror the whole time, I made my way to the kitchen, drawn by the aroma of bacon. "Mornin' Dare," I said, dropping into the nearest chair. "Smells good."

"It'll be ready in a couple minutes," he responded, glancing at me. "You hungry this morning?"

"Yeah." I smiled, looking forward to actually enjoying a meal for a change. I'd been forcing myself to eat the last few weeks, even for a while before we found out I was sick. Darry nodded approvingly at the return of my appetite. Maybe it was a good sign. Pony joined us just as Darry was putting the food on the plates. We kept the conversation light while we ate; Pony told us how he thought his exams went. He was getting his report card next week and I was hoping Darry would cut him some slack if his grades weren't the best. He'd had a tough year. He'd managed to catch up after missing so much school in the fall, but I wasn't sure how well he'd been concentrating the past couple weeks.

Steve and Two-Bit showed up after breakfast, wanting to get me out of the house. "C'mom, Soda. Ya need to get out and do somethin'," Steve insisted, trying to convince me.

I'd still been pretty tired during the week, so I'd mostly hung around home and I had to admit I was itching to get out of the house. I was still feeling really funny about my hair, though, and I wasn't too anxious to show off my new look. "How 'bout the movies?" Two-Bit suggested. I thought about that. I didn't usually like the movies that much, but at least it was dark there. I could get out of the house without people really seeing me that much.

"Okay," I agreed. The guys started looking through the paper to see what was playing while I moved over to the couch. I didn't really care what we saw; the movie itself wasn't the main attraction for me.

While they were discussing the plans for the day, the phone rang. Darry was closest and moved to pick it up. "Hello?" he answered. He was too far away for me to hear the voice on the other end. "Hi, Dr. Sheldon." That got everyone's attention real fast. We all watched Darry as he listened, occasionally making a comment or asking a question. He kept his face blank, though. When he'd hung up, he came over to join me on the couch. I waited anxiously, not really sure if I wanted to know what he was going to tell me. "There's good news and bad news," he said, keeping his voice steady. I nodded, my mind racing. "The good news is that your white blood cell count is down some. That means the chemo is working." I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. It was a huge relief to know that I hadn't gone through all of that for nothing. It was an even bigger relief that there was some sort of hope of beating this thing. I glanced at the guys, who were still sitting at the kitchen table, and saw the same relief on all their faces. Ponyboy had a huge smile on his face.

"What's the bad news?" I asked, turning back to Darry. The good news was so good I didn't know what the bad part could possibly be.

I could see the hesitation in Darry's eyes and I started to get nervous. I suddenly knew I wasn't gonna like this. "Your blood test showed a lower white blood cell count but when Dr. Sheldon tested the fluid in your spine, the results came back the same as last time. The treatment isn't getting into that part of your body."

I was confused. How could part of me be getting better and part of me not be? And what were they going to do now to fix it? I shook my head, trying to clear it. "I don't understand," I said. "How is that possible?"

"He said there's something that blocks the drugs from getting into your spinal fluid. I'm not sure how it all works."

I nodded, not completely understanding, but not really wanting more details. "Now what?" I asked in a small voice, looking down at my hands. If they couldn't get the drugs into my whole body, how was I supposed to get better?

Darry sighed. "They're gonna have to put the chemo directly into your spine, Soda."

I looked up, startled. That couldn't mean what I thought it meant. I was not gonna have a lumber puncture every day. I shook my head, refusing to believe it. "No. Dare, tell me there's something else they can do, some other way they can get the drugs to work."

He shook his head sadly and took my hand in his. "I'm sorry, little buddy," he said regretfully. "I wish I could tell you that. Try and remember that at least the chemo is working so far. That's really good news."

Pony came over and sat on the arm of the couch, putting an arm around my shoulders. I shrugged it off, suddenly feeling suffocated. I saw the hurt look on his face but I just couldn't deal with everyone right then. "Sorry, Pone," I said. "I just—I need some air." I stood up and quickly moved to the front door, hoping everyone would just give me some space. I sat down outside on the front steps and put my head on my knees. I was so happy a few minutes ago. I'd been terrified the tests would show that the treatment wasn't doing anything and I'd been ecstatic to hear that I was wrong. But what was going to happen now…I didn't know if I could handle it. I knew it was stupid, but I couldn't help it, just like people who are afraid of spiders can't help it. That's why they call it an irrational fear. I didn't feel like mine was so irrational, though. Those needles fucking hurt and I don't think anyone would be too thrilled to hear they were going to be getting them daily.

This was all just too much—first the chemo, then my hair, and now this. I heard the front door open quietly. I sensed someone sit down next to me, then felt Darry's strong arm around my shoulder. I didn't feel so trapped now that I was outside and I leaned into him, needing the comfort. I really felt bad about brushing Pony off, now. "You can do this, Soda," Darry whispered. "I know you can. You're strong, and brave, and you're not going to let a few needles stop you from fighting this. We're winning now, and we're going to keep going till this thing is pounded into the ground."

I knew he was right, but that didn't make it any easier. "I wish mom and dad were here," I whispered. I felt Darry tense up and I immediately regretted my words. I pulled back and met his eyes. They would be impassive to anyone who didn't know him, but I could see the hurt and sadness in them. "I'm sorry, Dare. It just slipped out. It's not that I'm not grateful for everything you're doing. You've been fantastic. I couldn't ask for a better big brother, especially now. It's just…I miss them."

"I know, Pepsi-Cola," he said softly. "And don't ever feel like you can't say that to me. I miss them, too. It's never going to be alright that they're gone." He pulled me close to him again and I let him hold me. After a few more minutes I heard the door open again and felt someone sit on my other side. Pony tentatively took my hand, unsure of how I'd react this time. I squeezed his hand to let him know it was okay, and then felt his head rest on my shoulder. I don't know how long we sat like that, taking comfort in each other's presence, but after a while I remembered that Steve and Two-Bit were still in the house. I stood up and together we went back inside.

When we got back in the house our friends were waiting patiently on the couch. They knew we needed some space to deal with this on our own and I was grateful for it. I needed their support, but too many people all at once wasn't always a good thing. "You still up for goin' to the movies, or do ya want to stay home?" Steve asked as I returned to my spot on the couch.

I wasn't really feeling up to much anymore. The thought of what Monday would bring had kinda brought me down. "It might do ya some good." Two-Bit suggested.

I knew he was right; it would be nice to get out and do something while I still had the energy for it. I knew I'd be stuck at home for the next couple of weeks. Plus, watching a movie would give me a good excuse not to talk to anyone. "Yeah, okay," I agreed. "What did you guys decide on?"

"You sure, Soda?" Pony asked. "We don't have to go if you don't want to."

I smiled at him. It was sweet that he was watching out for me, even if he was younger. "Its fine Pone," I assured him. "I want to go. Really."

As we got ready to head out, Darry left to go to work. The guys goofed off all the way to the movie theatre, tackling each other and whistling at girls we passed. Well, Pony didn't do that. He got real embarrassed every time Steve and Two-Bit cat called a girl. I laughed to myself thinking about how shy he was around girls. I hoped I'd get to see him grow out of that. When we got to the theatre I didn't pay any attention to the movie; they never held my interest anyway. My mind wandered through everything that had happened in the past few weeks and I kept wondering what the coming weeks would bring. When the movie ended, I realized I had no idea what we'd even seen. I didn't want the guys to know their distraction hadn't worked, though, so I laughed with them as they talked about their favourite parts. "You guys wanna stop at the Tasty Freeze?" Steve asked as we passed it, glancing at me and Pony. He knew we didn't have a lot of money right now.

I still didn't have much energy and I was tired after walking so far. A couple drinks wouldn't break the bank. "Yeah, you guys go in and get somethin'. I'll wait here," I said, parking myself on a bench outside the store. While I waited, I watched the people passing in the street, feeling jealous of them going about their everyday lives. When the guys came back out, Pony handed me a Coke. I took it gratefully, suddenly feeling real thirsty.

While the rest of us relaxed, Two-Bit saw a blonde across the parking lot and sauntered over to chat her up. We watched, amused, as she rolled her eyes at his lines and turned to walk away. He came back over to us, shaking his head. "Some girls just can't appreciate a good compliment."

"Yeah, I'm sure that's it," Steve joked. He stood up and slapped Two-Bit on the back. "Face it, man. She just wasn't into ya."

"You're just jealous cause she didn't pay any attention to you."

"She woulda been plenty into me if I'd talked to her. _Some _of us have girlfriends, though." Steve ducked out of the way of Two-Bit's punch and I laughed as the two of them tried to pin each other down. It was hard to get bored with guys like them around. When Steve had won and wrestled Two-Bit to the ground, we all got up and started heading home.

We walked slow, not in any particular hurry. When we got to the house, everyone started to walk up the path, but I stopped on the sidewalk. Pony turned to me, giving me a questioning look. "You comin', Sodapop?"

I hesitated. I didn't feel like being stuck in the house with the gang right then. They'd been good company all day, but suddenly I was in the mood to be alone. "I think I'm gonna keep walking a while."

"You sure you're up to it? You're lookin' kinda tired."

I sighed. I was like starting to feel like I had two older brothers instead of just one. "I'm fine, Pone. I won't be long." The truth was, I was feeling pretty tired, but I figured if I went slow it might not seem like as much work. I turned away from the house and started to wander. I didn't really have any particular place in mind and just let my feet carry me. I got lost in my thoughts again and didn't notice where I was going. After a while I found I'd arrived at a place I hadn't expected. It seemed like a good place to be right then, though. I sat down and drew my knees up to my chin, finding comfort and peace in my surroundings.

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I got home from work tired and frustrated. I'd gone to the warehouse again only to find the place still flooded and closed to workers. Unloading and organizing boxes hadn't really been top on my list of things I wanted to do that night, but I was annoyed I was going to lose another night's pay. I'd spent most of the day thinking about Soda. I'd felt awful giving him the second piece of news. No one deserved to go through this, least of all him. I would've taken his place in a second if I could've. Pony had looked so dejected when Soda had brushed him off. The two of them were so close and it was unusual for Soda to do anything to hurt him, even unintentionally. Steve had tried to offer us some comfort by reminding us that at least the treatment was working. We were all incredibly thankful for that bit of news. I'd been trying to keep my hopes up through all of this, but now I had real reason to believe that Soda might get better. I just wish he wasn't going to have to go through so much pain first.

When I went into the house, I found Ponyboy, Steve, and Two-Bit on the couch watching TV. They all looked up when they heard the door open and I saw Pony frown a little at my presence; he knew what my early arrival meant. "Is Soda sleeping?" I asked, wanting to avoid comments about my work schedule. I was already annoyed and didn't want to dwell on it anymore.

"No, he went for a walk," Two-Bit answered.

Pony looked at the clock on the wall. "That was over an hour ago. He should be back by now." I could hear the concern in his voice and grew a bit worried myself. Normally Soda could take care of himself just fine, but he wasn't in the best of shape right then and I wasn't sure if the Socs would jump him, even if he was sick. "Should we go look for him, Dare?" Pony asked.

"Yeah, just to be on the safe side. Steve, can you and Two-Bit stay here in case he calls or comes back?"

"Of course," Steve answered. "I'm sure he's fine. He probably just lost track of time."

I nodded. I was sure he was right, but I didn't want to take any chances. "C'mon Pone." I picked my keys up and headed back out to the truck. As we drove through our neighborhood we both kept our eyes peeled for signs of our brother. The further away from our house we drove the more worried I got. The last thing we needed was for him to get hurt or sick. I was just thinking about doing another sweep around the neighborhood when it hit me. "I know where he is," I said confidently, turning the car around and earning a confused look from Pony.

"What? How do you know?"

"It's something he said earlier." I didn't bother to explain further. As soon as we got close Pony seemed to realize where I was headed. I pulled into the cemetery and slowly drove through the narrow lanes. When we got to our parents' gravesite we saw Soda quietly sitting next to their headstones. He didn't look up when we got out of the car, but he knew we were there.

"Hi," he said softly as we sat down beside him. "How'd you find me?"

"This morning—you said you missed them," I reminded him. None of us spoke after that. We sat quietly for a long time, each lost in our own thoughts and memories until eventually Soda got up and headed for the truck, silently telling us he was ready to go home.

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Hope you enjoyed. I want to say in my defense, I didn't plan for Soda's treatment to progress like that. It wasn't till it was too late that I realized it was the most likely thing to happen, at least as far as I can tell.


	15. Chapter 15

I'm so sorry it took so long to update! Work has been crazy. I thought supply teaching would die down in the last few weeks of school, but I've been booked solid. I literally walk into a school and have people hounding me to work, and people keep asking me to work at my other job, too. There's only 4 days left of the school year, though, so hopefully I'll get more time to write. Hopefully.

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I spent Monday trying in vain to distract myself from thoughts of what would happen that evening. Pony and I went to the DX to visit Steve, who was working mostly day shifts during the summer. We watched him work on the cars for a while and chatted with Brad, the supervisor. He was a real nice guy and he'd said he'd do his best to have a job waiting for me when I was ready to come back. After lunch, Pony read Lord of the Rings to me for a while. It was useless though. I liked hearing him read, but I couldn't keep my mind focused. Finally, I gave up and watched game shows on TV, waiting for Darry to come home to take me to the hospital. We'd decided to keep doing the treatments at 5:30 so that Darry could be home with me most nights. I hated that he'd have to take care of me after he'd worked all day, but I had to admit that I really wanted him there with me. Besides, he's the one who'd insisted on the time, and there was no arguing with Darry once he'd made up his mind.

When I heard our truck pull into the driveway, my stomach clenched. Pony, who'd been keeping me company on the couch, glanced up as Darry came through the door. "You guys ready to go?" Darry asked. I got up and put my shoes on without a word. Darry put a hand gently on my shoulder as I passed him, silently asking me if I was okay. I nodded and headed out to the truck.

When we got to the hospital we were shown to a room to wait for Dr. Sheldon. It wasn't the same room as I'd had last time, but it might as well have been. It had the same equipment and the same plain white walls. It made me suddenly thankful again for my newly decorated room at home. We weren't there long before Dr. Sheldon came in. "Good evening. How have you been this week, Soda?" he asked kindly. I think what I liked best about him was that I could tell he actually cared about my answer.

"Pretty good, I guess. I've still been real tired, but mostly okay otherwise."

"Good, I'm glad to hear that. Were you eating well?"

I shrugged. "I've been eating, but I still haven't been hungry. Except Friday," I added brightly. I smiled as I remembered actually enjoying a meal for a change instead of forcing myself to eat.

He chuckled at that. "Alright, let's get going so you can go home. I've had you lie down for a few hours after the last couple times you had this procedure, but since this one will be giving you the chemotherapy, I'm going to send you right home. Hopefully that way you can be settled in before your symptoms start." I grimaced, not wanting to think about that part. I lay down and got myself ready. I figured there wasn't any point in putting it off. Dr. Sheldon got right to it and after a minute I felt the numbing needle go into my back. I couldn't imagine doing this without it. I closed my eyes while the second needle injected the drugs, holding tight to the hands offered by Darry and Pony. Since Dr. Sheldon didn't have to remove any fluid this time, the needle didn't stay in as long as before. After a few seconds, I felt it come out and I sighed in relief.

As Dr. Sheldon put away his equipment, I sat up and got myself ready to go. Like he'd said, I wanted to be home before I started feeling sick. "That's all for today, Soda. Make sure you rest while you're at home, even if you're feeling okay. You'll have good days, but you're also going to have bad days, just like last time, and you need to keep your body as strong as possible to prepare for those."

"Don't worry, he'll take it easy." I glared at Darry, but I wasn't really mad. I liked that he was here during all this. When we got home I went straight to my room and pulled the drapes down. My head was already pounding and I was starting to feel queasy. I took my street clothes off and was halfway through putting on my pajamas when my stomach rebelled. I made it across the room to the garbage can and immediately threw up. When I was done, I sat on the floor and leaned back against the bed to catch my breath. My stomach was still turning and Pony came into the room just in time to see me throw up again. As he put an arm around my shoulders and I struggled for control, my spirits dropped; it was going to be a long two weeks.

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Darry and I were in the kitchen getting dinner ready. We figured Soda wouldn't be able to keep much down, but we were both getting pretty hungry. Soda had gone off to our room right away and we'd let him go, hoping he would just fall asleep. We'd barely started chopping up vegetables when we heard him get sick. Darry started to move towards the hall, but I stopped him. "It's okay Dare. I'll go."

"You sure, kiddo?" I think he wanted to protect me as much as he could.

"Yeah. You're the better cook, anyway," I told him. I was relieved when he nodded and went back to work. I didn't want him to feel like he always had to be the one to take care of Soda. When I opened our bedroom door, I saw Soda on the ground in just his pajama bottoms, leaning against the bed with his eyes closed. Just as I joined him he leaned over the garbage can. I rubbed his back, knowing it wouldn't do much good, but wanting to do what I could, anyway. When he'd finished, I asked gently, "Do you want help getting into bed?"

He shook his head. "'S'okay. I can make it that far."

He shakily got up and I quickly pulled the covers back for him. When he'd settled in I covered him up and sat down on the edge of the bed. I noticed how dark it was in the room and looked at him in concern. "How's your head?"

"It's fine."

"Soda," I said sternly. I knew he hadn't pulled the drapes cause of his stomach.

He sighed. "It's throbbing," he admitted. He opened his eyes and looked at me. "I can smell dinner cooking. You should go eat."

"I'm good right here," I insisted.

"I'll be fine, Pone." When I still didn't move, he sighed. "Look, I'll call you guys if I need you, okay?"

I looked at him doubtfully, not sure if he would really call us or if he would try and ride out his symptoms on his own. Finally, I got up to leave, figuring we were right down the hall. Besides, I needed to eat sometime. "How is he?" Darry asked as I went back into the kitchen.

"He's got a headache," I told him. "He's real tired, too. He had trouble standing up."

Darry sighed and rubbed his face. "We'll have to keep an eye on him. I don't want him hurting himself if he tries to get up when we're not there." I nodded, agreeing with him. I wasn't sure how we were going to convince Soda to let us stay with him all the time, though. I know he'd liked our company in the hospital, but now that he was at home he wasn't gonna like people hovering over him, especially on his better days. When we'd finished dinner, I cleaned up the dishes while Darry went to check on Soda. He came back quickly. "He's asleep," he informed me. I was glad to hear that news. At least he didn't feel sick when he was asleep.

Later that night I woke up out of a deep sleep. I sat up and looked around, confused for a minute about why I'd woken up. Then I heard Soda moan, followed by the sounds of him getting sick. "Oh, Soda," I murmured, leaning over and rubbing his back again; I felt his body shake under my hand. The door opened and a bit of light poured in from the hall. Darry came in and knelt next to our bed, gently putting a cool cloth on Soda's forehead once he was lying back down.

"Go back to bed, Darry," Soda whispered. "You've gotta work tomorrow." His eyes were closed and I could see in the dim light that his face was pale and covered in sweat. Darry ignored the request and Soda didn't ask again. It was only a minute before his breathing evened out and he fell back to sleep. Darry got up, squeezed my shoulder, and left the room. I sighed, curling up with my arm around my sleeping brother.

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I found Ponyboy sitting on the couch waiting for me when I walked into the Curtis house on Saturday afternoon. It was time for Sodapop to go to the hospital and I was the only one able to take him. Pony had found a few lawns to mow, but he'd also managed to pick up some babysitting jobs. He'd been asked to watch a couple of kids from down the street tonight and he hadn't wanted to turn down the money. Steve was working and Darry had to pick up groceries on his way home from work. He'd considered putting it off, but I'd told him I was good taking Soda tonight. I'd seen their fridge and it was pretty much empty. "Hey, kid," I said, smiling at him. "Where's Soda? We need to get goin'."

"I think he's still asleep," Pony responded. "You gonna to be okay getting him there? I'm supposed to be at the Johnson's in a few minutes…" He trailed off and I could see his reluctance to leave his brother.

"What, you think I can't handle a quick drive downtown and back?" I asked in mock hurt. Ponyboy glared at me and I sighed. "Look kid," I said seriously. "Soda'll be fine with me. I'll get him back here in one piece and Darry should be home by then. Those Johnson kids are little hellions, so don't you spend your night worrying about us here. We'll be fine."

He rolled his eyes at me. "Gee, thanks Two-Bit. I feel much better now."

I grinned and ruffled his hair, earning a punch to the arm. As Pony left the house, I walked down the hall to his and Soda's room. Sure enough, I found Sodapop fast asleep. I sat down on the edge of the bed and gently shook him awake. He opened his eyes and looked at me groggily. "Hey, Two-Bit. Whatcha doing here?"

"It's time to go to the hospital." He looked at the clock, saw I was right, and groaned.

"Alright. Let's get this over with so I can go back to sleep." He slowly sat up and grabbed a pair of socks from the floor. He swayed a little when he stood up and I leaned out an arm to offer him support.

"You okay, buddy?" I thought he was usually feeling pretty good around this time of day since a lot of the medicine was out of system.

"Yeah, I'm just tired." He didn't sound very convincing, but I kept my mouth shut. If he said he was okay, who was I to argue? When he'd gotten his shoes on we went outside to my car and started for the hospital. I found a close parking space, which was helpful cause I had to help Soda into the building. The poor guy was practically falling asleep on his feet. There were some wheelchairs by the front doors and when I offered him one he sat without hesitation. I didn't comment, but his reaction, or lack of reaction, had me worried. I knew he hated being wheeled around like an invalid and for him not to argue about it was a first as far as I knew.

We met Dr. Sheldon when we stepped out of the elevator and he showed us to the room where Soda would get his treatment. "Nice to see you again, Two-Bit," he said to me as I helped a half asleep Soda onto the bed. The first time we'd talked, the doc had tried to call me Keith, but I'd put a stop to that real fast. "Soda, are you ready?" he asked. Soda mumbled something unintelligible, which I guess the doctor took as a yes. I sat down next to Soda while Dr. Sheldon got to work. I'd never seen this part of the treatment and I was shocked when I saw the size of the needle he was going to use. No wonder Soda had been so upset about it. Soda seemed to wake up as the needle went into his back and I saw a look of pain flash across his face.

"So, Pony's lookin' after the Johnson's tonight," I said, trying to distract him. "How much do ya wanna bet they destroy the house while he's there?" The Johnson boys were five and eight and were both hell on wheels already.

Soda laughed weakly. "As long as they don't burn it down, he should be okay." He started to relax and I saw Dr. Sheldon start putting his stuff away.

"Can I take him home now?" I was surprised at how fast the whole thing was.

"Yes, he's all finished for today," he said, leaving the room. Soda, who was much more awake now, sat up and got ready to go.

I brought the wheelchair over to the bed and Soda eyed it darkly. "Aw, c'mon Two-Bit. Darry's not here and I can walk," he complained.

"Now that sounds much more like the Sodapop Curtis I know." I was relieved he wasn't so out of it now. "But, if I let you walk and Darry finds out, he'll skin me. You wouldn't want that on your conscience, would ya?" Soda gave me a death glare, but he climbed off the bed and took a seat in the wheelchair anyway. He made it from the front doors to the car himself, but I made sure to stay right next to him in case he needed help. Everything seemed to be going okay till we were a few blocks from his house. Soda suddenly doubled over in the seat next to me and grabbed his head. "Soda?" I questioned, not sure what was going on. He'd been fine a second ago. "Buddy, you okay?"

"It's my head," he hissed through gritted teeth. "I need—I need the pain meds." Shit. I didn't have any of those with me.

"We're almost there. Just hang on another couple minutes, okay?" Soda groaned in response. I sped up, then cursed as the light ahead of me turned red. I would've risked a ticket, but the traffic was too heavy for me to try running the light. I didn't need to get us into an accident on top of everything else. While I waited impatiently for the light to change, or at least for the traffic to slow enough for me to get through, I put a hand on Soda's back. He was still doubled over and I could hear his breath coming in gasps. As soon as the light turned green I slammed on the gas. I drove the last three blocks at speeds that would have made Dallas proud and pulled into the Curtis' driveway with a loud screech. Darry's truck was already there and he was unloading groceries from the front seat. "We're here Soda. Just sit tight and I'll be right back." He didn't answer and I didn't wait.

"Two-Bit, what's going on?" Darry demanded when I jumped out of the car.

"It's Soda. He's having another episode." I heard Darry curse and from the corner of my eye I saw him rush over to the passenger side of my car. I was already racing into the house. I ran down the hall to Soda and Pony's room, yanked open the nightstand drawer and quickly found what I needed. When I'd filled the syringe with the right amount of liquid I ran back outside. Darry had managed to get Soda out of the car, but not much further. Soda had collapsed on the lawn and was curled into a ball around Darry's arm, who was kneeling next to him. Soda was still holding his head with one hand and had the other latched onto Darry's arm so tight his knuckles were turning white. From the bit of his face I could see, he had tears streaming down his cheeks. I yanked up his shirt sleeve and pushed the needle into his arm. When all the liquid had gone into his vein, I sat back and waited impatiently for it to start working. I was cursing myself for not thinking to bring any with me in the first place. I'd never seen his breakthrough pain get this bad; we'd always gotten the drugs into him right away.

Darry had his free arm around Soda's back, cradling him protectively. It took a couple of minutes, but finally Soda's breathing turned from ragged to more even. He let go of his head and loosened his grip on Darry's arm some, who took advantage of this to turn Soda around and hold him more securely. Soda responded by grabbing onto Darry's shirt and burying his face in the material. "It's okay, little buddy," I heard Darry whisper. "It's over now. It's okay." Soda let out a small sob and I started to feel even guiltier. If I'd just brought the meds with us in the first place, he wouldn't be feeling like this. Gently, Darry stood up with Soda curled up in his arms. "Two-Bit, can you get the door for me?" he asked, not taking his eyes off his brother. I silently got up and let them in the house.

When I'd closed the door behind them, I sat down on the porch steps, at a loss for what to do. Now that the adrenaline had worn off, I felt stunned by what had just happened. I'd seen people jumped and I used to see Johnny in pain from his dad's beatings all the time, but this was different. Soda hadn't been hurt by a person; he'd been hurt by his own body. It had happened so fast I couldn't believe it.

I sat like this for a few minutes, dazed, until I noticed Darry's truck was still open. I went over and started to bring the groceries into the house. By the time Darry came out of Soda's room again, I'd brought everything inside and put it away. I was leaning against the counter, trying to decide what to do next.

"I'm so sorry, Darry," I said quietly as he sat down at the kitchen table and put his head in his hands.

He looked up at me, surprised. "For what?"

"For not taking Soda's medicine with us. That's why he got so bad."

Darry shook his head and gave me a tired smile, which surprised me. I thought he'd be pissed. "It's not your fault, Two-Bit. None of us have been taking it with us to the hospital. I never thought about him having an episode in the car. Don't blame yourself."

I was relieved he wasn't upset, but I still felt awful. "How is he?" I asked hesitantly.

Darry sighed and looked down the hall. "He's not good. He still has a migraine and he's feeling pretty lousy otherwise, too. I'm gonna stay with him, make sure he doesn't need anything." He got up and started to head back to Soda's room. "Can you stay for a while, Two-Bit, just in case?"

"Of course," I agreed immediately. I wanted to do what I could to help.

"Thanks," Darry said, and he disappeared down the hall.

I turned the TV on low volume and settled down on the couch, but I didn't pay much attention to what was on. I kept chewing myself out, even though Darry had said not to worry about it. I may be lazy and irresponsible sometimes, but I can use my head when I need to and I should've thought to bring Soda's stuff with me. I vowed not to make that mistake again.

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I quietly opened the door to Soda's room, trying to make as little noise as possible. I didn't want to aggravate his headache more. I took a seat in the armchair by the bed, which I'd dragged in from the living room earlier in the week. He opened his eyes as I sat down. "Hey, Darry." His voice was barely even a whisper.

"Hey little buddy," I said softly, leaning forward and taking his hand. "Feeling any better?"

"A little. It still hurts. And I'm tired." He closed his eyes again as he said this.

"Go to sleep, Soda. You'll feel better when you wake up." I hoped I wasn't lying to him, but right then my main priority was getting him to rest.

"Mmm," was all I got as a reply. I listened as his breathing evened out into the steady rhythm of sleep and I leaned back again, hoping to get a bit of rest myself. There wasn't much hope of that, though. I'd barely started to drift off when I was jerked awake by the sound of Soda moaning.

"What is it?" Soda answered me by leaning over and getting sick in the garbage can. I moved over to sit on the edge of the bed and starting rubbing circles on his back. When he was finished, he lay back down and curled into a ball.

"Darry, can I have more pain medicine?"

I hesitated. "I'm not sure, Soda. Let me go phone the hospital. I don't want to overdose you or you'll just feel worse."

I got up to leave, but he grabbed my hand before I could completely stand up. I looked back at him, not sure what was wrong now. "You won't be long, will you?" he asked timidly.

I felt my heart skip a beat at the fragility in his voice. He sounded just like he had when he was six and had the measles. I'd stayed with him while dad was at work and mom was making dinner. He'd been curled up on his side then, too, and anytime I'd tried to get up for anything he would latch onto me and beg me to stay. "No, I won't be long, Pepsi-Cola. I'll be back as soon as I talk to the doctor." He nodded slightly and let go of my hand.

I had the number for the hospital right next to the phone in the living room just in case we needed it in a hurry. Two-Bit watched me as I came into the room and started dialing, curious about what I was doing. I knew he was feeling bad about what had happened, but I really didn't blame him at all. I'd never even thought about needing Soda's medicine in the car, or anywhere else, either. I knew we were going to have to start carrying it with us everywhere from now on. I waited while the phone rang until someone finally picked up. "Tulsa General Hospital, how may I direct your call?" a woman answered abruptly.

"I need to speak to Dr. Sheldon." I waited impatiently as she put me on hold; I knew Soda was waiting for me to come back. I heard him get sick down the hall and my own stomach dropped. Two-Bit got up from the couch and headed towards my brother's room; I smiled at his retreating back, relieved that Two-Bit and been able to stick around so that Soda wouldn't be alone for the next few minutes. I started tapping my foot as I listened to the hold music, hoping I wouldn't be waiting long. The minutes stretched on until I finally heard a click on the other end.

"This is Dr. Sheldon speaking."

"Hello, sir," I said politely. He was an efficient man and I knew he hadn't kept me waiting any longer than he'd had to. "It's Darrel Curtis calling about Sodapop."

"Hello Darrel. What's the problem?"

"Well, he had an episode of breakthrough pain on the way home from the hospital and he didn't have his meds with him. He's got them now, but he says his head still hurts real bad. Can I give him another dose of the stronger pain meds, or will that hurt him?"

"When is he due for his next dose of regular medication?"

"Umm…" I glanced at the clock; it was 6:40. "Not for another two and half hours."

Dr. Sheldon sighed. "It's better if he can wait. Try and get him through the next couple of hours. If he can't manage, give him 1cc, just to tide him over, but not closer than one hour before he's due for his regular meds, unless he has another episode. Okay?"

"Alright, I understand. Thank you doctor."

"You're welcome, Darrel. I hope Soda feels better."

"Me, too. Thanks." I hung up the phone, disappointed. I'd been hoping I could just give Soda what he wanted so he'd feel better. I considered giving him the partial dose anyway, but I figured that there was probably a reason Dr. Sheldon had said to only do it if we really had to.

I made my way back down the hall. When I opened the door I found Two-Bit sitting on the edge of the bed, holding a damp cloth to Soda's forehead. Two-Bit looked up when I came in and immediately stood up so I could take his place. I smiled my thanks at him and as he left the room I turned my attention to Soda. He'd opened his eyes and was looking at me hopefully. "What did the doctor say?" he asked.

I sighed and reached my hand over to squeeze his shoulder. "He said it's better if we wait," I told him sympathetically. I wished I had a different answer to give him.

I saw his eyes fill with disappointment, but he nodded his head anyway. "I kinda figured," he admitted. "How's Two-Bit? He seemed upset."

"He feels guilty about what happened."

Soda frowned. "He shouldn't. It's not his fault."

"I tried telling him that, but you know that guy; you can't knock any sense into him." Soda started to laugh, then winced and closed his eyes. "Shh," I whispered, crawling over him and lying down. I pulled him into my arms and he turned over and curled into me. I rubbed the back of his head—I still hadn't gotten used to how smooth it was—and continued to soothe him. "Just rest, Soda. You'll feel better soon." I felt the front of my shirt dampen and I held Soda tighter.

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Hope you enjoyed! I've had that scene with Two-Bit in my head for weeks and it was nice to finally get to write it. Thanks so much to everyone who's been reviewing! :)


	16. Chapter 16

Thanks again to everyone who's been reviewing, and to all the new people who reviewed the last couple of chapters!

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_I watched my little brother, who was curled up on his side, apparently asleep. I was thirsty, so I decided to go to the kitchen for a glass of water. I'd been sitting in the armchair Dad had pulled into the room and I stood up to leave. The second I did, though, I felt a hand on my arm. I looked down at Soda who was staring at me with wide, fearful eyes. "Where're you going, Darry?" he asked. _

_I sighed. He'd done this every time I'd tried to leave the room. I'd been watching him for over an hour and I was bored. "I'm thirsty. I'm going to get a glass of water." Soda's eyes welled with tears and I started to feel guilty. I remembered how sick I'd felt when I'd had the measles. "I'll be right back, okay Sodapop?"_

"_You promise?" Soda asked tearfully._

"_Yeah, I promise." I felt his grip loosen and, relieved, I pulled my arm away and left the room. Mom looked up from the stove when I went into the kitchen. _

"_How's he doing?" she asked._

_I shrugged. "The same. Mom, how much longer do I have to watch him? Me and Two-Bit were gonna play football." I knew I sounded whiny, but I was bored._

"'_Two-Bit and I', dear." I rolled my eyes. Mom was always trying to make us talk better. She put down the spoon she'd been using to stir the pot of soup and knelt down so we were eye to eye. "Darry, you're Sodapop's big brother. He needs you to watch out for him, especially right now. Can you do that for me?"_

_I looked down at my feet. Mom sure had a way of making us do what she wanted. "Yeah, I guess so."_

"_Good. I knew I could count on you." She stood up and ruffled my hair. "You're getting to be such a big boy." She smiled at me and I beamed back proudly. I loved being told I was grown up._

_Mom turned back to the stove and I got a glass out of the cupboard. When I'd filled it with water from the sink, I headed back down the hall to Soda's room. I could hear him coughing before I even opened the door and I suddenly felt bad for leaving him. He smiled at me when he saw me and I grinned back at him. "Hey, little buddy," I said, sitting back down in the armchair. Soda opened his mouth to say something, but went into a coughing fit instead. "Easy, Sodapop. Don't try to talk." When he'd calmed down, he stared at me sadly, but didn't say anything. I guess he was afraid he'd start coughing again. I pushed his hair back from his forehead and cringed at how hot he was. He'd had a fever the past two days and I knew it was making him feel lousy. Mom had left a cloth and a bowl of cold water beside the bed; I dipped the cloth in the water, then lay it on Soda's head._

"_Thanks, Darry. I love you," Soda mumbled, half asleep._

_I smiled at my little brother. "I love you too, Sodapop." I guess taking care of him for a while wasn't so bad. _

I was shaken out of my memory by the sound of the bedroom door opening. Ponyboy walked in quietly, trying not to wake Soda, who'd fallen asleep in my arms. I looked over at the clock, surprised to see that it was already after eleven. "Hey, kiddo," I whispered. "How were the Johnson kids?"

Pony made a face and sat down on the edge of the bed. "A nightmare. Somehow they got their hands on some paint and ended up smearing it all over the floor. When I finally got them to go to sleep it took me the whole rest of the night to get the place cleaned up." I chuckled, earning a punch to the arm. "It's not funny," Pony muttered.

"Sorry, Pone," I apologized, trying my best to keep a straight face. I knew those kids really were awful and I didn't envy Pony at all for having to spend the night with them.

"How was Soda tonight?" Pony asked, watching our brother sleep.

I was about to lie, or at least gloss over the truth, but stopped myself. I studied my youngest brother for a few seconds before answering. He'd really grown up over the past year. He wasn't an innocent little kid anymore. "He had a real bad episode on the way home from the hospital. He had a migraine the rest of the night and got sick a few times. He fell asleep a couple hours ago, after he took his pain meds."

In the dim light I saw Pony frown at the first part of the news. "He looks peaceful now," he observed. He was right. Soda was resting quietly for now and I hoped it would stay that way. Pony quickly changed, then crawled into bed on my other side. I put my arm around him and he curled up, draping an arm over my stomach and resting his hand on Soda's side. Soda stirred a little at this, but stayed asleep. Pony fell asleep almost as soon as soon as he was settled but I lay awake for a long time, listening to the gentle breathing of both my brothers. I didn't need Mom's guilt trips anymore to make me take care of them. Now there was nothing in the world that would make me willingly leave their sides as long as they needed me.

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"Soda. Soda, it's time to wake up." I groaned as the voice brought me out of the peacefulness of sleep. My eyelids felt like they weighed a ton, but with some effort I managed to open them. I found Darry sitting on the edge of my bed, watching me with concern. "How ya feelin', little buddy?" He put a hand to my forehead to check my temperature. Dr. Sheldon had done a blood test on Wednesday to see how the chemo was working and hadn't been satisfied with what he saw. He said the treatment was still working, but not fast enough. On Thursday he'd added a new drug to my treatment. He'd warned us that it might give me symptoms of the flu—fever, chills and muscle pains—and boy had he been right. I'd spent Thursday and Friday nights tossing and turning, cold one minute and hot the next.

"I'm feelin' just peachy." I groaned again as I answered Darry. I regretted my sarcasm when I noticed that he looked dog-tired himself. He'd been up most of the past two nights with me and had pulled double shifts Thursday and Friday, plus he'd worked today. I wished he'd get some sleep and let Pony look after me by himself, but he kept insisting he was fine. Darry was more stubborn than he'd ever admit. I looked over at the clock on my nightstand and saw it really was time to get up. I took a deep breath and sat up.

Even though it was afternoon I still wasn't feeling too great. I guess it was cause of the new meds. Darry helped me get my shoes on and I stood up slowly, testing myself. It was a good thing I did cause the room started spinning. I felt Darry's arm around me and then felt the bed under me again. "Easy, Soda. We'll go slow, there's no rush." I nodded a little. After sitting for a couple of minutes, I started to feel more stable and tried standing up again. Everything stayed where it was supposed to be, so I started walking to the door and down the hall, Darry's arm still around me for support.

Pony was already in the truck waiting for us. When I'd joined him I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I didn't feel like I had the energy to hold them open any longer. I vaguely heard Darry start the truck and then the next thing I knew he was shaking me awake. "Soda, we're here." Huh? I pried my eyes open and saw we were already at the hospital. I must've fallen asleep on the way. "You gonna make it in there?" Darry asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine." I just had to make it to the wheelchairs at the front door. That wasn't so far. I climbed out of the truck and leaned against Darry. Pony stayed on my other side, ready to offer support if I needed it. The second we reached the front doors I collapsed into the closest wheelchair. I hated using them, but I could barely stay awake, much less walk. The rest of the hospital visit was a blur. Dr. Sheldon asked a bunch of questions about how I was doing, but I was too out of it to answer most of them. Darry did most of the talking and I heard Pony chime in a few times, but their voices all came to me through a haze. After a while I felt the familiar stab of the spinal needle and was jolted awake. I cursed it for always waking me up when all I wanted to do was keep sleeping.

When Dr. Sheldon had finished, Darry helped me back into the wheelchair. I was more awake than before, but I still felt too exhausted to even try to walk. It didn't help that I knew I'd feel worse soon. Dr. Sheldon had said the flu symptoms usually lasted a few days and since this was only my third day on the meds, I wasn't holding my breath that tonight would be any better than last night. Sure enough, by the time we pulled into the driveway, I was freezing, even though it was ninety degrees outside. "C'mon, Soda," Darry said, undoing my seatbelt. "Let's get you to bed." He put an arm around me and helped me out of the truck. I made it about two steps before my legs gave out and I fell against Darry, who caught me and scooped me into his arms.

"I ain't helpless, Dare. I can walk," I tried to protest, but he ignored me. It was a lie, anyway. I couldn't have walked if someone had paid me to. When we got to my room he lay me down on the bed, and not a moment too soon. I instantly rolled over, found the garbage can, and got sick. I'd managed to eat a sandwich earlier and whatever was left of it came back up.

Pony had followed us and I felt him sit down on his side of the bed. I was even colder than I'd been in the car and now I was shivering uncontrollably. Pony covered me up with a few blankets. "Can we do anything, Soda?" he asked.

"Yeah," I managed to say. I was so cold my teeth were chattering. "Can you read, Pone?"

"Sure, Soda." I felt Pony move around a little, looking for his book, then he started to read. I tried to focus on the story and not on how sick I felt, but sometimes it was impossible. I was still shivering, even under the blankets, and every bone in my body ached like I'd just been hit by a truck. My stomach was empty, but it was still turning and every so often I'd lean over the garbage can, unable to stop my body from trying to get rid of anything that might still be left. I sighed in relief when my chills finally stopped. I tossed the blankets off, feeling warm for the first time in over an hour.

"Open up, Soda." I opened my mouth and Darry put the thermometer in. I knew the routine by now; when the chills stopped, it meant my temperature had gone up. As long as it stayed below 104.0 and I could keep some fluids down during the day, I could stay at home. I really didn't want to go back to the hospital. After a minute Darry took the thermometer out and smiled at what he saw. "100.4. You're still good."

Beside me, I heard Pony's stomach rumble and he looked at me sheepishly. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Pone," I told him. "You need to eat. You don't need to go starve yourselves just cause I can't keep nothin' down." When he didn't move, I reached over and shoved him towards to edge of the bed. "Go get some dinner."

Pony reluctantly left the room and I turned to my older brother. "You should eat, too, Dare. And you need to get some sleep tonight. You look awful." His face was drawn and he had bags under his eyes. I wondered if he'd had more than two hour of sleep since Wednesday.

"I'm fine, Soda. You just worry about gettin' yourself better."

"I'll do that a lot better if you don't drop dead from exhaustion. You need to sleep. And don't keep saying you're fine, cause it ain't true," I warned him when I saw him start to argue.

He closed his half open mouth and sat back in the armchair, crossing his arms. "Fine. I'll go to bed once you fall asleep. I'm off tomorrow, so I can sleep in if I want."

I studied him, not sure if I believed him. "You promise?" I asked.

"Yeah, little buddy. I promise. Now be quiet and rest, okay?"

"Okay," I agreed, closing my eyes. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep, but it took too much energy to keep them open. When Ponyboy came back from the kitchen, Darry left to take his turn eating. I had come up with a plan to make sure Darry slept through the night and I turned to Pony to convince him to help me. I knew he wouldn't like it, but I was counting on being able to use the "I'm sick, so do what I want," guilt card.

"How ya feelin', Soda?" Pony asked when he saw I was awake.

"Better, for now," I said. It wasn't exactly the truth—I still felt nauseous and achy—but I needed Pony to agree to my plan and he wouldn't if he knew how sick I was still feeling. "Look, Pone, Darry needs to get some sleep tonight."

"I know, but I can't convince him to lie down," he said, sounding frustrated. "I've tried, but he keeps ignoring me."

"I know. He's ignoring me too. But I got him to promise to go to bed once I fall asleep."

Pony looked at me doubtfully. "But Soda, that might not be for hours."

I sighed. That knowledge didn't exactly thrill me. "I know. Here's my plan: I'm gonna pretend to be asleep and you're gonna make sure Darry goes to bed. Then when he's asleep, you're gonna help me get to the kitchen."

"Why would you want to go to the kitchen?" he asked, clearly confused.

"Because," I sighed, "Darry will be up again the second he hears me get sick. The kitchen is the furthest I can get from his room and I'm hoping it's far enough that he won't hear anything."

Pony's reaction was instant and was exactly what I'd expected. "Soda, no. You can't sleep on the floor all night. I'm no doctor, but that can't be healthy."

"Well, it ain't healthy for Darry to keep killing himself by taking care of me all night," I shot back. "This is the only way to make him take a break and you know it, Pony." I glared at him, knowing I was right. Darry wouldn't listen to reason. He thought he could and should do everything. I felt my stomach start turning summersaults again and I willed it to calm down. Getting sick wasn't gonna help my case right then. "Please, Pone," I begged. I knew I couldn't do this without him.

Ponyboy was silent for a couple of minutes and I waited impatiently for his answer. I was still struggling for control of my stomach and I wanted him to agree fast. Finally, he sighed and said, "Fine. But I don't like it." He sat sulking for a bit until I finally lost my battle and threw up again.

Pony wrapped an arm around me and I took his hand, taking comfort in his presence. Darry came into the room a couple minutes later, apparently having choked down his dinner as fast as he could. Arguing with Ponyboy had taken the last of my energy and I lay with my eyes closed, but I could feel Darry sit down on the bed next to me. "Dare, I'm gonna go to sleep. You promised you would, too." I kept my eyes closed while I talked, partly for dramatic effect and partly cause I honestly couldn't find the energy to open them.

"Don't worry, little buddy. I'll go as soon as you're asleep." I slowly evened out my breathing and kept still, hoping he'd believe my act. I wasn't sure how long I could pull it off before one symptom or another betrayed me.

"I think he's asleep, Dare," I heard Pony whisper and I silently thanked him for playing along.

"I hope it stays that way," Darry sighed. I felt him get up from the bed and Pony follow him. They moved into the hallway, closing the door behind them, and then they went into Darry's room and I couldn't hear anything else. After a few minutes I heard my door open again and felt a weight on the bed.

"He's asleep," Ponyboy whispered. "You sure you wanna do this, Soda? I still don't like the idea much."

With effort, I opened my eyes and found him frowning down at me. "Yeah, I'm sure. You're gonna have to help me into the kitchen." Pony nodded and reached an arm around my back, helping me sit up. Leaning on him, I stood up and immediately wished I hadn't. The room started spinning, just like it had earlier when Darry had helped me to the truck. I ignored it this time, though. I knew if I stopped, Pony might change his mind. I concentrated on Pony's presence, letting him anchor me. Everything was still spinning as we made it to the hallway and as we kept going, my vision started to spot over, too. I put all my weight on my brother, desperately holding on to him so I didn't pass out. My entire world was reduced to the feel of Pony's arms around me, but I was determined to keep going. When he said we'd made it to the kitchen, I collapsed onto the floor, unable to hold myself up, even with support, for a second longer.

I lay sprawled out on the kitchen floor, only half aware of what was going on around me. I vaguely heard Pony leave and when he came back I felt him put a pillow under my head and a blanket over me. Through the haze I realized I was cold again and I pulled the blanket tighter around me. "Do ya have more blankets, Pone?" I asked, starting to shiver.

"Yeah, just a sec." I waited as Pony left the room. The fog in my head was starting to clear now that I was lying down again. "Here, is this enough?" Pony threw three more blankets over the one I already had.

"Yeah, it's enough. Thanks, Pone." It wasn't enough, but I was pretty sure we didn't have any more blankets in the house.

"I put a bowl beside you, Soda," he said. "You know, in case you're sick again." He tried to say it like it was just a slight possibility, but we both knew I'd need it before long. There wasn't a single night in the last two weeks that I hadn't woken up at least once to throw up. As I lay shivering on the hard kitchen floor I tried to tell myself that I really wouldn't be any more comfortable in my bed than here, anyway—not with how lousy I felt. And it was worth it if Darry could get just one good night's sleep.

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"I don't wanna fuckin' stay here, anyway!" I shouted, slamming the front door behind me on my way out of the house. I heard something shatter and more shouting, but I kept walking. My dad had thrown me out again, supposedly for good this time, but I doubted he'd even remember it in the morning. I got to the end of my block and stood on the corner, deciding which way to turn. I thought about heading to the Dingo, but after the screaming match I'd just had I really just felt like crashing. I turned left, heading for the Curtis'. The two block walk helped me cool off and by the time I reached their gate I was barely even thinking about my dad. It bothered me, being thrown out of the house all the time, but I was used to it by now. I usually found it hurt less if I didn't think about it too much.

I let myself in the front door and was hit once again by the eerie quietness of the house. Since Soda had such bad headaches all the time, the radio and TV were always either off or on low volume if someone was using them. The silence was broken by the sound of Soda getting sick. This was unfortunately a normal sound, but the strange thing tonight was that it seemed to be coming from the kitchen. I went to investigate and anger flooded through me at what I saw. Pony was sitting on the kitchen floor and Soda was lying next to him, covered in blankets. Soda was propped up on one elbow trying, without much success since there was probably nothing in his stomach, to throw up.

"What the fuck is going on here?" I growled at Pony, rushing over to join the pair on the floor. "Why isn't he in bed?"

"Just let me explain, Steve," Pony cried, holding up his hands in self defense.

I couldn't even begin to guess what explanation he could have for this. "You mean explain why your sick brother is lying on the kitchen floor instead of in his bed?" I asked incredulously.

"Steve," Soda panted from beside us, and I turned to look at him. He was as white as a sheet and shivering uncontrollably. My anger at Pony grew at seeing how sick my best friend was. "Let him talk."

I glowered, but kept my mouth shut. For Soda, I would give the kid a chance to defend himself.

"Look, Steve, I don't like this anymore than you do," Pony started and I glared harder at him. If he didn't like it than why wasn't he doing something about it? "It was Soda's idea to come out here. Darry's exhausted and Soda didn't want him staying up all night again. This is the only way to make sure Darry doesn't wake up when Soda gets sick."

As I processed this, I looked to Soda for confirmation, who nodded at me. "It's true, Steve. I made Pony take me out here."

"You _made_ him?" I asked doubtfully.

"Don't underestimate the power of guilt," Soda laughed weakly.

I studied Ponyboy, who looked honestly upset about the situation, and decided he was telling the truth. It was Soda's idea to come out here, and these days Soda pretty much got whatever he wanted. I sighed, realizing that if Pony couldn't convince Soda to stay in bed, I probably wasn't gonna have any better luck. And it was true that there'd be no way to convince Darry to leave Soda's side. "Fine, have it your way. Can I get ya anythin'?"

Soda shook his head. "Thanks, Steve."

"Anytime, buddy." I hated seeing him curled up on the floor and shaking, but there really was no going against what he wanted. Pony and I spent the rest of the night taking turns getting Soda whatever he needed. Each time his chills stopped we took his temperature. When it reached 103.2 at five in the morning, we started to worry that we'd have to take him into the hospital, but we got lucky; his fever broke an hour later. Drenched in sweat, Soda finally fell into a deep sleep and Ponyboy and I both breathed sighs of relief.

"C'mon, Pony. Let's get him back to bed. Maybe Darry never even has to know about this." Soda had lost a lot of weight since he started his treatment and I could pick him up easily now. Pony nodded in agreement and I started to move to pick my friend up when a sudden noise made us freeze. Footsteps were coming down the hall; Darry was up.

He came into the kitchen and we both watched as the look on his face changed from tired, to confused, to angry. He knelt down next to his brother and furiously demanded, "Why's Soda on the floor?" Ponyboy looked terrified and I couldn't say I blamed him; an angry Darrel Curtis ain't a pleasant sight.

"Calm down, Darry," I said. "Let's get Soda back into bed and then we'll explain everything."

"You're damn right you will," Darry hissed, picking Soda up and leaving the room. I tugged on Pony's arm and motioned to the couch. We both moved over to it and sat down, trying to figure out how to explain things to Darry. When he came back he stood over us with his arms crossed. "So, do you two want to share why my sick brother apparently spent the night on the kitchen floor instead of in his bed?"

"Dare, I'm really sorry," Pony stammered, eyes on his feet.

"I don't want to hear it, Ponyboy. Just tell me why."

Pony didn't say anything and I actually felt sorry for him. He was caught between his two brothers, not wanting to rat out Soda but not wanting to disappoint Darry, either. "Soda wanted to spend the night there," I told Darry, making Pony's decision for him.

"What?" Darry asked, clearly not expecting that answer. "Why would he want to do that?"

"Cause of you," I burst out, suddenly annoyed by Darry's ignorance.

Darry opened his mouth to respond, then closed it again, apparently at a loss for words. Finally, he managed to ask, more softly now, "Why?"

"Cause you're killing yourself tryin' to take care of him all the time. He wanted to make sure you actually got some sleep last night instead of tryin' to push yourself to exhaustion." Darry sat down on the coffee table, looking stunned at what I'd said. "You ain't Superman, Darry," I added, a little softer.

We sat in silence for a couple minutes till Darry spoke up. "It was really cause of me?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah," Pony said, finally looking up from his feet. "We're both real worried about you, Dare. You can't keep doing it all yourself. Let me stay up with him sometimes. You don't need to be there every minute."

Darry sighed and rubbed his face. "Okay kiddo, you're right. I'll try and ease up a bit. Sorry I yelled at you." Pony shrugged, but didn't say anything. He and Darry got along a lot better now, but I think Ponyboy was still real sensitive about criticism from Darry. Darry must've noticed cause he grabbed Pony around the waist, hauled him up and ruffled his hair. "C'mon Pone. Get the kitchen cleaned up and I'll make breakfast. Then you're gonna get some sleep." Pony nodded and seemed to relax a little once he was sure Darry wasn't mad.

I left the brothers to fixing breakfast and snuck down the hall to Soda's room. I crept in, closed the door behind me, and quietly took a seat in the armchair. He looked a lot more peaceful now that he was asleep. I didn't know how much longer I could stand seeing him so sick. It'd be different if we knew this was just temporary, but even though the chemo was working some, there were still no guarantees. I leaned back in the armchair, suddenly exhausted. I closed my eyes and listened to the deep breathing of my best friend, letting it lull me into a dreamless sleep.

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As always, I love to hear what you think. :)


	17. Chapter 17

I want to say a huge thank you to whoever nominated me for The Outsider's Fan Fiction Awards. It was a nice surprise to come home to that email! Now, for a shameless plug ;) —if you want to vote, the link is /ihatejacob1/The-Outsiders

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I could smell breakfast cooking when I woke up on Friday morning. That was unusual. Normally I was the first one up and therefore the one to make breakfast. I figured it had to be Pony cooking. Soda had barely had enough energy this week to get up for more than a few minutes at a time. We helped him into the living room a lot so he could spend time with the gang and also so he could get out of his room, but he usually ended up falling asleep on the couch. It was his week off the treatment so I was surprised he was so tired all the time. I was concerned, too, since he'd felt pretty good on his last week off. This last round of chemo had been rougher than the first one, though, so I was trying to pass his exhaustion off as recovery time. I usually tried not to think about it too much. The worry was driving me crazy when I did think.

I dragged myself out of bed, not feeling terribly energetic myself. Breakfast smelled awfully good, which was about the only reason I felt motivated enough to get up. Sure enough, I found Ponyboy standing over the stove cooking eggs, bacon, and toast. "Hey, Dare," he said, not looking up from what he was doing.

"Morning, Pone," I greeted, getting the coffee ready. I felt like I was practically living off coffee these days. After what happened last week, I was letting Pony handle Soda's night symptoms more, but that didn't change my work hours. I had some extra roofing hours this week since Soda wasn't so sick. He didn't need me to stay home and watch him sleep.

When Pony had everything ready, we put the food on to three plates and I helped him carry it all down the hall to his and Soda's room. We'd been eating in there a lot so Soda didn't have to spend extra energy sitting at the kitchen table. Just another change to make our lives less than normal. When we had everything set up—we'd bought a small tray for Soda to put his food on—I gently shook Soda's shoulder. "Breakfast time, Sodapop," I whispered. As long as his stomach was settled I wasn't letting him skip out on any meals. He'd lost enough weight last week with the fever and constant nausea.

Soda slowly stirred and opened his eyes. "Is it morning already?" he asked, looking around at the sunlit room.

"Yeah, little buddy. Time to get some food into ya."

I saw him wince and I felt bad for him. Eating was never pleasant for him anymore, even when he didn't feel sick. I know his appetite was totally gone, and I think that he was always afraid of feeling sick later, even though he usually kept food down when he wasn't on treatment. Usually, but not always—he'd been sick a few times during the week.

"Alright," he said, sitting up. "Give it here." Pony set the tray up on Soda's lap and we all started eating. Pony usually sat on the floor and I'd mastered the art of balancing my plate on my lap. I'm sure Social Services would have a field day with this set up, but I didn't care. I wasn't gonna make Soda eat by himself. I'd been relieved they weren't swooping in like vultures to take Pony away during all this. Dr. Sheldon hadn't said as much, but I had the impression he'd pulled a few strings to keep the State off our backs.

Soda was half asleep again by the time Pony and I had finished eating. There was still some food left on his plate, but I wasn't going to push him. These days he was doing well if he ate even half a meal. Pony and I quietly left the room and headed to the kitchen with the dishes. "Pone, I'll clean up," I offered when we'd dumped everything in the sink.

He looked at me skeptically. "You sure, Dare? I don't mind helping."

I nodded. "Yeah, you made breakfast." Pony shrugged and headed out front with a pack of cigarettes. I turned to the sink and started scrubbing the plates clean. I focused on the task at hand, making sure my mind didn't wander. If I didn't keep my thoughts in check, they usually started drifting to worst case scenarios, just like they had when Pony had been in Windrixville.

I was concentrating so hard on the dishes that I jumped when I heard the front door slam closed. I whirled around, annoyed that any of the gang would be so loud when they knew Soda was probably sleeping. I was surprised to find Pony standing in the kitchen doorway, holding the mail. He had a furious look on his face, which completely baffled me until I noticed the piece of mail on the top of the pile. "Why didn't you tell me, Darry?" he demanded.

I sighed and took the mail from his hand, moving the top piece with the bright red "FINAL NOTICE" stamped on it to the bottom of the pile. "What would you have done if I had told you, Pony?"

"I could've helped!" he cried. "I could've tried to get more jobs so I could help out more."

"Pone," I said gently, "you shouldn't have to work more. You shouldn't have to work at all. I can handle this. I'll have the money to pay this bill when I get my paycheck today."

"And what about the next bill?" he retorted. "Your paycheck'll be gone, so how'll we pay that one?"

"Look, I'm handling it, okay?" I snapped. "You don't need to worry about it."

"Dare, you said you weren't gonna try to do everything by yourself anymore."

I groaned and rubbed my forehead, feeling a headache coming on. "Pone, you can't help with this more than you already are. I appreciate the extra money you're bringing in, but it just ain't enough to cover everything. That's why I picked up some extra hours this week."

"I can phone the Johnson's and see if they still need me to work tomorrow," he suggested. The Johnson's had called yesterday to see if Pony could watch their kids for the whole day tomorrow while they went out of town. I could understand why he'd said no after what he'd had to put up with the last time he was there. I didn't want him to have to go through that again, but I had to admit that twelve hours of pay would be real nice to have.

"You sure, Pone? You don't have to if you don't want to."

"Yeah, I'm sure." He didn't hesitate, but I could hear the distaste in his voice. He went to the living room to make the call and I let him go. He didn't know it, but there'd be more final notices coming soon if we didn't get some cash fast. I was planning to pawn off a couple things to hopefully keep on top of the bills. I had a leather football jacket from high school I didn't need anymore and I was hoping I could get away with "losing" my watch without anyone thinking too much of it.

I heard Pony hang up the phone—the Johnson's had still needed someone, which wasn't surprising—and immediately the phone rang. Pony answered it, then poked his head into the kitchen. "Dare, it's Dr. Sheldon." I could see the anxiousness on his face. This would be the results of Soda's latest tests.

"Hello, Dr. Sheldon," I said, taking the phone from Pony.

"Hello, Darrel. I have Soda's tests results here and I wanted to let you know how they went and what needs to happen next."

What needs to happen next? That sounded ominous to me. "Alright, let's hear it." Pony was sitting on the arm of the couch, watching for my reaction.

"Soda's white blood cell count is down again, so the chemotherapy is still working. His blood test came back better than the one I took last Wednesday, which means the new drug is helping. Unfortunately, Soda has lost a lot of weight in just the past week."

"I know," I sighed, feeling bad about my brother's deteriorating health. "He could only keep food down in the mornings with the new meds."

"I understand, Darrel, and I'm not blaming you. He's going to have the same problem in the first few days of his next round of treatment, until his body gets used to the meds. I'd like him to stay in the hospital so we can keep him hydrated and make sure he gets the nutrients he needs, at least for the first couple of days. I'm hopeful he'll be able to go home by Wednesday or Thursday."

I leaned against the wall and put my head in my free hand. This wasn't want I wanted to hear. "Are you sure it's necessary?" I asked. I knew Soda wouldn't want to stay overnight in the hospital again and I assumed he'd be on an IV, which he really wasn't gonna like.

"Yes. If he doesn't get the nutrition he needs, his body is going to start shutting down."

I didn't like it, but I knew he was right. "Alright, we'll be there Monday afternoon." Dr. Sheldon and I said goodbye, then I hung up the phone and turned to Ponyboy.

"What is it, Dare?" He knew something was up; there was no point in trying to sugar coat the news or put off telling him.

"Soda lost too much weight last week. He needs to stay a few nights in the hospital till he gets used to that new drug."

Pony's face fell, but he nodded. "I guess it's not that surprising," he reasoned. He was quiet for a minute, then looked up hopefully. "Can we stay with him? Overnight, I mean? I heard they can set up a cot and we can take turns on it. Soda would like that," he added quietly, looking down at his feet.

I went over to sit next to him and put an arm around his shoulders. "Sure, little buddy. They'll have to drag us out of there kicking and screaming to get rid of us, okay?" Pony laughed a little and nodded. I knew when Soda woke up later I'd have to tell him. That wasn't a conversation I was looking forward to.

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I left for the Johnson's just before nine Saturday morning. I really hadn't wanted to take the job, especially since the parents wouldn't be back till nine at night, but the "final notice" bill that had come in the mail had really scared me. The money I was making didn't come anywhere close to covering Soda's missing paycheck, but at least it was something.

As I was walking up the path to the house, I heard a crash from inside. Great. The monsters were already in full gear. I took a deep breath, trying to prepare myself for the worst, and rang the bell. A frazzled looking Mrs. Johnson opened the door and let me in. "Hi, Ponyboy. Thanks so much for coming today."

"It's no problem," I lied. This was the last place in the world I wanted to be.

"Dylan! Andrew! Ponyboy's here!" she yelled down the hall. She didn't wait to see if they would come. Instead she hurried around the room, gathering things together for the day. "They've already had breakfast and sandwiches should be okay for lunch. Here's some money for pizza for dinner," she said, handing me a couple of bills. "We should be back by nine at the latest," she continued, heading for the front door, now joined by Mr. Johnson. "Thanks again, Ponyboy." With that, they were out the door.

I cautiously went down the hall to the boys' room, saying a quick prayer that the day would be disaster free. There was dead silence in the house. I opened the bedroom door, stepped in, and was immediately tackled to the ground. "Got him!" Dylan crowed. "Tie him up!"

I struggled underneath Dylan. There was no way I was spending the day tied up while they did whatever they wanted. He was pretty strong for an eight year old, but he was no match for me. I threw him off and pinned him to the ground. "Listen up, kid," I growled, trying to sound intimidating. "You might not be afraid of me, but I got friends who would make you cry for mommy, so don't pull any of your crap today. Got it?" He swiftly kneed me in the stomach, squirmed out from under me, and took off down the hall, followed by his brother. I groaned; it was gonna be a long day.

Sure enough, I spend the next eleven hours chasing the two terrors through the house, trying to stop or clean up one disaster after another. By 8:00 they'd finished off the pizza I'd ordered (the part that wasn't smeared on the wall, anyway) and were sitting at the kitchen table. I'd done my best to keep them in my sight all day, but by now I really had to pee. I hoped that since they'd been fed, they'd be good for just two minutes. I hurried in the bathroom, and crossed my fingers as I went back to the kitchen. As I got closer I started to smell something strange. My stomach dropped when I realized it was smoke. I ran the last few steps to the kitchen and stared in horror at what I saw. One of the brats had put the napkins from the pizza on the stove and turned on the burners. There was no fire yet, but the napkins were smoking pretty good. I ran over, grabbed the napkins, and threw them in the sink. I turned the stove off, then turned on the cold water so I could run my now burned hand under it. "What the hell were you two thinking?" I screamed, turning to the two boys, who were still sitting at the kitchen table. "You could've set the whole house on fire!"

"What do you care? You're only here cause of your brother," Dylan taunted.

"Yeah, I heard he's gonna die," Andrew chimed in.

I truly wanted to kill these kids now. I lunged for Dylan, but he ducked out of the way and ran off down the hall, Andrew right behind him. I followed them, but before I could reach them they'd run into their bedroom and locked the door. I hammered on the door, but of course they didn't open it. After a few more minutes of fruitless banging, I gave up and trudged back to the kitchen. Their parents would be home soon and they could deal with getting their devil kids to open their door.

For the next half hour I worked on cleaning up the living room and kitchen, trying my best to focus on what I was doing and avoid thinking about what Andrew had said. When Mr. and Mrs. Johnson got home, I gratefully took my money, told them about their boys almost starting a fire and then locking themselves in their room, and beat it outta there was fast as I could. Once I was outside and walking towards home, there was nothing to distract me from my thoughts and I found myself dwelling on Andrew's comment. Was he right? Was Soda gonna die? I was always trying to convince myself that wasn't gonna happen, but really, how much chance did he have?

As I passed the empty lot, the tears started to come. I knew Darry was home and I didn't want him to see me cry again, and I sure as hell didn't want Soda to see it if he was awake. I made my way to the corner of the lot, sat down, and leaned against the fence. I put my head on my knees and just let myself sob like a little kid. Once the thoughts started coming, I couldn't make them stop. Was Soda gonna get sicker with this next round of chemo? The second round had been so much worse than the first. How long would he have to stay in the hospital for? What if the treatment stopped working? What if there was nothing the doctors could do in the end? I couldn't imagine a world without Sodapop in it. He was always laughing and smiling and now that Johnny was gone, Soda was the only person left who really listened to my problems. Darry and I were getting along better and I know he loves me, but he just can't listen the way Soda does, even when he tries.

When I realized that time was passing as I sat there and Darry would start to wonder where I was, I forced myself to calm down. When the tears had stopped, I rubbed my hands across my eyes and cheeks, trying to get rid of the evidence of my breakdown. I slowly started for home. When I got there, I said a quick hello to Darry, who was in the shower, then washed up, changed, and crawled into bed. It was early, but I was exhausted after the day I'd had.

Soda stirred when he felt me moving around next to him. "Hey, Pone," he murmured sleepily. "How was your day?"

"Fine," I replied. I didn't want him to feel guilty about how awful it was. Thankfully, he was too out of it to think about my response.

"Mmm. That's good." He rolled over and threw an arm over me, then was out again like a light. Lying in the dark with Soda asleep, there was nothing to stop my thoughts from coming back to me. Yesterday, Darry had told Soda about the impending hospital stay. Soda had tried to protest, claiming he wouldn't be so sick this time, but Darry didn't budge. It was doctor's orders, after all, and Darry and I both knew it was for the best, even if we didn't like it. Soda had finally given up when he realized he didn't have a choice and had spent the rest of the day in silence. He wasn't sulking or anything; he was scared, just like we were. I could feel my thoughts beginning to overwhelm me again, so I tried to push them away and focus on the present, on the feel of Soda's arm around me and the sound of his soft breathing. I concentrated on making my breaths match his and slowly felt myself fall asleep.

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Please take a minute and let me know what you thought. :)


	18. Chapter 18

We arrived at the hospital at 5:20 Monday evening. I wanted to run away, to push Darry out of the driver's seat and hit the gas pedal as hard as I could. I wanted to be anywhere but there, but I didn't say a word. I didn't want to be the whiny little kid who won't stop complaining. I wasn't looking forward to being stuck in the hospital overnight, or to the IVs, but as we made our way through the corridors to the oncology wing I did my best to stay positive. I tried to tell myself that I'd probably feel better, being hooked up to IVs. They'd give me fluids so I wouldn't have to eat anymore, and maybe I'd stop feeling like I was going to throw up all the time.

When we got to the nurse's station they showed us to my room and I climbed out of the wheelchair and onto the bed. I was actually feeling better than I had the whole week, but I was still tired and didn't feel up to walking. I'm not sure that Darry would've let walk me if I'd tried, anyway. There was an extra cot in the room; Darry had called the hospital and asked about him and Ponyboy staying overnight. The extra bed almost made it feel like I was staying in a hotel or something and I tried convincing myself that was true.

"Hello, Soda," Dr. Sheldon said, coming into the room.

"Hey, doc," I returned, trying to smile.

Dr. Sheldon talked to us as he got things ready. "Everything's all set up for you to stay here overnight," he said to Darry and Pony. "But I don't want more than two people here outside of visiting hours. Soda needs to rest. If you need to switch over sleeping shifts or something, I understand, but don't loiter." Darry nodded and I swallowed, the hotel illusion crashing down. Dr. Sheldon started hooking up the IV so he could put it in me. I tensed up at the sight. I'd talked myself into staying calm, but I couldn't make my body relax.

Dr. Sheldon took my left hand and looked at me, checking to see if I was ready. I hadn't exactly given him the best impression last time he'd tried this. I nodded and he poked the needle in. I couldn't watch, so I looked at the wall instead. "It's time for the chemo, now," he told me gently. I didn't have to be told what to do anymore. I turned over on my side and lifted my shirt up. As always, I took the hands Darry and Pony offered me and as always, I held on tight when the pain came.

When he was done, Dr. Sheldon left the room and I lay on the bed, not moving. Somehow, I had the idea in my head that if I didn't move, the symptoms wouldn't start. It made no sense, but once the idea was there, I couldn't help but try it out. The sad thing was, I was disappointed when it didn't work. When I started shivering, Darry got the blankets the hospital had supplied and the ones we'd brought from home and put them over me. The pain in my bones didn't take long to start; that was followed by the nausea and finally by the headache. I clawed at the bed sheets, trying to relieve the pain. Darry was quick to give me my meds, but they always took a couple of minutes to work.

After a few hours I thought I had things under control when something new happened. I was getting sore from lying on my side so much; I shifted myself around so I was on my back. It was one of the times when I wasn't cold and it was easier to move without ten tons of blankets on top of me. When I'd repositioned myself, I started to realize that something wasn't right. My chest felt tight and it was getting tighter. It was starting to get hard to breathe and I gasped, trying to take in a deep breath. This alerted Darry and Pony, who'd both been starting to look tired. "What's wrong, Soda?" Darry asked, confusion and worry in his eyes.

I didn't answer him; I just gasped for another breath. I couldn't get enough air in and I was starting to panic. I saw Darry punch the call button a few times, then he ran out of the room when no one came right away. Pony moved so he was right next to me and took hold of my hand. "It's okay, Soda. Dr. Sheldon told us this might happen." Well, no one thought to tell me! I felt like it was getting even more difficult to take a breath and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get enough air. I met Pony's eyes, terrified. I could see his own fear barely restrained, but he kept calm, and I latched onto that feeling, trying to steal some of it for myself.

Darry came running back into the room with Dr. Sheldon and a nurse right behind him. "I need you to stay calm, Soda," Dr. Sheldon said, starting to examine me. I knew he was right, but it wasn't easy to do when I felt like I was being strangled to death. I felt something being shoved onto my face and I realized they'd brought an oxygen machine with them. I sucked at the air, breathing it in greedily. My chest still hurt, but I started to relax, relieved to find breathing easier. Dr. Sheldon kept examining me, taking my blood pressure and lifting up my shirt to use his stethoscope.

"Is he okay?" Darry asked. I looked over at him and found him watching me anxiously. I moved mine and Pony's hands a bit, reaching out for Darry. He wrapped his hand over ours, holding them tight. I wanted to tell him I was okay now, but I couldn't talk with the oxygen mask on and I was afraid to take it off.

"He should be fine," Dr. Sheldon answered. "I want to take him for some tests, just to make sure there aren't any serious problems we need to be aware of. It's likely muscle fatigue, caused by the leukemia, but breathing difficulties are sometimes a sign of heart problems." I looked over at him sharply. "Relax, Soda," he said. "I don't think it's your heart. I'm just doing the tests to be sure." I nodded, but I didn't feel much better. His words were starting to sink in and I realized that even if it wasn't my heart, muscle fatigue didn't sound much better. What would happen if my muscles stopped working completely?

"Do you think you can breathe without the oxygen mask now?" Dr. Sheldon asked. My chest had started to relax, so I nodded. He took the mask off and I took a few experimental breaths. It felt like I'd been running on a hot, sticky summer day, but it wasn't as difficult to breathe as before. "I need to take you downstairs for the tests now, alright Soda? You'll be back in a couple hours," he added, seeing me glance towards Darry and Pony. I wanted them with me, but I was sure that wasn't allowed. I gave their hands a squeeze, then let go. The nurse had left to get a wheelchair; when she came back, Darry helped me into it and I let myself be wheeled out of the room, leaving my brothers behind.

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I sat in the uncomfortable hospital chair, sipping coffee to stay awake. It was getting close to midnight and Soda had been gone for a little over two hours. Pony had gone to sleep on the cot a while ago, but only after he'd made me promise to wake him up when Soda returned. I was glad he was resting, but it was unsettling to be alone with my thoughts and nothing to do. My mind kept replaying the image of Soda lying on the bed, scared, struggling to breathe. My older brother instincts were operating on overdrive. I'd already tried reading, writing, doodling—just about anything I could think of to take my mind off of things, but nothing worked. Just when I thought I was gonna go crazy if something didn't distract me soon, Soda came back into the room with Dr. Sheldon. Soda's body temperature was fluctuating again and he was shivering. Dr. Sheldon was closer to him and helped him onto the bed. As soon as he was settled, I covered him up with blankets.

I shook Ponyboy awake, who realized what was going on and sat up quickly, then I turned to Dr. Sheldon expectantly. "Soda's heart seems to be fine. As far as we can tell, the problem is the muscles of his lungs. With everything his body had gone through, they're starting to weaken."

"Will he need oxygen each time this happens?" Pony asked. I knew he was thinking about Soda having to stay in the hospital.

"We'll have to wait and see. I've already explained this to Soda," he said, nodding towards Soda who was curled up trying to keep warm. "The next time he has trouble breathing, we'll have the oxygen ready, but we won't use it unless we have to. He'll need to do his best to stay calm and breathe as normally as possible. Now that he's prepared for it, he should find it easier to stay calm." I felt guilt gnaw at me. I knew this might happen; I should've told Soda about it so he wouldn't have been caught so off guard.

While we were talking, Soda had stopped shivering and had tossed the blankets off. His eyes were closed, but he opened them when I touched his cheek with the back of my hand. His skin was burning and I pulled my hand back quickly. When I met his eyes, he was only half focusing on me. Usually a nurse took his temperature, but since Dr. Sheldon was here anyway, he did it. His face darkened when he read the thermometer.

"What is it?" I asked nervously.

"104.1," he answered. I heard a gasp from beside me and looked over to see Pony staring horrified at our brother. Even if Soda was healthy, that high of a temperature would be cause for concern. "I'll start him on medications to reduce the fever," Dr. Sheldon said, making notes on Soda's chart, "and I'll put him on antibiotics again just in case. Also, I'll have the nurse bring you some cool cloths—" he stopped short at the sound of Soda getting sick.

I hadn't heard him move and when I looked over to him I saw he'd thrown up on his bed. It wasn't much, just a bit of liquid, but he was visibly upset about it. He looked up at me with tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I—I didn't mean to."

I reached over and rubbed his shoulder. "It's okay, Soda. We'll get this fixed, don't worry." He nodded, but a few tears slipped down his cheeks.

"I'll get someone in to change the sheets, too," Dr. Sheldon said gently, leaving the room. He was only gone a couple of minutes before coming back with an IV and a nurse, who was carrying new sheets. Dr. Sheldon hooked up the new IV and then I carefully picked Soda up so the nurse could fix his bed. Pony watched everything, worry etched on his face. I cradled Soda in my arms, feeling once again how light he was. He started to shiver and my stomach dropped; his fever was going to spike again.

"I'm cold, Darry," he mumbled.

"I know, Pepsi-Cola. You'll be warm soon." Too warm, I added to myself.

Dr. Sheldon had been making more notes before he left the room and came over to me. "We'll check his temperature every half hour. Page someone when his chills stop, or if he loses consciousness. Keep the blankets off him—he might feel cold, but his temperature is dangerously high." I nodded, agreeing with him. I'd rather see Soda cold than risk making his fever worse than it would already be.

Dr. Sheldon left the room and when the nurse had finished I gently lay Soda back on the bed. She had left damp cloths and I put one on Soda's forehead. He flinched and moved his head to the side, trying to throw it off. "I'm cold, Dare, not hot." His voice was slurred and I'm not sure if he completely knew what was going on.

Pony sat on the edge of the bed and took another cloth, placing it on Soda's neck. We both tried to ignore our brother's weak protests, but it wasn't easy. He kept trying to push the cloths off and we had to hold his hands down to stop him. Finally he stopped shivering and lay completely still. I panicked, thinking that he'd passed out, and I wasn't sure what that would mean. "Soda?" I shook him, trying to be gentle. He opened his eyes and looked at me groggily. I sighed in relief and I heard Pony do the same beside me. I pressed the call button and waited impatiently. A nurse had come in to take his temperature once and it had been the same as before, but I was sure it had gone up now.

The same nurse came and a minute later, I was proved right. "105.3" she told us. Oh God. What if it got any higher? She adjusted the speed of one of Soda's IVs, wrote on his chart, and left the room. Pony and I silently kept moving the cool cloths around Soda's skin, occasionally remoistening them in the bathroom. He kept still, only moving his head sometimes and groaning a little. His skin burned when I touched it.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

"_C'mon, Pony!" Soda called from somewhere above me. I looked down at the ground. I was already pretty far up the tree, but Soda was way higher than me. I looked up, trying to see him, but all I saw was leaves and branches._

"_Don't bother, Soda. He ain't gonna come up this far." Steve's voice floated down to me and I glowered up in its direction. He hadn't wanted me coming along to the park to start with, but Soda had insisted. He was starting junior high in a couple weeks and I was scared I'd hardly see him anymore. So, I followed him and Steve to the park and when they'd wanted to climb the biggest tree there, I'd gone up after them. Now I was halfway up, afraid to go any further. I couldn't stand Steve's taunting though, and summoning my courage, I reached up and grabbed the next branch._

_Pulling myself up one branch at a time, I slowly heard Soda's and Steve's voices grow closer. I could see one of their shoes when I felt the branch I was standing on snap beneath me. I reached out, trying to grab anything I could and just felt my fingertips brush the branch above me, then I was falling. The ground flew towards me and I screamed, terrified. "Pony!" I heard Soda call. I landed on my left arm and a loud CRACK resonated in my ears, followed by agonizing pain._

_For a minute, all I could focus on was the pain and I felt tears welling in my eyes. I blinked, trying to will them away. I heard noise above me and I looked up to see Soda jump down from one of the bottom branches, followed by Steve. "You okay, Pone?" Soda asked with concern, kneeling next to me. I met his worried eyes and felt the tears in my own eyes spill over. He turned to his best friend. "Steve, can you go get my dad?" Steve ran off and Soda turned back to me. "Can you sit up, Pony?" I didn't think I could, but I nodded anyway. I didn't want Soda to think I wasn't tough. He put an arm under me to help me up, but as soon as he touched my left arm, fresh pain shot up it and I cried out. "I think your arm is broken, Ponyboy," Soda said quietly._

"_It hurts, Soda," I sobbed, more tears running down my cheeks despite my efforts to stop them. I wanted to look tough, but I couldn't do it._

"_I know, Pone," he soothed softly. "Dad'll be here in a few minutes and we'll get you to the hospital. They'll fix ya up." He paused and gently wiped some of the tears off my face. "I'm sorry I made you climb the tree, Pony," he whispered, looking down._

"_You didn't make me. I wanted to," I insisted._

"_No, you didn't. I could see it in your face when we started. I knew you didn't want to, and I knew you'd follow me, but I went up anyway. It's my fault you fell." He sounded so sad and I hated it when Soda was upset._

"_It's not your fault," I told him. "Please don't be sad, Soda." He met my eyes again and nodded, smiling a little._

"_Okay, Pony. Thanks," he added. My arm still hurt and I wanted Dad to hurry up. Soda held my good hand and talked to me while we waited. He started telling me a funny story about Two-Bit bugging a dog so much he got chased down the street, and by the time Steve got back with Dad I was even laughing a little._

As I sat on Soda's hospital bed trying to bring down his temperature, I thought about that day in the park. Sods had come with me and Dad to the hospital and had even tried to come in the X-ray room with me, but the doctors had kicked him out. On our way home, he'd insisted on buying me ice cream with his own money. He'd begged Dad to stop at the Dairy Queen and had refused all of Dad's offers to pay.

I wished I could buy Soda ice cream to make him feel better now. Whenever I touched his bare skin it felt like it was on fire. Sometimes he opened his eyes and looked at us, but they were hazy and unfocused. The worst was when he tried to push the cloths off. His body was telling him he was cold and he was too out of it to understand that he was actually burning up. When we held down his hands to stop him, he would whimper a little and struggle. "C'mon, Soda, you can do this," Darry whispered from the chair beside me. I could tell he was just as worried as I was. If Soda's fever spiked again it could kill him.

For over an hour we moved the cool cloths around Soda's body, hoping they would do some good. The nurse came in twice to take his temperature and each time we were thankful to find it hadn't gotten any higher. I was thinking about the day Soda had lost Mickey when Darry spoke up. "I think his fever's breaking." I looked at Soda and saw a sheen of sweat covering his face. I touched his cheek; it was still warm, but it wasn't burning anymore. I glanced at Darry and saw my relief mirrored in his eyes. Soda had made it through the night. Now he just had to keep it up.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Please review and let me know what you thought! :)


	19. Chapter 19

Thanks for the great reviews! Here's a nice long chapter for you.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

I woke up slowly, my exhausted body not ready to get up yet. It was Friday, so I'd worked a double shift the day before, then spent the night at the hospital again, only stopping at home long enough to have a quick shower and make some sandwiches. It was too expensive for me and Pony to keep eating in the cafeteria. Soda's nights had gotten progressively better during the week and the night before he hadn't had a fever at all. He still had his regular chemo symptoms, but nothing as scary as Monday. That night, he'd been so sick I'd really thought he might die.

Gradually, I realized it had been voices talking near me that had woke me up. Pony had insisted I sleep on the cot for the night since I had to work and I'd been tired enough to give in to him. I opened my eyes and climbed off the bed; I saw Dr. Sheldon talking quietly to Soda and Pony and I went over to join them. I squeezed Pony's shoulder and smiled at him, then greeted Soda. "Hey, little buddy. How're ya feeling this morning?"

"Not too bad," he replied, giving me a small smile. He looked pretty good actually, or at least compared to the rest of the week. His face was always pale and drawn, but this morning there was a bit of spark in his eyes.

I turned to Dr. Sheldon. "So, what's the news? Can we take him home today?" I saw Soda look anxiously at the doctor, hoping for good news.

"He's definitely improved during the week," Dr. Sheldon started, "and his body seems to have adjusted to the drugs. However, after the difficult night on Monday I would recommend one more night in the hospital." Soda looked crestfallen at this news. "It would just be a precaution though," Dr. Sheldon continued, noticing Soda's face, too. "It's not strictly necessary. I'll leave the decision up to you," he said, facing me.

Soda looked at me with pleading eyes. "I wanna go home, Darry," he said softly. I wanted more than anything to take him home, but Monday had really scared me and I had wondered a few times what would have happened if we hadn't been in the hospital. But then I remembered that Soda's symptoms had been less severe each night since then. Plus, we weren't too far from the hospital if he spiked a fever again. I looked to Pony, who shrugged back at me. He looked as unsure as I was. We both wanted Soda home, but neither of us wanted to jeopardize his health. Soda spoke up again. "Please Darry?" he begged. "Please can I go home?"

Soda looked so desperate that I couldn't say no to him. We would just have to watch him closely and hope nothing went wrong. "Alright, Pepsi. We'll go home."

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

"Hey, buddy," I said, poking my head into my best friend's room and finding him awake. Darry was working, so I'd picked Soda and Pony up from the hospital earlier in the evening. Soda had stayed in the hospital for the day so he wouldn't have to make an extra trip back for his chemo treatment. It had been a pretty low key night and he'd mostly just slept. "Glad to be home?" I asked him, taking a seat in the chair.

"Yeah, it's great," he said, smiling. "It's so much more comfortable than the hospital. It's never really quiet there." He stretched and looked at the clock beside his bed. "Darry should be home soon."

I glanced at the clock and saw he was right; it was almost nine. Two-Bit wandered in and plopped himself on the end of the bed. He was helping out for the night since Ponyboy was babysitting again. "Heya, Sodapop. I see you finally decided to wake up!"

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't wanna miss seeing you," Soda joked.

"I was getting bored with just Steve, here. He ain't got much of a sense of adventure when it comes to cooking." Two-Bit grinned idiotically at this and I rolled my eyes. At least Soda wouldn't be bored.

"Just cause I think jellybean pie sounds disgusting don't mean I'm a bore. I just have more sense than you do."

"Jellybean pie?" Soda asked, glancing nervously at Two-Bit. "You didn't actually make it, did you?"

"No," he answered, giving me a mock glare. "Stevie here wouldn't let me. He said the smell of it might make you feel sick."

"Two-Bit, I think the smell of jellybean pie would make _anyone_ feel sick," Soda laughed.

Two-Bit pretended to look hurt, then brightened. "What about JELLO pie?"

I sighed and shook my head. I honestly wasn't sure if he was serious or not. "Do ya need anything?" I asked Soda, trying to steer the conversation away from cooking.

He nodded. "Yeah, some entertainment. Can you guys help me to the living room?" He turned to Two-Bit with a devilish grin. "I think there's some JELLO mix in the cupboard." Two-Bit smiled and rubbed his hands together eagerly. I groaned, but put an arm around Soda to help him up anyway. I figured Darry would be home any minute and could put a stop to anything too disgusting.

We got down the hall and were a few steps from the couch when Soda's grip on me tightened. He gasped and I realized he was having trouble breathing again. I hadn't seen it happen yet, but I'd heard about it. "Steve," he gasped out, collapsing onto the couch when we reached it. I sat down next to him and Two-Bit sat on Soda's other side, all signs of joking gone.

"It's okay, Soda," I reassured him, trying to keep my cool. Darry had said it was important to keep Soda calm when this happened. "Just take one breath at a time, Soda, okay? Focus on me," I directed him. He met my eyes and I could see the fear in them. He was still gasping for breath and his body was shuddering with spasms as his lungs struggled to work. "Just one breath at a time," I repeated, squeezing his hand and not taking my eyes off his.

"It'll be fine, Soda," Two-Bit joined in.

"It's…It's worse…" Soda squeezed his eyes closed and held tight to my hand. I felt my own barely restrained panic brimming over. I tried to remember everything I'd learned about CPR and prayed I was overreacting.

"Hey, open your eyes, Soda," I ordered. I needed to keep him with me if I was gonna keep him calm. He obeyed and locked eyes with me. "Good. Now just concentrate, Sodapop," I encouraged. "One breath at a time. We'll get you through this, okay?" Soda gave me a small nod and continued to take in one shuddering breath after another. Gradually, his breathing became less labored and I started to relax.

Now that the worst had passed, he closed his eyes again and I saw a single tear fall down his face. "Hey, Soda," Two-Bit spoke up. Soda opened his eyes and looked over at him. The anxiety was less now, but it was still there. "Still want me to make the JELLO pie?" I gaped at Two-Bit. I couldn't believe he was still thinking about that stupid pie after what'd happened. Then I saw Soda smile a little and nod and I realized the pie was a distraction. My anger vanished as Two-Bit grinned and moved over to the kitchen to search for what he needed.

As I helped Soda lie down on the couch so he could see what Two-Bit was doing, the front door opened and Darry came in. He saw what was going on in the kitchen and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Don't ask," I advised, rolling my eyes. He nodded, to used to Two-Bit's antics to argue. Soda was distracted and I used the opportunity to motion Darry down the hall. He followed me into his room and I closed the door behind him.

"What's going on, Steve?"

"Just before you got home Soda had a real hard time breathing," I started. Darry sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"How bad was it?" he asked.

I sighed, remembering the past few minutes. "It was bad." I decided not to give any details unless he asked for them.

Darry nodded. "Thanks, Steve, for letting me know. How was the rest of the night?"

"It was fine. He pretty much slept the whole time."

"Good. And Two-Bit…?"

I grinned and shook my head. "You really wanna know?"

Darry laughed a little. "Better to know before he sets the house on fire."

"He's making JELLO pie," I told him and laughed as I saw his face fill with disgust. "Yeah, I know," I agreed. "But it's amusing Sodapop, so it ain't all bad." I left Darry shaking his head and headed back to see what disaster Two-Bit was creating.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

I slept most of my second week of treatment. No matter how much I slept, I was tired all the time. I was still throwing up most of what I ate and I was losing more weight. The gang waited on me hand and foot and pretty much carried me wherever I needed or wanted to go. I don't know what I would've done without them. If I tried to even walk across the room my lungs started struggling for air. I was getting more used to these episodes, but they were still scary as hell. I was terrified every time that I would stop breathing altogether. I knew the guys wondered the same thing, but none of us talked about it.

It was Wednesday on my week off and I was sitting in Dr. Sheldon's office with Darry and Ponyboy, waiting for him. He'd called us in to talk about the results from my last set of tests. He'd always just phoned us and I was starting to go out of my mind wondering why he wanted to talk to us in person this time.

When Dr. Sheldon came into the office, he shook each of our hands and took a seat. "Just tell us, doc," I said bluntly. I couldn't take the waiting anymore.

He nodded and sat forward in his chair, folding his hands on his desk. My heart started beating faster, trying to guess what was coming. "Soda, your test results are showing an improvement, but not as much as I need to see at this point. The treatment is working, but the toll it's taking on your body is extreme. I'm not sure your body will be able to handle the entire course the treatment would need to run in order to completely remove the cancer."

I felt like I'd just been sucker punched. Was he saying that this was it? Was he giving up on me?

"There's one option we can try," he continued, "but it's very experimental. It's called a bone marrow transplant. We would give you radiation treatment to destroy your own bone marrow, then give you bone marrow from another person."

That sounded scary, but I listened as he kept explaining. Any option was better than none.

"You all need to understand that this course of treatment has some very serious risks and roadblocks. First, we would need to find someone who's own bone marrow is compatible with your body, Soda. A sibling offers the best chance, so we may have some luck there. If we can't find a match, we won't be able to proceed. Second, as I already said, this is highly experimental. There have only been a few successful cases so far." I nodded to show I understood, but my mind was reeling. "If you decide to take this route and we're able to find a match, we'll admit you to the hospital and give you radiation therapy for a week to kill your bone marrow. The treatment is painless and the side effects are almost the same as that of chemotherapy. However, it will make you very vulnerable to infections because your immune system will be virtually destroyed." Oh, glory. This was just getting better and better.

"After your radiation treatment, we'll inject the donor marrow into your system. Then it'll be a waiting game to see if your body accepts the new marrow. You'd have to stay in isolation to decrease the risk of infection." My gaze shot to my brothers, horrified at the thought of being cut off from them, especially while I was waiting to see if I'd live or die. They didn't look any happier than I did. Dr. Sheldon saw the looks we exchanged and was quick to reassure us. "It wouldn't be total isolation. You'd be able to have a few visitors—your brothers and Steve and Two-Bit—but no one else. The fewer people you come into contact with, the less chance there is of infection."

He paused while everything he'd said sank in. "These are only the basics," he spoke again after a minute. "If you're interested in this option, I'll explain the details further." He looked at us very seriously. "I want you to consider this very carefully. It's possible, Soda, that your body will be able to withstand enough further rounds of chemotherapy to make you better, but there is a very good chance it will begin to shut down before that happens. This treatment may be your best option for survival, but it's also very risky. Think things over carefully, but the sooner you make a decision the better." Survival. The word rang in my head, echoing over and over till I couldn't hear anything else. Glory. This could be my best chance for survival? He was pretty much telling me I was gonna die.

"….up to you. Soda?" Words started breaking through the ringing in my head, but they didn't mean much to me till Darry shook my shoulder and I realized he was talking to me. "Soda? Did you hear what I just said?" I looked over to find Darry and Ponyboy both watching me with concern and I shook my head. Darry sighed and repeated what he'd apparently already told me. "I know it's a lot for you to take in, Soda, but this has got to be your decision. You know better than the rest of us what you can and can't handle. We're here for you, but in the end, it's gotta be up to you. Okay?" I nodded mutely, still numb with shock. For weeks now I'd been holding on to the knowledge that the chemo was working, that it was fighting the cancer. I knew it was making me sick, but I hadn't realized just how much of a toll it really was taking on my body, or maybe I'd just been in denial. Now I was being told that the price my body was paying might be too high.

Dimly, I realized that Darry's arm was around me, helping me out of the truck and into our house. When had we left the hospital? It didn't matter, anyway. Nothing seemed to matter right then. I just kept hearing Dr. Sheldon's words over and over in my head. _This treatment may be your best option for survival._ I was alone in my room, lying on my side; I didn't even remember getting there. I knew Darry had to go to work and Pony would be leaving sometime soon, too. I was sure they'd get Two-Bit or Steve over to watch me, but right then I was happy to just be alone. The word "survival" was still echoing in my head, like some horrific buzzing insect, and I finally couldn't take it anymore. I let out a sob, and once the first one came, I couldn't stop the ones that followed.

I grabbed a pillow and buried my face in it, trying to muffle the sound, but I was too late. I heard the door open and felt Pony lie down on the bed behind me. He wrapped an arm around me and I grabbed his hand, holding onto it for dear life. I don't know how long I cried for, but Pony stayed with me the whole time.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Hours later, I was still lying on my bed, alone now, staring at the painting of Mickey and trying to figure out what to do. Both my options sounded pretty lousy and neither sounded very hopeful. I wanted so desperately to go back to the days when I still had Mickey, when Mom and Dad were still alive and I wasn't sick and everything was so much easier. I lay thinking for a long time until I realized how raw my throat was. I turned over and reached for the glass of water I kept on my nightstand. When I'd had a drink, I collapsed back onto the bed, exhausted from the effort of sitting up. That's when I knew what my decision had to be. If I could barely sit up long enough to get a drink of water now, what would I feel like after another round of chemo? And that session might not be enough to kill all the cancer. Dr. Sheldon was right; there was no way my body could handle it.

I fell asleep for a while and when I woke up I was thirsty again. I'd already drained my water glass so I decided to go to the kitchen for more. Before Pony had left to go babysit I'd heard him and Steve talking. I was pretty sure Steve was still in the living room and I knew I could call him, but I was tired of feeling so helpless all the time. I knew it was a bad decision to try and make it through the house on my own, but I didn't care. I needed to be able to do something on my own.

I slowly stood up, grabbed my water glass, and headed out of my room. Halfway down the hall, I started to feel light headed and my vision swam. I sat down on the floor and leaned against the wall, hoping it would go away before anyone noticed. No such luck. "Soda?" I heard Steve's voice through the fog. "What're you doing up? And why are you on the floor?"

"I'm gettin' more water," I answered. I was starting to feel more normal, or at least what passed for normal these days.

"Why didn't you call me?" he asked, annoyed.

"Cause I wanted to actually do something on my own for once, Steve," I snapped, eyes still closed. I was sick of people doing everything for me all the time. I appreciated it, but I was sick of it. When he didn't say anything, I opened my eyes and saw him wearing a slightly hurt expression. I started to feel guilty; I wouldn't have made it this far without the gang's support. "Sorry, Steve," I sighed. "I just…." I trailed off, but he got what I was trying to say.

"I know, Soda." I was relieved to see the hurt on his face disappear. "C'mon, let's get ya up."

I nodded. I was frustrated that I'd ended up needing help to finish the trip, but I knew I didn't have a choice. I put an arm around Steve's shoulders and he helped me up, taking the water glass from me at the same time. With Steve's help I took a few more steps down the hall, but before we'd reached the kitchen I felt my legs buckle and I collapsed onto the ground. I let out a frustrated groan, but I didn't argue when Steve picked me up and carried me to the couch.

As infuriating as the last few minutes had been, they'd reinforced my decision. Now it was time to start telling people. I'd heard most of my brother's conversation with Steve and knew Pony'd told him everything from this morning. When Steve brought me the water I'd been trying to get, I smiled at him in thanks, then took a deep breath. "Steve, I've gotta tell you something."

He sat on the edge of the couch and looked at me in concern, obviously not sure what he might be about to hear. "Soda, what's up?"

I paused, searching for the right words. When I couldn't think of an easy way to put it, I decided to just say it bluntly. "I'm gonna try the transplant."

Steve stared at me for a minute, processing what I'd just told him, then shook his head. "Soda, the doc said it was real risky. Are you sure you wanna try it?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," I nodded.

"But, what if it doesn't work? Don't you think you have a better chance with the chemo? At least the doctors know what they're doing with that."

I sighed. I knew this wasn't gonna be easy. "Steve, look at me," I said seriously. "I can't even walk down the hall on my own. I can barely sit up for more than a minute. I can't go through another round of chemo, if that's even enough to get all the cancer. I won't survive it." It was the first time I'd admitted this, even to myself, but I knew it was true. That word had repeated in my head countless times today, and I knew this transplant was my only real option.

Steve didn't look so sure, but my body decided to prove my point for me. I felt my chest tighten up and I started gasping, trying to get a deep breath. The familiar panic started setting in, but Steve was quick to take my hand and start talking me through this latest episode. The first time this had happened at home I'd honestly thought I was gonna stop breathing altogether. If Steve and Two-Bit hadn't been there to calm me down, I probably would've suffocated.

When I could breathe normally again, Steve was quiet for a long time. I wasn't in a hurry to start a conversation, so I waited till he was ready to talk. "I guess you're right," he admitted after a long silence.

I looked at him skeptically. I was positive now that this was the right decision and I was anxious to get some support on it. "Yeah?"

He nodded slowly, looking at his hands. Just then headlights flooded the room and we heard the sound of Darry's truck pulling into the driveway. "Look Soda, I gotta go," Steve said, quickly standing up. "I'll drop by to see ya tomorrow, kay?"

I barely had a chance to blink before he was out the door. Darry and Pony came in a minute later wearing identical confused expressions. "What's up with Steve?" Darry asked. "He just ran outta here like hell hounds were chasin' him or somethin'."

"Uh, guys, there's something I gotta tell you," I started nervously. I'd figured out by now that Steve obviously wasn't okay with my decision and I was afraid my brothers would have the same reaction, no matter what Darry had said earlier. They glanced quickly at each other, then came over to join me. Pony took a seat by my feet while Darry perched on the coffee table. They didn't say anything, already knowing what I wanted to talk about. I took a deep breath and tried to brace myself. "I don't want to do anymore chemo. I want to try the transplant." I saw Ponyboy nod, but his eyes were filled with tears and I reached out for his hand. "I'm not giving up, Pone," I reassured him. "I just know what I have to do."

"Alright, Soda," Darry said, no emotion showing on his face. "I said we'd support you, and we will. If this is what you want to do, I'll call the hospital in the morning and we'll start getting tested." I was glad he didn't mention the possibility that the tests might come back negative. If we couldn't find a match, I'd be back to chemo treatments and I didn't want to think about that. I would do them; I'd been honest when I'd told Pony I wasn't giving up, but I was scared what more chemo shots would do to me. I didn't remember much of last Monday, but Darry had told me I'd almost died that night and I was sure next time wouldn't be any better.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

"Another one, Buck," I ordered, slamming my empty beer bottle down on the bar.

"Last one, Randle," Buck said, handing me another Bud. I glared at him, but he was already helping someone else. I shrugged it off; if he cut me off here, I'd find somewhere else to get a drink. I'd heard there was a party at Tim's place tonight and figured he'd give me a couple beers. He still owed me for fixing up his car a while back.

I was downing the last of the bottle when I was suddenly knocked off the stool I'd been sitting on. I whirled around to see who the asshole was who'd slammed into me and found a medium sized guy leaning on the stool, trying to regain his balance. "Watch where you're fucking going," I snarled, moving towards him so I was inches from his face. He was a bit smaller than me, but not by much. By the looks of him he was middle class, but I didn't care much any which way. Greaser, Soc, or in between, this guy had pissed me off and was gonna pay for it.

"Hey, sorry man," he said, holding up his hands to show he didn't want a fight. Tough luck for him, cause he was gonna get one. "Let me buy ya a drink, okay?" he tried, turning towards the bar.

I grabbed his shoulder and spun him back around. "I don't want a drink." I punched him across the right cheek, earning a couple choice words from him and shouts from some of the people nearby. Angry now, he swung back. I ducked, tried to hit him with another right hook, and got slammed in the face with a second, more successful punch from him.

"Steve! Stop it, Steve!" I heard the shout from the crowd, but I ignored it. Next thing I knew, I was being pulled off the guy and held back.

"Not in here," Buck growled in my ear. The other guy was being held back, too, and I struggled to get out of Buck's grasp. Suddenly Evie was standing in my face, glaring daggers at me. I stopped trying to break free and Buck cautiously let go of me. "One more wrong move and you're outta here, Randle," Buck threatened before walking off.

The other guy had been dragged outta the bar by some bouncers and now I was left facing one very pissed off girlfriend. "What the hell were you thinking, Steve?" she shouted, hands on her hips.

I shrugged. "He shoulda been more careful," was all I said. I turned away from her and wandered towards the door, planning to head out in search of more beer. I wasn't in the mood to deal with Evie's hormones or whatever had her in such a bad mood.

"Don't walk away from me, Steve," she yelled, catching up and standing in front of me again. "You can't just go starting fights for no reason," she ranted, apparently intent on giving me a lecture.

"Yeah, why not?" I sneered, not really caring if my attitude made her madder.

"Cause you're acting like an ass, that's why!"

"So?" I asked, not seeing her point. "You don't have to stick around and watch." I tried moving around her but she stepped back into my path. Her dark eyes were burning with rage and something else I couldn't figure out.

"Steve, what's going on?" she asked, the fire in her eyes softening a bit.

"What's going on? You wanna know what's going on?" She nodded. "What's going on," I shouted, my anger suddenly growing again, "is that I've spent the last two months watching my best friend die!" I pushed past her, not letting her stop me this time. I stalked out to the parking lot and turned in the direction of Sheppard's house.

"Steve, wait!" Evie called from behind me and I groaned. I just wanted another fucking drink. I heard her high heels clicking on the ground as she ran to catch up again. She moved around in front of me and put both hands on my shoulders, gently bringing me to a stop. "Steve, did something happen to Soda, tonight?" Her eyes were filled with worry and I suddenly realized that after what I'd just said she probably thought Soda had died.

"It's not what you think, Evie," I sighed, calmer now. "He's home with Darry and Pony right now."

When I didn't continue, she gently prodded me on. "Then what is it? Why the explosion?"

I rubbed the back of my neck and took a deep breath. "He's not doing the next round of chemo. He's gonna try some bone transplant thing." I couldn't remember what the real name for it was and I didn't much care. Evie frowned, not sure what I was talking about. "I guess it's not that hard a procedure," I told her, understanding her confusion. Calling it a bone transplant didn't really create the best mental image for her. "But the doctor said it's real experimental and there haven't been that many successful cases."

Evie's eyes were warm now, all her anger gone now that she knew why I'd blown up. "He'll get through this, Steve. I know he will."

"Look, Evie," I sighed, taking her hands off my shoulders. "You don't really wanna be around me tonight. I just need to blow off some steam."

I started to walk away again but she moved one hand back to my shoulder. "Then blow it off with me," she offered.

"Not a good idea," I protested, shaking my head at her.

"Steve, I can handle it," she assured me, looking me straight in the eyes. They were dead serious.

"You sure?" I asked skeptically. "It's not gonna be nice, not tonight."

"I know. I can handle it, don't worry." I studied her face for a minute. I didn't want to ruin what we had, but she looked so inviting, her body and her eyes. "Steve, trust me," she whispered, bringing her lips to mine. That was the end of the discussion. We went back inside, quickly found Buck, and got a key for one of the rooms upstairs. We stumbled up the steps, lips locked the whole way. By the time I'd fumbled with the lock on the door, half our clothes were gone. I slammed the door closed and pushed Evie on the bed. I needed her right then more than I'd ever needed anything in my entire life, and she gave me everything I needed and more. When I'd finished and had collapsed on the bed, exhausted physically and mentally, she lay an arm across my chest and tangled her legs in mine, silently telling me she was there for me.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Please review! I'd love to know what you thought. I feel really guilty half the time I write this story…

I'll hopefully be able to update soon. *crosses fingers* I have my exams in a couple weeks and have a lot of novels to catch up on before that. Also, I'm having some problems with a plot bunny for another story. By problems, I mean that the bunny is a bit like the one from Monty Python, randomly and viciously attacking me. I'll do my best to post another chapter within the week!

As an interest note, the first successful bone marrow transplant was performed in 1958, if I remember right, using twins. A lot of sources cite the first transplant as 1969 or somewhere around that, and therefore after this story, but that was the first transplant using a _non_related donor.


	20. Chapter 20

I'm so sorry I haven't updated in forever. :( But, my exams are done and I have a month of no school and very little work.

To give credit where it's due—most of my research on bone marrow transplants came from youtube videos of Adrian Sudbury. He was a reporter and made video blogs of his experiences fighting cancer, which are very interesting and I suggest checking them out. Unfortunately, he didn't survive.

And no, that doesn't indicate Soda's fate one way or another.

Anyway, here's chapter 20…

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

I sat in the waiting room with Ponyboy, both of us impatiently watching the clock. Our appointment was for 8:15 but now it was 8:45. It amazed me that the hospital could be running behind this early in the morning. I'd gotten used to being ushered in and out quickly with Soda's appointments. The staff knew how sick he was and they always made sure he didn't have to wait for his treatment. Today it was just me and Pony so there wasn't any concern about keeping a schedule. At least, there wasn't for the hospital. I was hoping to get to work as soon as possible so I could get some extra hours in. Pony had been working a lot in the past few weeks and I wanted to argue against it, but the extra money he was bringing in was the only thing keeping more Final Notices from arriving in our mailbox. Soda had asked a few times about how we were doing for money and Pony and I had both flat out lied to him.

As I watched the minutes tick past I tried to remember that the hospital had squeezed us in at the last minute. I'd called the hospital early and been lucky enough to find Dr. Sheldon there already (I was really starting to wonder if the guy ever left). I'd told him about Soda's decision and he'd managed to get me and Pony in for a blood test right away. Pony had grumbled when I'd woken him up at 7:30, but he'd jumped out of bed once I'd told him why. We both knew that the sooner we got going with Soda's treatment, the better. I'd talked to Two-Bit last night and he'd agreed to get tested. He'd also promised to track down Steve, who I knew would agree, too. If Pony and I weren't a match for Soda, hopefully one of them would be.

Ponyboy's voice broke through my thoughts. "What if none of us are a match?"

I looked away from the clock and found Pony staring at me worriedly. "One of us will be," I assured him. The truth was, I didn't think any of us would be. We'd barely had an ounce of luck so far and as much as I wanted that to change now, I had my doubts. I wasn't gonna share that with my little brother, though.

"But what if we're not?" Pony asked again, not satisfied with my answer. "There's only four of us." His eyes were desperately searching mine for consolation.

"We will be, Pone," I stated as firmly as I could. "Dr. Sheldon said siblings had a good chance of matching and there's two of us, so that gives us even better odds. And if none of us are a match, then we'll go back to chemo." I was torn about Soda's decision. I know Ponyboy's the one who always gets bad feelings, but somehow I was dreading this new procedure. I had a sinking feeling that it wasn't a good idea. I tried to push the thoughts away, passing them off as worries about Dr. Sheldon's cautions that the whole thing was experimental. Besides, I didn't want to see Soda go through any more chemo. He was already so weak.

"Darrel and Ponyboy Curtis?" I looked up to find a young nurse with a clipboard standing in the waiting room. She couldn't have been any older than twenty-five.

"That's us," I said as Pony and I stood up.

We followed her down the hall to a small room with a couple chairs in it. "I'm so sorry about the delay," she said, sounding frazzled. "The phone's been ringing off the hook all morning."

"That's okay," I said, even though it wasn't. She seemed nervous enough without some strange guy yelling at her. "Why all the phone calls?" I asked out of mild curiosity. Thursday at eight in the morning seemed like a strange time for the hospital to get bombarded with needy people.

She gave me a surprised look as if I should know the answer already. "They're calling about your brother."

I glanced at Ponyboy who looked just as confused as I felt. The phone was ringing off the hook cause of us? "I'm sorry, did you say they're calling about Sodapop?" I figured I'd heard her wrong.

"Yeah, there's a bunch of people who want to come in and get tested. He must be a real popular guy." She smiled at us and started to get her equipment ready. She seemed completely oblivious to our confusion.

"Umm, how many people called?" I asked cautiously. Last time I checked it was just the four of us.

"I think it's up to fifteen or so right now," she answered absentmindedly. I gaped at her, not believing my ears. I checked Pony to see if I'd heard right and sure enough, he was staring in utter disbelief, too.

"Fifteen?" he croaked. We kept staring at each other, both thinking the same thing. How the hell did so many people even know about the blood testing, much less think to make an appointment? It hadn't even been twenty-four hours since we'd heard about the treatment and it was less than twelve hours since Soda had made up his mind.

The nurse finally noticed our stunned expressions and started to look worried. "I'm sorry," she faltered. "Did I say something wrong?"

I finally broke out of my stupor and shook my head. "No. We, um, we just didn't know…" I trailed off, still feeling a little dazed. "Are you sure they were all for us?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, I'm sure. It's kinda a hard name to mix up," she added, blushing a little. She had a point there. "Um, are you ready for me to start?" she asked uncertainly. Pony and I both nodded silently. She started explaining how she would just take a quick blood sample and we'd have the results within a week, but I was too busy trying to figure out how everyone knew about Soda. It was now common knowledge in our neighborhood that he was sick, but how had the news about the transplant spread so fast?

I was still mulling this over a half hour later when I pulled up to our house to drop Ponyboy off. However it'd happened, I decided to join Pony in telling Soda the good news. We all knew that with more people being tested our chances of finding a match went way up. It turned out that Soda already knew.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

"Two-Bit?"

I looked up from my magazine to find Soda staring back at me from his bed. "I thought you were asleep."

He shook his head a little. "Two-Bit, what if none of you are matches?"

"Hey, don't think like that," I protested. "One of us will match up."

"You don't know that," he said softly.

"Sure I do." He raised an eyebrow at me and I laughed. "Trust me, Sodapop. Have I ever been wrong before?" He opened his mouth to retort and I cut him off. "Don't answer that," I said quickly, earning a small chuckle from him. "Seriously though, Sodapop. We'll find you a donor. If it ain't one of us, it'll be someone else."

"Yeah, and just who would that someone else be?" He asked skeptically.

"Hey, I'm a very influential guy 'round these parts." I leaned back and put my hands behind my head.

"Really? You're influential? With who, blondes?"

"Hey!" I cried in mock hurt. "You just remember who to thank when you're gettin' that transplant, buddy." He gave a small snort and rolled his eyes. "Hey, I've got my ways", I said mischievously. I realized my mistake as soon as the words were out of my mouth.

"What's up, Two-Bit?" he asked, frowning slightly in suspicion. "Do you know somethin' I don't?"

"Can't a man have any secrets? Now, do you need anything? Water, breakfast?" I was hoping to distract him, but it didn't work.

"Yeah." Soda leaned up on his elbow and glared at me. "I want you to tell me what you're hiding."

I sighed, knowing I wasn't going to be able to keep avoiding the question. "I was gonna wait till Darry and Ponyboy got back to tell you…" I trailed off to see if he wanted to wait.

"No, tell me now," he insisted.

"Well, Darry told me the news last night and I was going out anyway, so I talked to a few people."

"Talked to them about what?" Soda pressed, sounding anxious now.

"About getting tested for you. I told them it's just a blood test and a lot of people agreed to give it a shot."

Soda was looking real excited now and he leaned forward a bit. "How many?"

I started counting off on my fingers. "Well, there was Tim, and he said Curly and Ang would do it, too. Then I ran into a couple guys from the DX. There's Kathy and my mom. And I saw Steve having a smoke just before Bucks closed and he said he'd get Evie to do it, too."

"Shit, Two-Bit! That's eight more people right there! How'd you do that all in one night?" Soda was staring at me like I'd just bought him a pony.

"I told ya, I'm an influential guy," I said casually.

Soda collapsed back onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. "With that many people someone's bound to work, right?" he asked, a huge smile on his face.

"I hope so or I'm gonna have to start going over to Soc territory."

Soda laughed and grinned at me. "Thanks, Two-Bit. I guess I'll have to give ya some credit after all."

Just then we heard the front door open and we both looked up as Darry and Ponyboy came in the room a minute later. "Good, you're up, Soda." Darry had a seat on the edge of the bed and Pony plopped down on the other side. "Listen, we've got some good news," Darry said, grinning.

"Fifteen people already made appointments to get blood samples," Pony beamed.

"I know. Two-Bit told me." Soda was still grinning about the news.

"Two-Bit?" Darry looked at me, confused.

"Yeah, he talked to a bunch of people last night," Soda explained. I smiled proudly, glad to have been able to help. I just hoped it would pay off.

"So you're the reason the news spread so fast?" Darry asked.

"I figured it couldn't hurt," I shrugged.

Darry just chuckled and shook his head. "No, it can't hurt." He paused for a few seconds, then took Soda's hand. "I've gotta get to work, little buddy. I'll see you later tonight." Soda nodded and Darry got up to leave. He stopped at the door and turned to me. "Thanks, Two-Bit," he said, then he was gone.

"You seriously got all those people to get tested?" Ponyboy asked. He was staring at me in disbelief.

"Yup, sure did. No one can resist my charm."

Pony snorted and I grabbed a dirty shirt from the floor and whipped it at him. "Hey!" he complained, throwing the shirt back at me. I caught it before it hit my face and tossed it back to its spot on the floor.

"Well, you shouldn't mock someone with so much power," I told him. Pony grabbed a balled up pair of socks and aimed, but I was out the door before he had a chance to hit me.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

As happy as I was about Two-Bit's hard work, it didn't relieve the stress I was feeling for very long. I got home from work on Thursday night to find Pony and Soda talking about the testing again. I knew more people meant a higher chance of finding a match, but it still wasn't a guarantee. Plus, I couldn't shake the bad feeling I had about the whole thing. When Monday came around, I found myself half wishing Soda was starting his next round of chemo. I felt like we were losing time by just sitting around instead of fighting. On the other hand, I knew Soda's body couldn't take much more. Steve had been trying to show his support, but I could tell he felt the same as I did. He was quiet whenever the subject of the transplant came up, but he never said a word against it. It was Soda's decision, not ours.

The days crept by as we continued to play the waiting game. Everyone's blood samples had been sent away to get tested. If any of them matched Soda's, they'd be put through a higher level of tests, then we'd find out the news. It was Wednesday afternoon when the call finally came. It had started pouring around noon, so I was home for the rest of the day. Soda had been getting restless so Pony and I had brought him out to the living room to watch TV. It didn't really help with the cabin fever, but it was better than nothing.

When the phone rang, we all looked at it warily, wondering if it would be the hospital. I was closest and, bracing myself, I picked it up. "Hello?"

"Darrel, it's Dr. Sheldon." Pony and Soda were watching me intently and I nodded to show them it was the call we'd been waiting for. Soda had been lying down, but he pulled himself up to a sitting position so he could see me better.

"Hello, Dr. Sheldon," I said politely while trying to calm my nerves.

"I have the results of the blood tests," he began, confirming what we'd already guessed.

"And?" I prompted.

"It's good news. We have a match."

I breathed out a sigh of relief and nodded to Pony and Soda. They both broke into huge grins and Soda threw his arms around Pony's neck. "Who is it?" I asked. Whoever it was had better not back out of this. I had my reservations about the whole thing, but realistically I knew it was Soda's best chance.

"It's you, Darrel." For a second I was stunned, not quite able to come up with a response. "I'd like to get the next phase underway as soon as possible. If Soda can come into the hospital this afternoon we'll do some preparation work and then we'll hopefully be able to start radiation tomorrow."

"Umm, yeah. What time should we be there?" I asked, managing to shake myself out of my surprise. Somehow I'd never really thought I'd be the one to match up.

"If you're able to come in a half hour there's a free appointment time."

Wow, that was fast. "Okay, we'll be there," I answered, hanging up.

Soda still had an arm around Ponyboy and he turned to me as I sat down on his other side. "Well, who is it?" he asked anxiously.

I took a deep breath, still trying to process the conversation I'd just had. "It's me," I said softly. Soda's eyes grew wide, then suddenly his arms were around me. I hugged him back, pulling him close. I glanced at Pony, who was still grinning from ear to ear, and reached out an arm to him. He scooted closer and joined in the hug, Soda securely between us. After a minute, I reluctantly pulled away, remembering the appointment time. "Dr. Sheldon wants us to head over to the hospital right away for a few tests, then we'll start the treatment tomorrow," I told them. Even news of another impending hospital stay didn't seem to dampen Soda's spirits.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

I lay in bed Thursday morning, listening to the rain hit the roof. The bad weather meant another day of missed work, but right then I was thinking more about Sodapop. He'd been a bit nervous when he'd found out how big the machine they'd be using was, but he was still determined. Dr. Sheldon had reassured us that it was just like getting a twenty minute long X-ray, and this seemed to help Soda a lot. The part that was making me nervous was knowing that Soda was going into the hospital today, and he'd either come home in a few weeks, cured, or he wouldn't come home ever again. Somehow, I felt like it all rested on me and whether or not my bone marrow would be good enough for him.

My alarm clock started beeping and after shutting it off, I slowly got out of bed so I could wake up my brothers. I stood in their doorway for a minute, watching them sleep and wondering if I'd ever get to see this sight again. Every other time Soda had gone into the hospital we'd known he was coming home again, but we didn't have that guarantee this time. Before I could make myself move, Soda turned over and opened his eyes. "You're awake," I stated softly. Soda nodded, but didn't say anything. Instead he just watched me as I came over and sat on the edge of the bed. "You nervous?" He nodded again and I saw his gaze move around the room, taking everything in. "Soda, you're going to come home again," I said, gently moving his face towards me so I could meet his eyes. "I promise we'll get you through the rest of this." I didn't even believe myself, but I couldn't tell him how scared I was.

"You can't promise that, Darry," he whispered.

"Hey, you know how stubborn me and Pony both are. We'll get you back here." I tried to smile as I said this, but I'm not sure it turned out quite right. Soda smiled a little anyway, and I left him to wake Pony up while I got breakfast started.

We were all pretty quiet for the rest of the morning. When we got to the hospital we were shown to Soda's room and had just finished settling in when a nurse came to take him to his first treatment. Pony and I waited nervously for him to come back and we were relieved when he was wheeled back into the room looking none the worse for wear. "How'd it go, Soda?" Ponyboy asked.

I helped Soda onto his bed and he shrugged. "Fine. It was boring, actually. I just have to lie there and make sure I don't move."

Pony raised an eyebrow at this. "You, not move for twenty minutes?"

Soda glared at him and lightly smacked his arm. "Hey, I am capable of sitting still when I need to."

I fought to suppress a grin. I agreed with Ponyboy, but I felt a bit guilty going against Soda. I ended up just shaking my head at my brothers and enjoyed watching them banter back and forth until Soda drifted off to sleep. I was relieved the first step of this process was off to a good start and was hoping it was a sign of things to come.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Please leave a review!

Yes, I realize that it normally takes a lot longer to get appointments organized. However, I figure that there was probably less backlog for cancer treatment in the 60s and also, since Soda is so sick they'd probably try to get him in as soon as possible.


	21. Chapter 21

After three days of radiation treatment the day of the transfusion had finally arrived. Butterflies raced around my stomach, competing to see who could make me throw up first. I knew the nerves were pointless; I'd already killed off my immune system with the radiation treatment. If anything was going to go wrong, it was already too late to turn back.

I was exhausted after the past three days. It had been a bit like having more chemotherapy, but not as bad. Darry had been taken out for his surgery a couple of hours ago and I was waiting with Ponyboy, both of us anxious to hear how it had gone. I knew if this worked, I'd never be able to thank Darry enough. Pony and I both looked up sharply as the door opened and Dr. Sheldon came in. "How is he?" I asked quickly.

"He's fine," Dr. Sheldon reassured us. "He's woken up already and he'll come visit you when he's less groggy. Now, are you ready to get started?"

I noticed the equipment tray he'd brought in with him and gulped. This was probably the most important day of my entire life. This was my entire life. I glanced at Ponyboy, who nodded encouragingly. "Yeah, I'm ready."

Dr. Sheldon started hooking up the IV he'd brought. It was full of a pinkish liquid and he explained that it was a mix of Darry's blood and bone marrow. The butterflies started flying faster as I realized that my entire life depended on this one small bag of liquid. I turned away as he hooked the IV into my hand. Whatever direction this went, it was the beginning of the end.

When everything was hooked up and we were alone again, Pony and I silently watched the IV drip into me. We were both wondering if, somehow, I could beat the odds. This had worked for a few people, but not very many. Dr. Sheldon had said the biggest problem was infection so we were all being extra careful. No one was allowed to eat in my room and everyone had to wash their hands before they came in. I wasn't going to be allowed out of the room at all, which really bothered me, but I was hoping it would pay off in the end. There was a TV in the room, but I'd never been much of a TV watcher. I'd only watched so much in the last few weeks cause I had nothing else to do.

As the liquid in the IV bag neared empty, the door opened and Dr. Sheldon came back in pushing Darry in a wheelchair. I could feel my face light up as Darry gave me a tired smile. "Hey little buddy," he said. He sounded drained and I felt a bit guilty, knowing it was my fault.

"How are you, Darry?" I asked, concerned.

"I'm fine," he answered. I raised an eyebrow at him and he sighed. "I'll be fine in another day. Don't worry, Soda. I'm just a bit tired." He shifted and I saw him wince a little.

"How's your back?"

"Quit worrying about me, Soda," Darry grumbled. "Focus on yourself. I'll be fine tomorrow."

I looked to Dr. Sheldon for confirmation, who chuckled. "He's right, Soda. He'll be just fine. He's just a bit sore and the anesthesia is still in his system, so he'll be tired for a while. He just needs a good night's sleep." I nodded, accepting his answer. I would've felt awful if anything had happened to Darry cause of this, but aside from being tired, he really did look fine. The IV bag was empty now and Dr. Sheldon unhooked it and took it out of my arm. I sighed in relief, but I also knew it was temporary. Dr. Sheldon had told me he was worried about my nutrition, so I was going to get all my food through an IV. I really wasn't looking forward to that, but I knew I had no choice. I wasn't hungry at all and not eating wasn't going to do much to help avoid infection. I was going to have to be on antibiotics all the time, too.

"Darrel, you should get back to your room. You can come back and visit in a while," Dr. Sheldon said firmly." Darry nodded. I didn't really want him to leave, but he looked like he was trying hard not to fall asleep, so I didn't argue. Dr. Sheldon wheeled him out of the room and Pony and I sat back to start waiting.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

I lay in the hospital bed, trying to find a comfortable position. Even with pain meds, my back was throbbing from where they'd taken the bone marrow. I finally settled on my side. It wasn't the most comfortable position, but it beat lying on my back. I knew the pain would be well worth it if this whole thing worked.

The anesthesia was still in my system and I was just drifting off to sleep when my door opened quietly. I figured it was a nurse checking on me and I ignored it till I sensed the person sit down in the chair beside the bed. I opened my eyes and found Ponyboy watching me. "Soda's asleep, so I came to see how you're doing," he explained.

I felt bad for the poor kid, watching Soda go through all this and now having to see me in the hospital, too. I was glad he'd been able to stay with Soda during his side of the transplant so that he wouldn't have to be alone. "I'll be fine, Pone," I reassured him. "I'm just sore. It'll go away."

He nodded and when he didn't say anything else, I took a guess at what he really wanted to talk about. "You worried about Soda?" He nodded again and I reached out for his hand. "It'll be okay, Pone. As long as we're careful around Soda, he should be okay. We just can't get him sick."

"What about rejection?" Pony asked quietly.

I didn't have an answer to that. Dr. Sheldon had told us that aside from infection, the next biggest concern was that Soda's body would reject my marrow. If it was going to happen, there was no way to prevent it. "Don't think about it," I advised. "It's out of our control. We just have to do what we can."

Pony sighed and nodded again. I wished I had better answers for him, but I was just as lost and afraid as he was. Besides, he knew all the same facts that I did and there was no point in lying to him. "Soda seemed happy before he fell asleep," he said, smiling a little. "He's still real excited that we even found a match."

I smiled back at him. I was starting to have trouble fighting the sleep that had been claiming me before Pony had come to visit. "We got lucky. Maybe it'll keep going."

Pony noticed how tired I was and squeezed my hand. "Night, Dare." He got up to leave, then added quietly, "I'm glad it was you."

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

The next two weeks passed at a snail's pace. The guys stayed with me as much as they could and Darry and Pony had convinced the nurses to let them stay overnight again. I would've gone crazy if I'd had to pass the time by myself.

It was one of the days where Pony and Darry were both working and Steve and Two-Bit were keeping me company. I'd been trying to ignore a headache all day, but it was getting harder. "So then Two-Bit hands her his number and she actually rips it up in front of his face!" Steve snickered and threw a pitying look at Two-Bit, who quickly punched Steve in the arm.

"It ain't like you've got girls hanging all over you or anything," Two-Bit scoffed.

"True, but I only need one girl." I smiled at Steve's comment. Things had been real good for him and Evie lately. I was hoping they'd turn out better than they had for me and Sandy.

Two-Bit started to make some smart remark but he stopped when I spoke up quietly. "Could you two knock it off?" They'd been going at it for a while and my headache was starting to get the better of me.

Steve looked at me in concern. "You okay, Soda?"

"Yeah," I lied. "Just tired." I coughed and I saw them shoot meaningful looks at each other. "I'm right here, guys," I reminded them. "You don't have to look at each other like that. Like I said, I'm just tired."

"You sure, Soda?" Two-Bit asked. "Maybe we should get the doctor, just in case."

I coughed again and this time I felt a sharp stab in my chest. "Fine, get the doctor," I reluctantly agreed. I was sure it was nothing, but I knew I had to be careful.

Two-Bit left and I sat back on my bed, brooding. I was sure my headache was just from being cooped up for so long and I was probably coughing cause it was dry in the room. I felt like I'd been under a microscope ever since the transplant. Everyone was always watching me, waiting for me to get sick. It was making me nervous.

After a few minutes, Two-Bit came back in the room with Dr. Sheldon. Right on cue I coughed again and I saw Dr. Sheldon frown. I groaned inwardly; there was that microscope again. "How long have you been coughing, Soda?" he asked.

"Just a few minutes. It's just dry in here," I insisted.

Dr. Sheldon ignored me and kept asking questions. "Any other symptoms?"

I sighed, knowing I wasn't going to get away from the third degree. "I've had a headache all day."

He came over and lifted up my shirt so he could use his stethoscope. I breathed in and out when he told me to, cringing a little from the cold metal. "Any other symptoms?" he asked when he was finished. "Any chest pain? Difficulty breathing?"

I frowned, starting to get a bit nervous. How did he know I'd had chest pain? "A little pain," I admitted.

"And breathing?" I shook my head. "Okay. I'm going to send you downstairs to get some chest X-rays so we can find out what's going on."

He left the room and Steve eyed me critically. "You've had chest pain, too? Why didn't you say anything, Soda?"

I tried to brush his question off, both to keep him and Two-Bit at bay and to calm my own rising nerves. "It was just once," I said. "I'm sure it's nothing. It's probably just a cold. It's been two weeks, so I'm starting to get an immune system again." I looked at each of them, wanting them to agree with me, but they stayed silent.

After a few minutes, a resident came in with a wheelchair and I dutifully moved off my bed to the chair. I'd been feeling strong enough to move around on my own some in the last few days. I wondered glumly if I was about to go right back to square one.

As we moved through the hallways to the X-ray room, I found myself taking in everything around me. It may have still been the hospital, but at least it was something outside of the room I'd been stuck in for two weeks. After spending forever waiting for and then getting the X-rays, I was taken back up to my room. Darry and Pony were there now and they'd obviously been filled in by Steve and Two-Bit, who were still waiting for me.

Darry jumped on me the second he saw me. "Did they find out what's wrong?"

"Geez, Darry. At least let me get into bed," I complained, getting up from the wheelchair. As soon as I was settled he started in again.

"Why didn't you say anything sooner, Soda?" he scolded, arms crossed.

"Two-Bit got the doctor right after I coughed. How much sooner did you want us to do something?" I asked, annoyed. Spending so long getting the tests done had taken more out of me than I'd thought it would.

"What about your headache?" Darry persisted. "Steve said you've had it all day."

I glared at my best friend. "He needs to know, Soda," he offered, shrugging back at me.

I shook my head and turned back to Darry. "A headache doesn't mean I'm sick. I figured it would go away." My laid back attitude was mostly to convince myself that everything was fine, but Darry didn't care for it so much.

"You figured it would go away?!" he practically shouted. "Soda, what was the point in me giving you bone marrow if you're not going to tell us when you're sick?"

I sat stunned by his outburst, my mouth hanging open a bit. Did he regret being my donor? Did he wish I'd just kept going with chemo, even though it probably would've killed me anyway? "Dare…" Pony started, but was cut off by our older brother.

"No, Pony. He needs to understand how serious this could be."

I couldn't take his attitude anymore and I snapped. "I do understand, Darry," I growled. "Do you think I don't realize that one small infection could kill me? I know damn well how serious this is. But I'll go crazy if I spend all my time thinking that every cough or headache could mean something."

Darry's face softened a little and he sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I know, Soda. I'm sorry. I'm just…stressed," he finished lamely.

I laughed and shook my head at him. "You're stressed? Try being the one stuck in here twenty-four hours a day." I gestured at the room, which was less than inviting, Ponyboy had found a few photos to put on the walls, but there wasn't much else to make it look appealing. "Honest, Darry, I really do know how serious this is."

Darry sat down on the edge of the bed and wrapped an arm around my neck. "I know you do, little buddy. But you've gotta tell us everything, just in case." I nodded and leaned against him.

We all jumped when Dr. Sheldon came into the room a minute later. I sat tensely, waiting to hear what he had to say. Pony looked terrified and Darry moved to put an arm around him, keeping one hand on my shoulder. I didn't like the look on Dr. Sheldon's face. I'd been hoping he'd come in smiling, telling us right away that everything looked good. "When I listened to your chest earlier, Soda," he started, "I heard a crackling sound. That's why I ordered the X-rays. When I looked at them, they confirmed what I'd already guessed. You have the beginning stages of pneumonia."

I felt the world spin out from under me and my carefree façade flew right out the window. We hadn't been careful enough. Despite all our efforts, I'd somehow gotten sick anyway, and now I was gonna die.

"This isn't a death sentence, Soda," Dr. Sheldon said, reading my mind. "I won't lie to you—it's not good. Pneumonia is serious for anyone, and it's especially bad for you. But, it's early and it's still possible to fight this. I'll start you on stronger antibiotics right away and we'll monitor you very carefully. Don't give up."

I nodded numbly and watched as he left the room again, leaving dead silence behind him. Ponyboy moved from his spot beside Darry and climbed onto the bed, curling up next to me. I put my arms around him and pulled him close, resting my head on his. "It'll be okay, Pony," I whispered, maybe more for my sake than his.

I heard hushed whispers from the other side of the room, then Two-Bit spoke softly to Darry. "We're gonna head out, give you guys some privacy. You need anything before we leave?"

Darry shook his head and sunk into one of the chairs beside the bed. Two-Bit clapped me on the shoulder and Steve tried to give me a smile, but failed miserably. "Take care, buddy," he said, before slowly following Two-Bit out the door. Another resident came in to change the IV that was giving me antibiotics. I still intensely hated needles, but I'd gotten so used to them by now that I just flinched when he put it in. I'd take an IV over a spinal tap any day.

When we were alone again, I asked the question that had been bugging me. "Do you think I made the wrong choice? Should I have kept getting the chemo, instead?"

Darry rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. "I really don't know, Soda. Honestly, I probably would've gone with the chemo, but I'm not the one who's had to go through it for the past two months. I don't think you really had any good options." I nodded and pulled Pony closer to me. "Soda," Darry said quietly, watching me hold my younger brother like a security blanket, "you can still beat this." As if my body was trying to prove him wrong, I coughed, wincing as pain throbbed in my chest.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Please review! I really appreciate it. :)


	22. Chapter 22

So, this chapter is definitely more intense than the last couple, but it needed to be. I had a lot of trouble writing it, so please, please review and let me know what you thought!

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I listened to the kid read to Soda and tried my best to look awake and alert. I knew Soda didn't care much about the book either, but since he wasn't up for doing much, he loved hearing Pony read. I'd tried to keep some humor in the room when I visited, but it was getting harder the worse Sodapop got. It had been two days since he'd started to get sick and he'd gone downhill fast. His cough had gotten worse and now he was spitting up green junk. His breathing had started out fine, but it hard gotten harder for him, so the doctors had put an oxygen tube in his nose. They'd hooked him up to a heart monitor too, just to be safe. He didn't complain, but we could all tell he was in pain.

Ponyboy had cancelled the jobs he'd had lined up and Darry had quit his job at the warehouse. He'd only done it after Steve had forced him to take some money, saying it was for all the food he'd eaten out of their fridge over the years. I'd heard Darry telling Pony they'd figure the bills out later.

These days, Darry only left the hospital for work or to grab food from the house, and even then Steve and I were usually the ones to bring the food to the hospital. Pony only left Soda's room to shower, eat, or have a smoke; otherwise he was at his brother's side twenty-four hours a day. There was a small cot in the room, but everyone was too stressed out to sleep much.

The door opened and Dr. Sheldon came in. Soda was getting checked by doctors every hour; Dr. Sheldon came as often as he could. I figured the odds were that Soda was his most serious patient right then. Ponyboy stopped reading and Soda looked wearily at the doctor, waiting to hear what the latest news was. "Any changes, Soda?" he asked as he checked the machines and IVs in the room.

Soda shook his head. "No, everything feels the same."

As Dr. Sheldon felt Soda's chest with his stethoscope, he frowned slightly. "Your breathing is still the same? It's not any harder?"

I saw Soda shoot a quick glance at Pony before looking back at the doctor. "No. Should it be?"

"Maybe," Dr. Sheldon said noncommittally. "I'd like to send you for another round of chest X-rays."

"Why?" Pony asked. "Is something wrong?"

Dr. Sheldon sighed and put his stethoscope back around his neck. "It sounds like there's more fluid in Soda's lungs, but I can't be sure without a visual. I might just be being overcautious."

"I'm sure that's all it is, buddy," I said calmly. Dr. Sheldon shot me a grim smile and left the room, sending a nurse in to get Soda for the tests.

While we waited for Soda to get back, we stepped outside for a much needed smoke break and some fresh air. As we lit up, I watched the kid stare off into space. I left him to his thoughts; my own were racing through my head faster than I'd like. I was a pretty good people reader and I could tell Dr. Sheldon didn't think he was being overcautious at all. I was pretty sure Pony thought the same thing, but we both left it for now, waiting for the test results before we got too worried.

"You wanna walk a bit?" I asked after we'd finished our weeds. It would be a while before Soda got back to his room and I needed to stretch my legs some. It was four in the afternoon and I'd been keeping the Curtis brothers company since the morning. Darry didn't like to leave them alone more than he had to, so Steve and I tried to make sure one of us was there when Darry was at work. Pony nodded and followed me down the pathway. He pulled out another weed as we walked and I looked at him seriously. "Pone, how's your guys' money holding up?"

"It's fine," he stated without looking at me.

"Kid, the truth," I pushed. He didn't answer and I grabbed his arm, stopping him so I could look him in the eye. "If you guys get into trouble with it, tell me or Steve, you hear?" Pony just shrugged so I pushed a bit further. "I know Darry won't take nothin' more, but he doesn't need to know."

"Yeah, okay," Pony mumbled. He pulled himself out of my grasp and kept walking. I knew he didn't want to take money from us either, but he would if he had to and he'd find a way to get it into Darry's hands without him realizing it.

We got back to Soda's room just a few minutes before he did and by the time Dr. Sheldon arrived, Darry had joined us, too. "I'm glad you're here, Darrel," he said, prompting us to all exchange nervous glances. "I assume you've been filled in already?" Darry nodded, so he continued talking. "Soda's X-rays show that the fluid in his lungs is the same, but there's now fluid outside of his lungs, as well. It's built up quickly and is likely a major factor in his difficulty breathing."

"Can you get it out?" Darry asked. I saw Soda close his eyes briefly; the poor guy looked exhausted.

"I'll put a chest tube in to drain the fluid. There's a good chance the fluid will keep building, so the tube will need to stay in." Dr. Sheldon turned his focus to Soda. "I'll give you an anesthetic to numb the area, but it won't take away all the pain when the tube goes in. If you want, I can give you a general anesthesia to put you to sleep during the procedure. The tube won't hurt once it's in, so you'd wake up with everything finished."

Soda shook his head vigorously. "No, I don't want the drugs."

We all looked at him, surprised. He hated needles, and he was turning down the option to be asleep while they stuck one in his chest? "You sure, Soda?" Darry asked. "You won't feel anything."

"Yeah, I know," Soda said quietly, looking down at his hands, "but I don't want to go to sleep."

We were all quiet as we realized what Soda was afraid of. "It's a mild sedative, Soda," Dr. Sheldon gently explained. "You don't need to worry about not waking up from it."

"I don't want the drugs," Soda repeated.

Dr. Sheldon nodded and turned to Darry. "I'll need you to sign the consent forms. I want to do this right away, before the fluid has a chance to cause his body any more stress."

Darry nodded and Dr. Sheldon left temporarily. Darry took a seat next to Soda and took hold of his hand, Pony following suit. I thought about leaving; medical procedures weren't something I enjoyed watching, but I figured that if Soda was going to insist on being awake during this, I could at least offer him whatever support I could. When Dr. Sheldon came back, he got right to work cleaning Soda's chest. Before he put the anesthetic in, he looked carefully at Soda. "Are you sure?" he asked again. Soda just nodded mutely, and the needle went in.

Soda kept his face completely calm. The only indication he gave that anything was happening was a slight flicker to his features. Dr. Sheldon made a small cut in the side of Soda's chest and got the tube ready to put in. I couldn't watch, so I kept my gaze focused on Soda's face. It was pinched tight in pain now as the tube was gently pushed in and I found myself wishing I'd left the room after all. I swallowed hard and reminded myself that I had no right to complain, not when Soda was sitting there taking all this in silence.

When his face finally relaxed, I chanced a look down and saw the thin tube sticking out of the side of his chest and trailing down to a machine below the bed. The machine was starting to fill with fluid and I realized I'd reached my limit on medical horrors for the day. I took a step towards my friend and gently squeezed his shoulder. "Sorry Soda, but I've gotta go get Magan. I'll come by to see you tomorrow, okay?"

"'Kay. Thanks for staying, Two-Bit." He gave me a small smile before I ducked out of the room. I hadn't exactly lied. My little sis was sitting at home and would be fine by herself for another couple of hours, but I suddenly thought she might like to go out for ice cream. It had been too long since I'd done anything meaningful with her.

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A coughing fit woke me up from one of my countless naps. I turned onto my side and tried to breathe through the pain that flared in my chest during these episodes. I never breathed a word about how bad it was; I just took the hands offered to me and held on tight till the coughs subsided. This time wasn't as bad as some of the others and when it had passed I was able to smile at Pony and Steve, who were with me today. "You need anything?" Pony asked me, and I shook my head at him.

"What time is it?"

"Almost five," Steve answered me. "Darry'll be here soon." Even though Darry couldn't do anything more than everyone else, I felt just a bit safer with him around. He'd always watched out for me when we were growing up, and he was still my protector. I looked sadly at my little brother and saw dark circles under his eyes. I wanted to tell him to go home for the night so he could get a real night's rest, but I didn't want him to leave. Besides, he'd ignore me anyway.

"I've got something for ya," Steve said, reaching onto the nightstand and showing me a card. He'd come in while I was sleeping earlier and must've forgotten about it till now. "It's from the guys at work." I took it from him and smiled at all the signatures. I wasn't especially close to anyone from the DX, but it was sure nice to know they were rooting for me.

"Thanks, Steve," I said, handing it back to him. He nodded and put it back in its spot on the table.

While we waited for Darry, Steve filled me in on the goings on at work. They'd hired someone to replace me, but he said Brad was willing to fire the guy the second I was ready to come back. He said it like it was such a sure thing that I'd get better.

As Steve kept talking I started to find it getting harder to breathe. It felt like there was a huge weight on my lungs that was pushing down, making it painful to get air in and out. I tried to ignore it at first, but after a couple minutes I knew I had to do something. I interrupted Steve in the middle of a sentence. "Get the doctor," I gasped. I found myself suddenly struggling for breath, the weight on my lungs doubling in size.

Steve immediately yanked the door open and yelled for help, then was right back at my side. "Soda?" Ponyboy's voice was shaking and I looked over at him. I could see my own fear mirrored in his eyes. Before either of us had a chance to say anything else a doctor rushed into the room. He pushed Steve out of the way, who moved around the bed to join Pony. The doctor took one look at me gasping, trying desperately to breathe, and called out the door for backup, which came in faster than I knew what was happening.

I kept struggling for air but now I couldn't get any at all. The room was spinning and I saw people moving around me in a blur. I looked around, frantically searching the distorted room for Pony or Steve, who'd both been shoved aside now. I was so scared and I wanted someone with me. Dr. Sheldon was standing over me and saying something, but I couldn't hear him. My chest felt like it was being crushed and with each futile gasp for air I could feel my fear building to the edge of hysteria. Why couldn't I breathe? How had this happened so fast? A needle was jabbed into my arm and everything started to get hazy. I fought against the darkness, scared of what it might bring. I tried to gasp out Pony's name, but no sound came out of my mouth. I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore but I didn't want to go to sleep. I was so scared I'd never wake up again. Against my will, my eyes closed. Something was shoved down my throat and I tried to lift my hand to get it out, but my arm was too heavy. I tried to open my eyes again but I couldn't. I felt the darkness trying to claim me and finally I couldn't fight it anymore.

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I stumbled back against the wall as Pony and I were both pushed away from Soda's side. I glared at the doctors, thinking that they could've let one of us stay with him. I could see Soda looking around fearfully and felt Pony move towards the bed, but I put a hand on his shoulder and he stood still again. We both knew we had to let the doctors do their jobs. One of them put a needle into Soda's arm and a second later his eyes closed. Right away, Dr. Sheldon started putting a tube down Soda's throat. I heard a soft cry from beside me and I squeezed the kid's shoulder.

We both stood silently frozen, watching Dr. Sheldon finish hooking up the ventilator and taping it into place. The heart monitor had been beeping erratically, but it settled into a steady rhythm as Soda's chest started to rise and fall again. I remembered my vow to get Soda better before he had to be on life support, and thought bitterly what a joke that had been. Here he was with a tube stuck down his throat, another one in his chest, and IVs and wires crawling all over his body.

The room emptied and only Dr. Sheldon was left, listening to Soda's breathing again. "What—what happened?" Pony asked. I still had my hand on his shoulder and gave it another quick squeeze before letting go. I was glad to have any company, even Pony's.

Dr. Sheldon continued his exam for another minute before answering. "I'll need X-rays to be sure, but my guess right now is that his lungs rapidly filled with more fluid and became very stiff, causing too much strain for his muscles to keep working properly."

"Will he be alright?" I asked hesitantly.

"I'm sorry, I can't answer that," he sighed. "We'll keep doing what we can, but medicine only goes so far. It's up to Soda to beat this." He quietly left the room and I moved closer to Soda, Pony following right behind me.

I gently picked up Soda's hand and started talking to him. "You hear that, buddy? It's up to you. I know you can do this. You have to keep fighting. You hear me? Don't give up, Soda."

Two nurses came in to take Soda down for the X-rays, which wasn't an easy task anymore with all the equipment he was hooked up to. Pony gently brushed his cheek before stepping back and watching him be wheeled away. For a few minutes we both just stood there. I had no idea what to say to the kid to comfort him; I was feeling pretty shitty myself after watching my best friend almost suffocate. The tension increased when Darry came in the room and I realized we had to tell him what'd happened. "Where's Soda?" he asked immediately.

"He's getting X-rays," I answered dully.

"Again?"

"Yeah. Listen Darry, there's something you need to know…" I trailed off, trying to figure out how to tell him.

"What is it, Steve? Is he okay?" Darry looked between me and Pony, who couldn't seem to find his voice, and I forced myself to spit it out.

"No, he's not," I said quietly. "His lungs stopped working. They had to put him on a ventilator."

Darry collapsed into the nearest chair and looked up at me despondently. "How long ago?"

"Not long," I told him, following his lead and sitting down. "Ten, maybe fifteen minutes."

He swore and I knew he was wishing he'd gotten there earlier so he could've been with Soda. Ponyboy suddenly moved towards the door and Darry put a hand on his arm to stop him. "You okay, kiddo?"

"Yeah," Pony answered, nodding. "I just need some air." What he meant was, he needed a smoke. Darry knew this too and let him go.

We sat in silence until Soda was brought back into the room. I saw Darry stiffen at the sight of his unconscious brother. Pony'd been gone for a half hour now and I realized Darry wouldn't be in any shape to look for him for a while. "I'm gonna go find the kid," I said. Darry nodded, but he didn't take his gaze off Soda.

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My hands shook as I took a cigarette out of my pack. It took me three tries to light it and when I finally did, I breathed in so deep I actually choked. I hadn't choked on a weed in years. Over and over in my head I saw Soda getting a tube shoved down his throat. I tried to convince myself that it was temporary, that the doctors would drain the fluid and take the ventilator out, but I knew I was lying to myself.

It took three smokes before my hands stopped shaking and one more before I felt ready to go back inside. I'd been planning on going to Soda's room to see if he was back yet but somehow ended up in a different part of the hospital. I slowly entered the silent chapel and slid into a pew near the front. I couldn't bring myself to pray—I knew I'd break down if I started to put my thoughts into words—so I settled for just sitting there, hoping that my presence in the chapel would be enough to get God's attention.

To distract myself, I concentrated on taking in the details around me. There was small alter at the front of the room with candles spread over it. A few of them had been lit by other visitors praying for their own loved ones. I wondered what they were sick with and if they'd get better. There was a small cross behind the candles, but not much else adorned the space. It was only meant to be a quiet place for people to go to and no one had bothered to make it look too fancy. Despite that, it was still comforting to feel like there was some sort of higher being out there. If Soda died, I wanted to think of him in heaven with Mom and Dad. I couldn't stand the thought that he would simply cease to exist.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I jumped when someone sat down next to me. I looked over and was surprised to see Steve. Darry must've sent him. "How'd you know I'd be here?"

He shrugged. "Lucky guess." He didn't offer anything else and for a long time we just sat there in mutual silence. It was strange to be sitting alone in a chapel with Steve Randle of all people, but somehow it didn't feel uncomfortable. The silence was so deep that I was startled when he spoke up again. "I know how scared you were, watching them hook Soda up to the ventilator. I was just as scared." I gave Steve a sidelong glance. He was staring at the front of the chapel with a sad, faraway look on his face and I realized he was telling the truth. He had his arms draped over the back of the pew we were sitting in and he gave off an air of not caring that we were in a chapel, but I was starting to get the feeling it was an act. We sat in silence for a while longer until he spoke up quietly again. "My grandma used to take me to church, every Sunday. She died when I was eight. I never went back, not till that one day you and Johnny dragged us there." He silently went up to the front of the chapel and lit a candle. He stood over it for a minute, then turned and walked by me and out of the chapel without another word.

I stayed for another few minutes and then slowly got up to leave. I didn't seem to be able to make my feet move very fast and I trudged through the hospital corridors. The past few months of worry and sleep deprivation were finally catching up to me and I felt like I could sleep for a year. I knew I wouldn't get any sleep tonight though, not with Soda feet away fighting for his life. When I got to Soda's room I washed up and was just about to head in when the door opened and Steve came out. He stood in the doorway, blocking it, and studied me. "Take care of him," he said softly, then headed to the elevators. I stared after him for a second, trying to figure out if he'd meant Darry or Soda.

Going into the room I found Darry sitting beside our brother, holding his hand. He looked up at me when he heard the door and I saw that his eyes were red and puffy. Had he been crying? I could count on my fingers the number of times I'd seen Darry cry. I decided not to mention it and instead just sat down and took hold of Soda's other hand. "Hey, Sodapop," I whispered. "We're right here, okay? Me and Darry are both right here."

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"I just don't see how you think it's okay to keep him in this situation, Alan."

I gripped the receiver harder and glared daggers at the telephone. "I don't see how _you_ think it's okay to take him away, Diana," I growled. Diana was normally a good friend, but she was seriously pushing the limit on this case.

"When's the last time he slept in his own bed?" she asked harshly. "A hospital is no place for a fifteen year old to spend all his time."

"It's no place for a seventeen year old to spend all his time, either," I reminded her.

"Taking Sodapop out of his brother's custody won't make a difference," she pointed out. "His medical bills are paid for and the hospital is taking care of all his needs. It's Ponyboy I'm worried about. He needs a home he can go to that is actually supervised. I understand why Darrel is spending all his time in the hospital right now, but if he isn't able to provide a safe environment for his brother, I'm going to have to do it for him."

"Christ, Diana. Ponyboy _wants_ to spend all his time here. These may very well be the last days he's ever able to spend with Soda. Are you really going to take that away from him?"

I heard her sigh and knew I'd gotten through to her. "Do you really think he's going to die, Alan?"

I leaned my head in my free hand and gave a sigh of my own. "I don't know, Di. I hope he doesn't, but it's not looking good. I had to put him on a ventilator this afternoon."

I heard a muttered curse word from the other end of the line. "Alright, I'll try to hold them off for a while longer," she agreed, referring to her superiors. For weeks now, as a favor to me, she'd been doing her best to convince them that the best place for Ponyboy was with his brothers and that taking him away would only scar him emotionally and would almost certainly kill Soda. The last thing that family needed right now was more stress.

"Thanks, Di," I said and hung up the phone. I looked at the lab results spread over my desk and swore. When Sodapop Curtis had come into the ER three months before, I'd been determined to cure his leukemia. I'd remembered the newspaper articles from September about his family and thought it so unfair that on top of everything else, these kids now had to deal with cancer. The odds were against him, but he was young and otherwise healthy and after all, didn't the universe have to have some sort of balance? Was it really possible that whatever God there was could take every single thing away from one family?

Whatever hope I'd had left had dissipated when I'd put the ventilator in. Despite all my efforts, his pneumonia had progressed to the point where he was on life support, and cancer patients didn't typically come back from that. I groaned and buried my head in my hands. It was so rare I ever got to save a life anymore.

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Forty-eight hours. For two straight days neither Pony or I'd left Soda's side for more than an hour each. I'd called my roofing boss and told him what'd happened. We couldn't afford for me to take time off work, but I really didn't care. I'd sell every damn thing in the house if it kept me with Soda while he needed me. Except for the necessary bathroom breaks, a couple quick showers, and the odd snack, we'd been sitting with our brother, holding his hands and talking to him. We weren't sure if he could even hear us, but it made us feel a bit better imagining he could. Dr. Sheldon had explained that Soda had to be kept sedated so that he didn't try to fight the ventilator. I tried to tell myself that at least he wasn't in pain this way.

Pony had fallen asleep with his head resting on Soda's bed. I'd given up trying to convince him to sleep on the cot that was in the room. He'd fought me every time I'd brought the topic up. In the end, he'd agreed to sleep there if I did it first and that had been the end of the conversation. The cot remained empty while we both had short naps in our chairs whenever we couldn't stay awake any longer.

Ironically, it wasn't the cancer that was killing Soda anymore. His blood tests were coming back showing huge improvements, but it wouldn't matter if he couldn't beat the pneumonia. This had been the biggest problem with other transplant patients; the procedure had gone fine, it was the aftereffects that killed them. For the past two days I'd been trying to stop thoughts of coffins and gravesites from filling my mind. Doing all that for Mom and Dad had been hard enough; I couldn't even fathom doing it for my little brother.

"Any changes?" I looked up to see Ponyboy rubbing sleep out of his eyes with one hand; the other was still holding onto Soda.

I shook my head. "No. He's still the same." I gently brushed Soda's cheek, making sure to keep my hand away from the ventilator. "C'mon," I breathed, "you can do this."

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It was so dark. I didn't like it. I wasn't afraid of the dark, not normally, but this blackness was just so solid and I couldn't get away from it. I knew Darry and Pony were with me. I could hear them talking to me sometimes but I couldn't make my eyes open. I was just too tired. Every so often I'd have the sensation of being in the hospital bed, but I could never get my body to do anything, and then I'd be back in the darkness. I'd figured out what was going on and I was terrified. I wanted them to take me off the sedatives; I'd keep the ventilator in, I'd make my body do it somehow. I just wanted to see my brothers.

It was getting hard to breathe, even with the ventilator. It felt like I had an elephant sitting on my chest and every time I took a breath, the elephant got heavier. I could hear Darry talking to me again, but he sounded far away. "Keep fighting, Soda. You need to keep fighting, okay little buddy?" _I'm trying, Dare, really I am. But I'm so tired._ The elephant was getting heavier and Darry's voice was getting further and further away.

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"We're here for you." I saw Pony give me a small smile as I pep-talked Soda. It was the only thing that had kept us going the past two days.

"Please keep trying, Soda," he added. I could hear the tears in his voice and I struggled to hold back my own. We needed Soda so much. He was the spontaneous one, always so full of life, but always there when we asked. He bound our family together. Pony and I were closer than we'd ever been, but neither of us would recover if Soda didn't. The reality of that hit full force when erratic beeping suddenly filled the room; my eyes snapped to the heart monitor. Even as I focused on it, the beeping turned into a single, endless wail and I felt my world fall apart.

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Reviews? Or should I run for my life?


	23. Chapter 23

Wow—thank you _so much_ for all the reviews! I swear, I was like a little kid on Christmas all day. I really appreciate the support. :)

Anyway, I won't keep you waiting for the chapter! I actually got it up a few hours sooner than I'd hoped.

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"Soda? Sodapop?!" Pony was frantically calling to our brother, but the only answer he got was the continued wail of the heart monitor. Within seconds medical staff poured into the room and pushed us both out of the way. I pulled Pony towards the wall and held onto him tight. He buried his face in my shirt, crying and shaking his head back and forth. The doctors and nurses swarmed around Soda, blocking most of my view. Orders were shouted and I saw a doctor rub metal paddles together. When they were put to Soda's chest, his entire body jerked upwards.

Each time the electricity shot through Soda's body, I pulled Pony closer. I knew I was probably hurting the poor kid, but I couldn't make myself let him go. As I watched the scene play out before me, hoping and praying with everything I had, I suddenly felt something lightly brush my cheek.

I'd never been a very spiritual person. I believed there was something out there for us after we died, but I'd never given much thought to ghosts or angels or anything else. Despite that, when I felt that feather light touch on my cheek, I knew without a doubt in my mind that it was Soda, and my heart broke. He couldn't leave us, we couldn't handle that. I was helpless to stop the tears that spilled down my face as I continued to hold a sobbing Pony. Soda couldn't be gone, he couldn't. "Please, Soda," I whispered desperately. "Please fight. Please don't leave us."

Seconds passed like hours as the doctors continued to play God. My cheek burned where Soda had touched it and I found myself looking around the room, trying to see an apparition that wasn't there. Soda's body jerked up again and I closed my eyes, unable to watch any longer. Pony's body shook against mine and I tried to imagine how we'd get through this. I felt another brush against my cheek and my tears turned into full fledged sobs. Then, without warning, the wail of the heart monitor stopped. For one heart wrenching second I thought the doctors had given up and unplugged it and I wanted to scream at them to keep trying. Then it calmly started its steady beeping again. I opened my eyes and saw the relief on everyone's faces.

My knees buckled and I slid to the floor, dragging Pony with me. As I saw the medical staff leave with their equipment, I forced myself to move. I pulled Ponyboy up and together we made our way to two of the chairs beside Soda's bed and grabbed hold of his hand. "Oh God, Soda," I whispered. "Don't ever do that to us again." The only answer I got was the sounds of the heart monitor and ventilator.

The door opened and two quiet sets of footsteps entered. I tore my gaze away from my brother and looked up to find Steve and Two-Bit standing in the doorway, both looking scared. "We saw a bunch of people leave Soda's room a minute ago…" Two-Bit started, but trailed off with the unspoken question. I'm sure the looks on mine and Pony's faces were enough to confirm their suspicions that something had happened.

"His heart stopped," I stated flatly. I was still too shaken to try to soften the blow for them. I should have added a bit more though cause Steve stared at me, horror stricken.

"But, the machine is still beeping…" he faltered, looking back and forth between me and Soda, needing confirmation on what his senses were telling him.

"They got his heart beating again," Pony spoke up from beside me. His voice was barely above a whisper. He still had tears running down his cheeks, but he'd stopped sobbing.

"Are they—are they gonna be able to keep it beating?" Two-Bit asked, crumpling into a chair on the other side of the bed.

I shrugged. "I don't know." I couldn't think of anything else to say. I was still trying to process the fact that Soda had died a few minutes ago. Even after three months of knowing this would probably happen, none of us were prepared for it. I watched Soda's chest rise and fall, controlled by the ventilator. How much longer could he keep fighting like this? How much longer could we ask him to?

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I brushed angrily at the tears running down my face. It'd been a half hour since Soda's heart had stopped but I couldn't stop crying, at least not completely. We'd come so close to losing him and there was no guarantee it wouldn't still happen. Darry wrapped an arm around me and I leaned into his embrace. It was awkward and uncomfortable in the hospital chairs, but it felt good anyway.

After a while, Dr. Sheldon came in to check up on Soda. We all just stared at him, not offering any greetings. We were a room full of zombies, too exhausted to care about much. "I heard what happened," he said softly. "I'm so sorry. We're going to keep doing everything we can to help him fight this infection."

I wanted to laugh, to burst into a hysterical fit right there in the hospital room. What else was there left to do? Soda was already hooked up to a half dozen machines that were controlling everything that went in and out of his body. It seemed to me like they were running out of places to stick things. Fortunately, Darry kept his cool better than me. "Thanks," he said. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but changed his mind. I had a feeling he was going to ask what Soda's chances were and I was glad he didn't. I already knew they were almost zero, but I didn't want to hear it put into words.

Dr. Sheldon checked Soda's vitals and listened carefully to his chest. When he was gone, the only sounds in the room were the humming and beeping of the machines. It amazed me that only four days ago Soda had been awake and moving around. He'd had a couple of IVs in him, but that had been it. Four days ago he'd asked me what classes I was taking this year. He'd smiled when I'd told him auto mechanics was on the list and I'd been naïve enough to believe he might actually be around to help me with it.

Eventually Steve and Two-Bit left. They both looked sadly at Sodapop and I knew they were wondering if this was the last time they'd see him alive. Even when I went to the bathroom I was terrified I'd come back and find him gone. Once we were alone, Darry spoke up. "I felt him," he said quietly, barely more than a whisper.

I looked over at him, confused. "What're you talking about, Dare?"

"When he di—when his heart stopped, I felt something touch my cheek." I had no idea what to say to that. Darry was down to earth and logical. He didn't believe in stuff like that. Hell, I didn't even believe in ghosts. Darry looked over at me and I saw his eyes were deadly serious. "It was Soda, Pony. He's still fighting this."

I wanted to believe him, but it just seemed so ridiculous. "Dare, are you sure you didn't just imagine it?"

He shook his head adamantly. "Pone, you know I don't make stuff like this up." He had a point there, and I had to admit it was nice to think that Soda had been with us during those few minutes. I slowly nodded at him and then turned my gaze to Soda. He still lay silent and pale on the pillow. If he had been aware of anything, there sure wasn't a sign of it now.

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The waiting was starting to get to me. For three days we'd all been sitting on the edge of our seats, wondering if Soda's heart would hold out long enough for him to get better. Or everything else, for that matter. His entire body was exhausted; even if his heart lasted, his liver or kidneys could be next. Ponyboy looked almost like a walking corpse himself but I couldn't get him to eat or sleep more than he already was. I didn't have the energy to fight with him, especially when I knew it would just make me a hypocrite.

I rubbed my eyes and struggled to keep myself awake. Pony had fallen asleep almost an hour ago; he kept his hand tightly clasped around Soda's even in sleep. Dr. Sheldon came in and I gave him a tired smile. "Hello, Darrel." He kept his voice to a whisper in an effort to not wake Ponyboy. He checked each of the machines in the room and then moved around Pony to listen to Soda's chest. This was all routine and by now I only half paid attention. Since he was in such critical condition, Soda was checked every hour and after a hundred reports of "no change," I'd stopped expecting much.

I watched Dr. Sheldon's face out of habit more than anything else. I might've been imagining it, but it seemed like he was listening to Soda's chest for longer than usual. As I kept watching, a guarded look crossed his face. My sense of time may have been playing tricks on me, but I definitely did not imagine his change in expression. "What is it?" I asked. I wondered if this was it, if he would tell me to wake up Pony and say our goodbyes. Would Steve and Two-Bit be able to get here in time?

He took his stethoscope off and turned to me. He'd put his face back into a neutral expression, the one I was sure he used when he had to tell families that he was sorry, but he couldn't do anything more. I tried to brace myself for the news, but I may as well have been trying to defy gravity.

"I don't want you to get your hopes up," he started, and I felt my heart leap into my throat. Could he actually have good news? "I need to send Soda down for X-rays to be sure, but it sounds like the amount of fluid in his lungs has decreased." I stared at him, then turned towards Soda. He looked the same to me, but maybe somehow his body was starting to recover. "Darrel," Dr. Sheldon said, bringing my attention back to him, "you need to understand that I could be wrong about this. I don't have any proof yet; I'm just using my senses."

I nodded. I understood him, but I needed to hope that he was right. "When will you have the X-rays back?" I had to know as soon as possible.

"Soda is a priority patient, so radiology will take him immediately. I should have his films back within an hour. You should wake Ponyboy up," he added gently. I looked at my brother, still sleeping, and smiled. I'd actually have something good to tell him for a change.

When Dr. Sheldon had left the room, I moved to the other side of the bed and had a seat next to Pony. "Pone," I whispered, gently shaking him. "Pony, wake up."

He muttered a few words I wasn't sure I wanted to understand, then slowly raised his head and looked around. His eyes landed on me and I saw fear briefly flash through them. "What happened?" he asked anxiously. "Is Soda okay?" He looked over to our brother and when he couldn't see any obvious change he turned his gaze back to me.

"Pone, it's okay," I quickly reassured him. "Dr. Sheldon's sending Soda down to get more X-rays. He thinks the fluid in Soda's lungs might be going down."

Pony stared at me for a minute, trying to process what I'd said. His eyes widened as my words sunk in and he broke into a tentative grin. "You mean, he's getting better?"

"He might be," I confirmed. "Dr. Sheldon isn't sure yet, though, Pone." Pony nodded at me, but his grin just got bigger. It was infectious and I found a huge smile spreading across my own face. After days of nothing but bad news, even cautious hope was better than nothing.

A pair of nurses came to take Soda out of the room and Pony and I waited impatiently for him to come back. I paced around the room, suddenly filled with nervous energy instead of the exhaustion that had been plaguing me. Pony still sat in his same chair, but he'd pulled his legs up to his chest and was hugging his knees. Every so often we'd catch each others' eyes and I would feel my hope rise. Maybe, just maybe, we'd catch a break for once in our lives.

When Soda was brought back into the room I immediately sat next to him and took his hand. "C'mon, little buddy. Give us some good news." The time crawled by while we waited for Dr. Sheldon to come back with the test results. When he finally showed up we both watched him, trying to read his face. He didn't keep us waiting.

He smiled and I felt relief wash through me. "The X-rays came back positive," he said. "There's still a lot of fluid there, but it's definitely less than before." I reached across the bed with my free hand and took hold of Pony's. He was grinning from ear to ear and I was sure I hadn't seen him this happy since we'd found out I was a match for Soda. "He's not out of the woods yet," Dr. Sheldon cautioned us. "He's still got a long way to go with the pneumonia, and there's still risk of infection after that. But, this is excellent news." He smiled at us again as he said the last part.

I forced myself to come down from my high and start thinking strategically again. "What happens now?" I asked.

"We'll keep him on all the same medications for now. Once the fluid decreases more, we'll start weaning him off the ventilator and then take it out completely. Once it's out, we'll be able to wake him up." I breathed a sigh of relief at that. It would be so good to really be able to talk to him again, to see his eyes open and know for sure he could hear us.

Dr. Sheldon quietly excused himself and left. Ponyboy looked up at me from across the bed. "Is this really happening, Dare?" His eyes were shining with hope, something I hadn't seen in far too long.

"Yeah kiddo, it really is."

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"Are ya done yet?"

I gritted my teeth and tried to restrain myself from reaching across the counter and strangling my friend. "I told you, Two-Bit, I'll be done in a few minutes. Why don't ya go have another smoke?"

Two-Bit ignored me and continued to tap his fingers on the counter. His car had broken down again and I was his ride to the hospital, but I had a few things to finish up before I could punch out for the day. I was as anxious as he was to see Soda, but I could only move so fast. I was counting the money in the cash register from the end of my shift when the phone rang. I quickly finished up with the quarters and put them back in the till just in time to see Two-Bit reach across the counter and grab the phone. "DX, Two-Bit speaking. What can I do for you today?" I glared at him and reached for the phone; he knew he wasn't supposed to answer it. He just flashed a grin and moved out of my reach. I scowled at him and moved back to the register. "Darry? What's wrong?" I dropped the pile of dimes in my hand and they scattered all over the floor. Darry didn't leave Soda's side unless he had to; this wasn't a social call. "Are you serious?" There was a pause then, "Yeah, we'll be right there."

He hung up the phone and stared at it for a minute, clearly surprised by whatever he'd heard. "Well, what the hell happened?" I demanded impatiently.

He looked up at me and a grin slowly started to spread across his face. "Soda's getting better," he blurted. "He's actually getting better!"

Two-Bit Mathews joked about a lot of things, but I knew he would never in his life joke with me about this. "Dave!" I called into the back, where the night shift guy was putting his stuff away. "Finish the till for me, will ya? I gotta go!" I quickly punched out and ran out the door to my truck, Two-Bit right on my heels.

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C'mon, you didn't really think I'd kill Soda, did you? I'll admit I toyed with the idea, but I couldn't do it. I'm pretty sure I made a couple medical mistakes in this chapter, but no one's pointed any out to me so far, so I'm figuring there's no experts reading this. ;)

Please take a minute to review and let me know what you thought!


	24. Chapter 24

Thanks for the continued support! I'm thinking one more chapter for this story, after this one.

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"Glory, Steve! Would ya slow down?" I gripped the edge of my seat as Steve raced down the streets at twice the speed limit.

"I thought you wanted to see Soda, too?" he asked irritably, not taking his eyes off the road. "And since when did you care about fast driving, anyway?"

"Since you came within two inches of clipping that bus back there," I shot back. Steve ignored me and turned a corner so sharply I actually heard the tires screech. "Steve, Soda's getting _better_, not worse. It won't hurt if we take an extra five minutes to get there. On the other hand, if we die in a car crash, he might not like that too much when he wakes up."

Steve slammed on the brakes at a red light and turned to me. "Darry really said he's getting better? You didn't hear him wrong?"

"Yeah, buddy. That's what the doc told them." When the light turned green, Steve shot the car forward, but no longer at death defying speeds.

When we got to the hospital, Steve practically ran to the elevators and starting repeatedly pushing the button as if it would make the elevator come faster. I stood back and kept out of the way; better to let him break the button than try to stop him. Besides, now that we were safely off the roads I was anxious to move as fast as possible, too.

It seemed like forever before we finally got to Soda's room. Darry and Pony looked up at us when we went in, but my gaze immediately went to Sodapop. I'd been expecting some big change; I'd thought maybe the ventilator would be out or at least his color would be better, but he looked exactly the same as he had the last time I'd seen him. He still had tubes and wires everywhere and he was still almost as white as the sheets. Darry smiled at me sympathetically. "It's gonna bit a while before he looks better," he explained, "but Dr. Sheldon said his X-rays definitely showed an improvement." I nodded, but I still felt disappointed.

"When will he wake up?" Steve asked, taking a seat next to Ponyboy and placing a hand lightly on Soda's shoulder.

"They're hoping he can come off the ventilator in the next three or four days," Darry answered. "His lungs still need to improve or he'll just be struggling to breathe again." His face darkened and I thought about all the times in the past few weeks we'd had to talk Soda through his breathing difficulties. I couldn't imagine the terror he must've felt the final time it'd happened.

I walked around the bed and took a seat next to Darry. "You two should go home and get some sleep," I told him. "Me and Steve can stay here tonight."

"No, I'm fine here," Darry answered. He looked at Pony. "You can go home, if you want. I'll call you if anything happens." He said it halfheartedly; he already knew Pony's answer, and he didn't argue when the kid shook his head at the offer.

"You guys should at least sleep on the cot tonight," Steve spoke up. Neither Curtis answered, and the subject was dropped. Steve and I both knew that even with Soda improving, the cot would once again remain empty. We also knew that if, God forbid, Soda didn't have his brothers, it would be us at his side not budging.

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It was three days before Soda was ready to come off the ventilator. Ponyboy and I still barely left his side, but that would have to change soon. It was Saturday; if everything went well, I'd have to get back to work on Monday or we'd be in worse financial trouble than we already were. School would be starting Monday, too. Two-Bit had managed to talk the school secretary into giving him Pony's registration forms for me to sign so that I wouldn't have to make the trip over to the school. Steve had arranged to get a last period study hall so that he could leave early and visit Soda, and I was grateful that he'd be there, even if I couldn't.

For the past day Dr. Sheldon had been weaning Soda off the ventilator. I didn't understand all the medical speak he'd used, but I did understand that it was finally time to wake my brother up. He'd been taken off the sedatives almost an hour before and was supposed to be showing signs of movement any time. Pony sat beside me, both of us holding onto Soda's hand while we waited for the doctor to arrive. Steve and Two-Bit would be coming by later, but it was better if there weren't a lot of people in the room to stress Soda out. Pony and I had been told in no uncertain terms that if anything went wrong, we were to stay out of the way. We were both anxiously hoping that wouldn't happen.

We looked up as Dr. Sheldon came into the room. "Any signs yet?" he asked us. We both shook our heads. "That's alright," he said gently. "They'll come soon enough. Just to remind you, I'm only going to keep him awake for long enough to make sure he's responsive. If he can do everything I ask, I'll give him a mild sedative and then take the ventilator out."

As Dr. Sheldon checked Soda's status, I felt a small movement in my hand. It was so slight, I thought I'd imagined it till Pony spoke up. "I think he's coming around," he said, glancing at me nervously. Earlier, he'd told me he was worried Soda would try to fight the ventilator once he woke up. He was still upset at seeing it get put in a week before.

I felt Soda's hand move again, a little stronger this time, and I gave it a gentle squeeze. "C'mon Soda," I whispered. "We need you to wake up now." Soda's head moved the tiniest bit.

"Please wake up, Soda," Pony murmured. I felt Soda's hand move again and as I watched his face, his eyes slowly cracked open. He looked like he was struggling to keep them that way as he moved his gaze around the room, finally landing on us.

"Hey, little buddy," I breathed. "Welcome back." I could see questions in his eyes, but the tube in his throat stopped him from saying anything.

"Soda," Dr. Sheldon said, bringing Soda's attention over to him. "You're on a ventilator right now and I know it's very uncomfortable, but I need to you to do a couple things for me before I can take you off it." Soda just stared back groggily, so Dr. Sheldon continued. "First, I need you to squeeze my hand." Dr. Sheldon took Soda's hand in his and I watched it slightly contract. "Good. Now, can you raise your head up?" Soda's head moved a fraction of an inch off the pillow before falling back down. "That's okay," Dr. Sheldon said gently. "Maybe that was too much; I know you're tired. How about your arm? Can you raise it off the bed?" Soda slowly brought his free arm a few inches above the bed and held it there till Dr. Sheldon told him to lower it. "Much better, Soda. Alright, I can take the ventilator out now, but I need to put you to sleep again, first."

Soda looked back at us and even in his dazed state I could see the fear shining in his eyes. "It's okay, Pepsi-Cola," I soothed, rubbing his cheek lightly. "You're going to be okay. I promise you'll wake up in a couple of hours." He looked to Ponyboy and then back to me, his eyes begging for another option.

I saw Dr. Sheldon get ready to add the sedative to one of the IVs and Pony quickly spoke up to distract Sodapop. "Steve and Two-Bit are gonna come by later," he said. "They've been here as much as they can. When they heard you were getting better they came over right away. I think they set a record for getting here from the DX." The meds were in Soda's system now and he blinked his eyes, trying to stay awake. He didn't have a chance against the sedative though, and within seconds he'd lost the battle.

"Are you sure you two want to stay for this?" Dr. Sheldon asked, getting his equipment ready. I nodded and held Soda's hand tighter. I knew he was asleep again and wouldn't feel anything, but I wanted to be there for him anyway, and I knew Ponyboy felt the same. Dr. Sheldon had already explained the process to us, so he put gloves on and got right to work. He put a second tube into Soda's mouth and started suctioning the extra fluid away. I cringed and turned my gaze to Pony, who was staring at our joined hands. Even after seeing Soda awake, it was hard to watch him lie helpless while yet another medical procedure was done to him.

I heard the suctioning sound stop and after another minute Dr. Sheldon announced that he was done. I looked up to find Soda still asleep, but with his face free of the ventilator. He had an oxygen mask on, but I could deal with that a lot better; for one thing, it wasn't painful and for another, he'd be able to actually talk to us when he woke up again. "He'll come around again in a couple of hours," Dr. Sheldon said as he got ready to leave the room. "He probably won't be able to stay awake for long, but he'll manage more later in the day. A nurse will come by in a bit and switch him to an oxygen tube."

Pony and I both nodded our thanks and turned our focus to our brother, already watching for signs of consciousness.

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I felt a pressure on my hand and I squeezed back to whoever was holding it. Or at least I think I did. Everything was foggy; I felt like I was swimming through wet cement, trying to rise up and actually break the surface. "Hey, little buddy. The ventilator's out now. I told you you'd wake up again." Darry. He had promised that, hadn't he? Vague memories of waking up earlier floated through my drugged brain. As I kept fighting the sedation, sensations started to join the memories. My chest still pulsed with pain, but what really got to me was my throat. I felt like I'd swallowed a razor blade, or maybe a broken bottle.

I opened my mouth, planning to offer some sort of greeting, but the words never made it that far. "My throat hurts," I mumbled instead, and I cringed at how hoarse my voice was. I felt a straw touch my lips and I took a few grateful sips of water before it was pulled away. I groaned and turned my head, trying to find the straw again.

"You can have more in a few minutes, Soda." Pony. I struggled to open my eyes, desperate to see my brothers.

I finally dragged them open and tried to blink away the blurriness dancing on the edges of my vision. It mostly worked, and I settled my gaze on Darry and Pony, who were sitting side by side, both holding my hand. "Hey," I croaked out weakly. It wasn't much, but they both smiled at me in relief.

I could already feel my eyelids trying to close again and I struggled to use energy I didn't have to keep them open. "It's okay, Soda," Darry said softly. "Go to sleep. We'll be right here when you wake up." _When_ I wake up. I could see the truth of that statement in his eyes and I slowly let my own close, sinking back into a peaceful sleep.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

It was a few hours before Sodapop came around again. Pony had moved over to the other side of the bed and was dozing while we waited. The sun was still up, but the past week had been exhausting; neither of us had any semblance of an internal clock left. When I felt Soda's hand start moving in mine, I gently shook Pony awake. He dragged his head up and blinked sleep out of his eyes, then noticed what was going on and quickly became more alert. "Soda?" he prompted gently. Our brother responded with a small moan before slowly opening his eyes. He smiled at Ponyboy when he saw him.

"Hi Pone," he whispered hoarsely, then turned to me. "Hi Dare." He offered me a small smile, too. He was much more alert this time, but the exhaustion was still plain on his face. He swallowed and visibly winced. A week on a ventilator hadn't exactly done wonders for his throat.

"You thirsty?" I asked, and he nodded. I took the sterilized glass of water a nurse had brought in and brought the straw to Soda's mouth. After a few sips, I took it away. "You can't have very much at a time," I explained. "Too much in your stomach all at once might irritate it." He frowned a little, but nodded anyway.

He looked back and forth between us again and concern started to show on his face. "You two look like crap," he said. "How long've you been here?"

I sighed and glanced at Ponyboy. "What do you remember, Soda?" I asked quietly.

He thought for a minute before answering. "Steve and Pony were here. We were talking, and then—I couldn't breathe anymore." His voice started to shake as the memory came back to him. "I was so scared…" he trailed off and when he looked at me, I could see tears in his eyes.

"It's okay, Pepsi. You're okay now," I soothed. He nodded and took a few deep breaths, maybe to calm himself down, or maybe just to reassure himself that he _could_.

"I don't remember anything after that. Not till I woke up and Dr. Sheldon said he was going to take the ventilator out. Is that what he did, when I couldn't breathe?" he asked, turning to Pony.

"Yeah, they did it real fast. They gave you a needle first so you wouldn't feel it. You haven't been awake since," Pony finished in a whisper.

He looked down and Soda gently squeezed his hand. "I'm awake now, Pone." Pony looked up and tried to smile, but I could see the fear still lingering on his face. It would be a long time before he'd get over his memories of that day.

There was silence for a minute before Soda asked quietly, "How long?"

Pony and I glanced at each other briefly, wondering how he would take this. "Eight days," I told him gently. His face filled with horror and he looked at me in disbelief.

"Eight days?! I've been out of it for over a week?!" The exhaustion left his features for a minute as he reeled from the news. "Have you guys been here this whole time?" he asked, beginning to realize why we both looked so awful.

"We didn't want to leave you alone," Pony said quietly.

"But—"

"Soda, don't bother," I said, cutting him off. "We've already heard it from everyone else." He looked at me and I could see the drowsiness start to come back as the fight left him. "Don't waste your energy worrying about it."

I saw one more flash of concern in his eyes, then he relaxed again. "Thank you," he whispered, his eyes starting to close. A few seconds later, he was asleep.

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Two-Bit and I arrived at the hospital just after sunset. Darry had phoned earlier and said that everything had gone well with taking the ventilator out and that Soda had been groggy, but awake. We'd decided to give the three brothers some time alone together, but now we were getting anxious to see for ourselves that our friend was okay.

Two-Bit finished washing up first and moved towards Soda's door, but froze in the doorway. For a second my stomach dropped, thinking that something had happened, but then he turned to me with a smile on his face and put a finger to his lips, indicating to be quiet. Curious now, I pushed past him and felt my own face break into a smile at the sight before me. The guardrail was up on one side of Soda's bed and Ponyboy was curled up in the narrow space between it and Soda, leaning against the rail so that he didn't put too much weight on his brother. He had an arm wound around one of Soda's arms, carefully avoiding all the wires but hanging on tight just the same. He was completely out cold. Darry was lying on his stomach on the cot, one arm dangling over the edge and his mouth hanging open slightly, just as out of it as Pony. It was one of the many times in my life I wished I had a camera.

We carefully snuck into the room and each took a chair on the free side of Soda's bed. He was sleeping, but when I picked up his hand, he stirred and slowly opened his eyes. He blinked a few times before focusing on us. "Hey, guys," he said, smiling.

I grinned back at him, incredibly relieved to finally see him conscious again. The day he'd stopped breathing had been one of the scariest of my life, right up there with the night Dally had been shot and the day Mr. and Mrs. Curtis had been killed. "Hey, buddy."

"How're ya feeling?" Two-Bit asked.

Soda started to shrug his shoulders, then realized his one arm was tied down. He glanced down at his little brother, who'd shifted slightly at the movement and latched onto Soda's arm tighter. "How'd he manage to get there?" he asked, pinching his face in confusion. "If the rail wasn't there, he'd fall right off."

"Darry must've helped him," I suggested. "He was like that when we got here." Soda glanced towards the cot and smiled at the sight of Darry fast asleep.

"I'm glad they're finally resting. Were they really here the whole time I was out?" he asked, turning back to us.

"Yeah. We probably could've pulled the fire alarm and they still wouldn't have budged."

I saw guilt flash through Soda's eyes, but I didn't mention it. "So, how do you feel?" I asked.

"Tired," he sighed. "Apparently eight days ain't enough sleep." He was quiet for a minute, then suddenly looked at us in alarm. "Shouldn't Pony've been in school today? He missed so much last year…"

I laughed and put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down. "I think all the meds scrambled your brain, buddy; your math is a little off. For one thing, it's Saturday." Soda immediately looked relieved and I thought how ironic it was that he was so concerned about Pony's schooling when he'd never cared about his own. "For another," I continued, "school doesn't start for another two days. He hasn't missed anything yet."

Soda gave a small smile, then looked at his brother and sighed. "He didn't have much of a summer though, did he?"

"Hey," Two-Bit said, drawing Soda's attention to him. "He ain't gonna care about his summer as long as you get better. That's all he wants."

A nurse came in to check Soda's vitals and told us it was best if we didn't stay much longer. Soda was looking drained from just our short conversation and he already had Darry and Pony to keep him company during the night. "Thanks for coming by," he said as we stood up to leave. He paused, then looked down and added, "I'm sorry I made you all worry so much."

"Soda." I waited till he was looking up at me, then said firmly, "Don't be sorry. Just get better." Two-Bit clapped Soda's leg and we moved towards the door. Before I turned the light out, I glanced back to the bed and saw Soda gently rub his free hand through his brother's hair. Pony stirred again and shifted, and as Soda curled up and closed his eyes, I turned the light off and closed the door behind me.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Please review. :) I'll try and get the last chapter up in the next couple of days.


	25. Chapter 25

Well, here is the final chapter. Sorry it took me a while to post it, but on the plus side, it's really long. Check out my profile for details on my next fic.

I tried to avoid a cliché ending for this story, and hopefully somewhat succeeded. I had to laugh at all the reviews in the last chapter still asking me to not kill Soda. I thought you'd know he was safe by now. :) But I loved the reviews anyway. As for the sequel someone mentioned…well, it was never part of the plan, and I wouldn't hold your breath for it, but ideas have started running around in my head, so you never know. ;)

I want to thank everyone who stuck with this story, and all the people who joined it more recently. Your reviews have meant so much to me! When I started this story I wasn't sure how it would go or if people would like it, but the response has been incredible. Thanks especially to FanFicFanatic12 and Hawiichick, who have reviewed pretty much every single chapter along the way, and also to SodapopSteve for reviewing all the chapters in a matter of days, then making a video about the fic. :) Thanks so much!

It's been a wild ride and I'm sad to see it over. I thought this story would be small, but 138 pages and 76,433 words later, I give you, finally, the last chapter.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~

"Darry, I'm fine!"

"I know you're fine. The point is, I want to keep you that way."

I watched my brothers argue back and forth about whether Soda would go home today or not. I agreed with Darry that Soda shouldn't leave the hospital too soon, but I also really wanted him home. It had been almost a month since he'd been taken off the ventilator and by now the pneumonia was completely gone. He'd finished his six weeks in isolation, plus an extra one just to be safe, which made it nine weeks since he'd been admitted and I knew he was going stir crazy.

Dr. Sheldon, who was trying his best to hide a smile, broke into the dispute. "Darrel, it's as safe as it will ever be for Soda to go home. Unless you want to keep him here for the next few months, there's no reason for him not to go home today."

"See?" Soda grinned triumphantly at our older brother, who ignored him and spoke directly to the doctor.

"Are you sure? I don't want to take any chances."

"Yes, I'm sure. His white blood cell count is up and his immune system is rebuilding itself. He'll be on immunosuppressant drugs for the next few months, and he'll probably get a couple of infections in that time. But we can't keep him here for that long," he said quickly when he saw Darry start to argue. "He's as strong as he's going to be till then. If he gets a fever, or any other signs of infection, bring him back in and we'll keep him here for a few days, but he needs to be home now."

Soda looked like he was going to jump out of his skin if he didn't get to leave the hospital, so I finally added my two cents to the conversation. "We'll be careful, Darry," I said firmly.

Darry opened his mouth to protest, but Soda stopped him. "You can't keep me here forever, Dare."

It was a simple truth, but the potential consequences were mind numbing. It would be months before Soda was out of the post transplant danger zone, and even then, there would always be the possibility of relapse. In a way, keeping Soda in the protective bubble of the hospital seemed like a great idea, but I knew it wasn't realistic and deep down, Darry knew it, too.

He looked around at the three of us and realized he was outnumbered. Normally that wouldn't stop him from doing things his way, but it was harder to go against a medical expert than against two younger brothers. "Fine," he finally relented. "But I don't want you going out much, ya hear? Nowhere crowded, or dirty. And don't you dare set a foot anywhere near Buck's or The Dingo."

"Dare, I'm not planning to go anywhere. I just want to be home." I studied Soda's face and realized how tired he looked today. His anxiousness to go home was giving him a burst of energy, but underneath that he was still exhausted from everything his body had gone through. From the little info they had about successful transplant patients, Dr. Sheldon had said it would be a few months before Soda was ready to go back to work and it could be a year before he felt completely normal again. Even though he was going home today, he'd have to go back to the hospital at least twice a week for tests and procedures and he'd be on tons of meds. But he'd be home, so the rest of it didn't seem as bad.

Darry smiled softly at Soda and pulled him close. "Okay. Let's get you home." Soda immediately held his hand out to Dr. Sheldon and looked meaningfully at the last of the IVs in his arm. Dr. Sheldon just chuckled and shook his head, then quickly took the IV out. Soda sighed in relief when he was finally free of the last piece of equipment that had been poking into him. It had been a slow process, but the machines had gradually been taken away as he'd fought the pneumonia until he'd been left with just his original nutritional supplements and antibiotics.

"Alright, let's go!" Soda swung his feet off the edge of the bed and hopped down. He was halfway to the door when he realized no one was following him. He turned to us, annoyed. "Well, what's everyone waiting for?"

I glanced at Darry, who had his hand over his mouth to hide his laughter, and thought it might be better if he wasn't the one to explain the situation. "Umm, Soda?" I started, doing my best to contain my own amusement. "For one thing, you're barefoot." He glanced down at his feet and blushed a little. "For another thing," I continued, "we haven't packed up any of your stuff."

"Not to mention I have to fill out the paperwork still," Darry added, giving up on repressing his laughter.

Soda slunk back to the bed and climbed up. I smirked, and he scowled at me. "I wouldn't talk, Pone. You've done some real stupid things yourself." I knew he could probably list a dozen examples off the top of his head, but it didn't stop my laughter. I started moving around the room and collecting Soda's things together, trying to hide my face from him. Darry, however, was still in reach of our brother and swiftly received a punch on the arm. "Don't you have forms to fill out?" Soda asked testily. Darry just smiled at him, but moved out of reach and followed Dr. Sheldon out of the room.

As I finished packing up Soda's clothes and toiletries, plus the things of Darry's and mine that had made their way into the room, I realized how quiet it was. I looked up to find Soda sitting with his knees pulled up his chest, staring out the window. "Soda?" I asked softly, joining him.

"What if it's too soon?" He continued to stare out the window, watching the world go by outside.

"Soda, you heard the doctor. It's okay to go home now." He didn't respond, so I tried again. "You're gonna get sick, Soda. You're gonna get a cold or a flu or something, but we'll get you through it. You've already beaten all the odds—"

"That's just it, Pone," he interrupted me, and finally turned his head to meet my eyes. "What if I haven't really? What if it's all just temporary and the next time I get sick I can't beat it? Or what if the cancer comes back?"

I shook my head vehemently. "Don't think like that, Soda."

But he wasn't done. Now that the reality of going home and sunk in, his fears were rising to the surface. "Pony, my heart stopped. What if that happens again and I can't come back from it? It's not like I have any control over it."

Soda had been real shaken when we'd finally told him everything that had happened when he'd been unconscious. There was one thing we'd left out though, and I sighed, knowing he had to know. "Soda, when that happened, Darry—" I paused and took a deep breath; this was still hard to think about. "Darry swears he felt you. He says he felt your hand on his face."

Soda stared at me incredulously. "Do you believe him?"

I thought about it for a minute before answering. Darry and I hadn't talked about it since he'd first told me, and I'd done my best to not think about that day. Slowly, I nodded. "Yeah, I do. If it'd been me, I don't think I would, but Darry doesn't imagine stuff. Soda, I think you did have some control over it. I think that even then, you were still fighting."

I watched Soda's face, but there were so many emotions playing over it I couldn't figure out if he believed me or not. Just then, Darry came back into the room. "Alright, the paper work's done. Ready to go, little buddy?" he asked, smiling. Soda nodded and slid off the bed, heading towards the door again.

"Umm, Soda?" I said hesitantly. He looked at me and I held his shoes out to him. A smile spread over his face as he realized he'd once again tried to leave the hospital in his bare feet.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

The car ride home was quiet. I couldn't get Pony's words out of my head. Had Darry felt my ghost or something? Or had he just made it all up in his head? No, I knew that wasn't true. Ponyboy was right—Darry didn't imagine things. But that only left me with one possibility, and it was one that completely unnerved me. I didn't remember anything, but had I really been there, somehow? Had I done anything else they didn't know about? I sighed and shook my head, trying to clear it. It was all just too much to figure out all at once.

"You okay, Soda?" Darry asked, glancing over at me.

"Yeah, I'm fine." It wasn't exactly the truth, but I didn't much want to talk about my own death, future or past. I just wanted to focus on the present, on going home and finally sleeping in my own bed again. Even just walking out of the hospital had been an amazing experience. It had been months since I'd smelled fresh air and I'd stood, gulping it in, until Pony had shoved me along to the truck.

As we turned the final corner, I drank in the sight of our house. It was as small and shabby looking as ever, but it was home and the doubts I'd had earlier started to fade some. Pony was right; I could do this. If I could come back from the dead, I could beat a couple of colds.

Once Darry had pulled into the driveway, I slowly climbed out of the truck. It was a surreal experience, coming home after being gone for so long, especially when I'd left not knowing if I'd ever come back. Darry came up beside me, wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and led me into the house. Right away I was assailed with the smell of a half dozen different foods. "What the hell…" Darry breathed, and I glanced at him nervously. I'd been hoping he'd planned whatever this was.

"It smells good in here," Pony said, following us in the door with my bag. Then realization dawned on him. "But, if we were all at the hospital, then who's cooking?"

The three of us crept silently into the kitchen, already figuring who it had to be. "Are the potatoes done yet, Two-Bit?" Steve asked impatiently, stirring a pot on the stove as he looked over Two-Bit's shoulder at another pot. "They should be home any minute."

"Don't rush genius, Steve," Two-Bit replied, dipping a spoon into the pot and tasting a sample. "And yes, they're done."

"Ah-hem." I cleared my throat and Steve spun around, nearly dropping the spoon in his hand.

"Christ, Soda! Don't scare me like that!"

"You're the one who said they'd be home any minute," Two-Bit said calmly. He turned around from the stove and smiled at me. "Welcome home, Sodapop!" he added brightly.

"Thanks." I smiled, surveying the kitchen. The stove was covered in pots, the oven was on, and dishes littered every possible inch of the counter. "So, have your own kitchens been invaded by aliens or something?"

Steve grinned. "We're making your favorite foods. Kind of a "welcome home" surprise. Are you hungry?" he asked, looking unsure. I hadn't exactly gotten my old appetite back yet, the one Mom had complained would eat her out of house and home. I didn't want to disappoint the guys though, and the kitchen really did smell amazing.

"Yeah, absolutely," I fibbed. I wasn't _not_ hungry, but I wasn't starving, either.

Two-Bit started piling food onto my plate—spaghetti, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, even an egg with grape jelly. I stared at the mound of food, feeling daunted. I hadn't eaten so much in months. "You don't have to eat all of it," Darry whispered, seeing my face. I smiled weakly at him and slowly sat down and picked my fork up.

Steve, who'd been finishing up at the stove, turned around and swore. "Two-Bit! That's way too much food! He's only been out of the hospital for an hour!"

"He doesn't have to finish it," Two-Bit said, shrugging. "But this way, if he only feels like one thing, he's got plenty of it."

I shook my head at my friend. "You never cease to amaze me, Two-Bit." He flashed a smile at me and started cramming his own plate with food. I scooped up a forkful of potatoes and had to restrain myself from groaning when they hit my taste buds. "Glory, these are good," I exclaimed after I'd swallowed. It seemed like forever since I'd tasted anything besides hospital food and even longer since I'd actually enjoyed eating something. I started shoveling more into my mouth as fast as I could, only stopping when my plate was half empty and my stomach felt like it would burst. I leaned back and looked around the table; everyone was staring at me, each wearing a slightly different version of shock on their faces. "What?" I asked.

"It's just been a while since we've seen you eat like that," Darry explained, staring at me like he didn't recognize me. "It's good, though!" he added quickly, smiling.

I studied my plate and realized just how much I'd actually eaten. I really hadn't been hungry when I'd sat down, but everything had just been so good, I hadn't thought about how much I was eating. "I guess Steve and Two-Bit should cook more often," I joked, grinning at them. "How'd you guys know I'd be coming home, anyway? I wasn't even sure till it happened."

Steve shrugged. "We knew there was a good chance and we were just hoping nothing would stop it." He glanced sideways at Darry, who thankfully didn't notice the implication. I started to laugh at my friend, but it quickly turned into a yawn.

"You should get some sleep, Soda." I took Darry's hint and headed to my room. I'd been tired before, but now I was downright exhausted, especially after scarfing down so much food. I quickly pulled back the covers, smiling at the fact that I'd get to sleep in my own bed, and was out cold before my head hit the pillow.

I woke up sometime later when Pony climbed in next to me. "Sorry, Soda," he said softly. "Did I wake you?"

I smiled and wrapped an arm around him as he settled in. "Yeah, but it doesn't matter. Trust me, I'll go back to sleep."

I was just starting to doze when Pony spoke up. "It's good to have you home, Sodapop."

"You have no idea," I mumbled, pulling him closer and drifting off again.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

"No Pony, you're on the wrong side of the engine!" Soda cried, laughing at our little brother, who had the hood of our truck open and was leaning over the front of it.

"Well, you do it, then," Pony grumbled, stepping back. Steve started showing Pony what he was doing wrong and I smiled to myself. He and Pony'd been getting along a lot better lately. After everything that had happened with Soda, Steve had finally realized that Pony wasn't a little kid anymore and Pony had realized that there was more to Steve than met the eye. Soda wasn't allowed to work on cars till his immune system was completely recovered, so he'd settled for talking Pony through the steps while Steve showed him. Pony didn't have much of a knack for cars, and it seemed that Soda loved finally being better than Ponyboy at something. As proud as he was of our little brother, I think he'd always felt a little bit of jealousy, though he'd never admit it.

I leaned against the front doorway, content to keep watching the friendly banter. I didn't want Soda to wear himself out too much, but it was his birthday and I didn't have the heart to stop him. I was grateful we even had a birthday to celebrate. It was two weeks ago that he'd gotten his first post-hospital infection and I shuddered to think that we'd come close to losing him again.

~_~_~_~_~_~

_I took a long drink of water and glared at the sun beating down. It was the middle of September, but summer was still going strong. It was fine with me when I was home, but the middle of a heat wave ain't the best time to be roofing houses. I sighed and took another huge gulp of water before turning to get a pile of shingles. Before I could get very far, the boss called to me from inside the building we were working on. "Curtis! Phone call!" _

_I frowned as I jogged over to him. The guys knew I got mad if they phoned me at work unless it was for a real good reason. I started to get uneasy as I took the phone. "Hello?"_

"_Dare?" Sodapop's voice came across the line and my stomach instantly dropped. He'd been home for two and a half weeks and every day I'd thanked God that nothing had gone wrong. We'd all known it wouldn't last forever though, not unless Soda had a horseshoe stuck to him._

"_What's wrong, Soda?" He wasn't calling me just to say hi._

"_I don't feel very good, Dare. I—I have a fever." His voice was small, scared. He knew what this meant just as much as I did._

_I tried my best to stay calm as I got more info from him. "How high is it?"_

"_102," he answered, and I swore._

"_How'd it get so high, Soda?" He was supposed to go to the hospital if it got over 100. _

"_I don't know! I took a nap and when I woke up I didn't feel right, so I took my temperature. It must've started when I was asleep."_

_I took a deep breath and gathered my thoughts together. I could get him to call an ambulance, but I didn't think the government program we were in would cover the bill. On the other hand, I wasn't too far from home and I had no problems breaking speed limits when I had to. "Okay, just sit tight, Soda. I'll be there as soon as I can."_

"_Okay." _

_I heard a click and I hung up, then quickly picked the phone back up and dialed. I waited impatiently for someone to answer, counting the seconds as they passed. Time was critical, but this had to be done. Finally, someone picked up. "Good morning. Will Roger's High School, Debbie Tanner speaking."_

"_Hi, I'm Ponyboy Curtis' guardian. I need to pick him up right away. I need him waiting at the front doors in five minutes." _

"_What's the reason?"_

"_Family emergency," I answered curtly._

"_I need more information than that for our records."_

_I bit back a growl and tried to keep my voice as even as possible. "Our brother almost died of cancer a month ago and I need to take him to the hospital. Ponyboy's coming with us. Is that enough information for you?"_

_There was a short pause on the other end and then, "Alright, I'll have him paged."_

_I slammed the phone down and turned around to find my boss standing right behind me. "Is he okay?" he asked, sounding concerned._

"_He's got a fever. I need to go…"_

_He just nodded and I took off running. He knew all about Soda's condition and what an infection could mean. I'd call him in the morning to let him know what was going on. I drove as fast as I could to Pony's school and found him waiting for me. The second he was in the truck I pressed on the gas again. "What's going on?" he asked anxiously. "It's Soda, isn't it?" There really wasn't another reason I'd pull him out of school in the middle of the day. _

"_Yeah. He called me at work. His temperature is 102."_

"_But he's supposed to be checking it!"_

"_I know. I guess it started while he was asleep."_

_We were silent the rest of the way. I barely had the car in park before we were both out and running for the house. Pony got there first and threw open the front door. "Soda?!" he called; I was right behind him. We both spied Soda at the same time. He was lying on the couch with his eyes closed. "Soda?" Pony tried again, kneeling down next to him. Soda slowly opened his eyes and I breathed a small sigh of relief that he wasn't unconscious._

"_Pone?"_

"_Yeah, it's me."_

"_I don't feel good, Pone," he mumbled._

"_It's okay, little buddy," I said, kneeling next to Pony. "We're gonna get you to the hospital and you'll be okay." _

"_I'm sorry, Dare," he whispered, looking at me. "I was asleep…I didn't know…"_

"_Don't worry, Soda," I soothed. "We're gonna get you better. We haven't come this far just to lose you now."_

_Soda gave me a small smile and closed his eyes. "I'm cold," he said quietly. Pony and I exchanged glances; we knew exactly what that meant. I quickly picked Soda up and Pony ran to open the doors for me. Soda was already shaking when I placed him in the truck. Pony climbed into the middle and I jumped in the driver's seat and took off._

"_He's really burning up," Pony said nervously, feeling our brother's forehead. Soda was shaking uncontrollably now and I pressed down harder on the gas pedal. The hospital was a twenty minute drive; we made it in twelve._

_As soon as we pulled into the parking lot I was out of the car. When Soda was securely in my arms, Pony jumped out of the truck and we rushed into the ER. The nurse at the desk took one look at us and hurried around to help. "He's got a fever," I said, following her as she led us to a curtained off room. "He's recovering from leukemia. He had a bone marrow transplant two months ago." She looked up at me sharply; I was sure that wasn't something she heard very often. _

"_When did his fever start?"_

"_He called me at work twenty five minutes ago. He said he woke up with it."_

"_Was Dr. Sheldon his physician?" I nodded. "Alright, I'll get him in here right away." She hurried out of the room and I gently laid Soda on the bed. He was still violently shaking, but he opened his eyes and looked at us groggily._

"_It's gonna be okay, Soda," I said for the hundredth time. I wasn't sure if I was trying to convince him or myself._

"_What's going on, Dare?" he asked, looking around the room. When he looked back at me, his eyes were hazy. _

"_You're in the hospital, Soda. You have a fever, remember?"_

"_No…" Soda's eyes were full of fear now and I looked anxiously at Ponyboy. Before either of us had a chance to state the obvious, Dr. Sheldon came into the room, followed by a man and woman I didn't recognize._

"_What are his other symptoms?" he asked quickly._

"_He doesn't remember calling me about the fever," I told him, "and he's been shaking like this since I got him in the car."_

_Dr. Sheldon quickly gave instructions to the other staff and they hurried out. "I'm starting him on antibiotics and some meds to bring his fever down. It's just a general antibiotic, though. I need to do some tests to find out what he has before I can start him on anything specific. Darrel, the tests involve needles. He needs to be held down while I do them because of his shaking. I can get someone else to do it…"_

"_No," I said immediately. "I'll do it."_

"_If he's confused, he might try to fight the tests. I'll have a sedative ready, but I don't want to give him one in his current condition unless I have to. Will you be able to hold him down if he struggles?" I knew he didn't mean physically; it was obvious that Sodapop was no match for me with how weak he still was. Dr. Sheldon wanted to make sure that I wouldn't panic._

"_I'll be fine," I said firmly. _

_Right then the other staff, a nurse and resident I assumed, came back in with medical equipment. "Darrel, take his shirt off and lie him on his back." I did as I was told, shooting Pony a quick glance. He was pale, but his face was set and determined. _

"_What's happening, Darry?" Soda asked fearfully once his shirt was off. The IVs were quickly inserted into his arm, but he was so distracted he barely noticed._

"_Dr. Sheldon needs to do a few tests. You're shaking pretty bad, so I've gotta hold you down, but it'll be over real quick."_

"_What kind of tests?" I saw Soda eye the needle Dr. Sheldon was preparing._

"_It's just a couple quick needles. It'll be okay, Pepsi-Cola."_

"_Are you ready, Darrel? I need to take a blood sample."_

_I put my hands on Soda and got ready to restrain him. I knew in his confused state there wasn't a chance he was going to stay calm, even for a simple blood draw. Sure enough, the second the needle pierced his skin, Soda screamed. It was just like he was a little kid again, but he was a hell of a lot bigger now. He may've been weaker after the cancer, but I was still struggling to hold him as still as possible. When the needle finally came out, Soda stopped screaming, but he was still bawling._

"_I need to do a lumbar puncture. Are you sure you're okay, Darrel?" I nodded stiffly._

"_Soda, I need you to lie on your side now. Can you do that for me?" Soda looked at me, eyes glassy with fever and tears._

"_I don't want to, Darry." It came out almost as a whimper._

"_Please, Soda. We need to get you better, but we need your help. I need you to be strong."_

_Slowly, Soda nodded. His entire body was still raked with chills, so I helped him turn onto his side and held him there. Soda grabbed my shirt as Dr. Sheldon injected the anesthetic into his back. When the spinal needle went in, he started crying again, but he was more controlled this time. Through the shaking, I felt his entire body go rigid from the pain. I held onto him tightly, making sure I was ready if he started struggling. For almost ten minutes he did as well as I could've hoped, but then it got to be too much for him. "Darry, make him stop. Please make him stop," he whimpered._

"_It's okay. It's almost over," I soothed._

"_Please make him stop," Soda repeated, louder this time._

_I looked at Dr. Sheldon. "One more minute," he said quietly._

"_Just one minute, Soda. You can do this, I know you can." I spared a quick glance beside me to Pony, who was holding Soda's legs. He looked like he was going to throw up. _

_Soda's cries intensified and I could feel him start to fight. Holding Soda down during the last minute of the test was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do, but I knew how important it was that we find out what was wrong with him. I wasn't even sure what the tests were for, but I'd learned to trust Dr. Sheldon completely._

_With Soda in tears, struggling to get away from the pain, I could feel my resolve breaking. It took every ounce of my willpower to keep myself from just letting go, but somehow I managed to hold it together till Dr. Sheldon pulled the needle out. When I let go, Soda stayed curled up on his side, still clutching my shirt. Pony ran out of the room and I heard the faint sounds of vomiting from somewhere down the hall. When he came back, he looked at me apologetically. "Sorry," he mumbled._

"_Did you at least hit a garbage can?" I smiled wryly at him, relieved to have the spinal needle out of Soda. Ponyboy nodded, a bit of color starting to come back to his cheeks._

_The nurse started checking Soda's temperature while Dr. Sheldon sent the samples off with the resident. "As soon as the results come back I'll adjust his antibiotics accordingly," he explained, turning to us. "For now, all I can do is keep him on these meds and monitor him closely. I'll have him moved out of the ER, too."_

"_Can we try to cool him down again?" I asked, remembering how Ponyboy and I had covered Soda with cool cloths last time._

"_It certainly can't hurt," he smiled. The nurse had finished taking Soda's temperature by now and showed it to Dr. Sheldon, who sighed. "It's gone up to 103.4." He asked the nurse to get us some cloths, then wrote on Soda's chart and left._

_I watched my younger brother, who still couldn't stop shaking. His eyes were swollen from crying so much and I thought again how unfair it was that this had happened to him. I would've given anything in the world to trade places with him. My mind flashed again to the night he'd almost died from a fever, to all the times he couldn't breathe, to when his heart stopped. I couldn't keep doing this; I couldn't keep sitting by his side wondering if this would be the complication that would kill him. I couldn't, but I would anyway. _

_I thanked the nurse when she came back with the damp cloths, and Pony and I started the routine of moving them around Soda's head and neck. After a while two more nurses came in to move him to a room in the oncology wing where he could be watched more carefully. As he was being settled in, he finally stopped shaking. He looked at us blearily as his temperature was taken again. "104.8," the nurse told us before writing it down and leaving us alone._

"_Darry," Soda whispered._

"_Hey, it's okay, little buddy," I said quietly. "You've had a higher temperature before and made it through fine."_

_He ignored my comment, or maybe it didn't even register with him. "Darry, where are Mom and Dad?"_

_I froze. Soda looked at me, his eyes full of pain and exhaustion. I had no idea how to answer his question. I couldn't bear the thought of telling him the truth, but my mind couldn't seem to work fast enough to come up with a lie. Fortunately, Ponyboy seemed to be in better shape. "They'll be here soon, Soda," he reassured our brother, rubbing a cool cloth across his forehead. "You've got us right now, okay? We're not going anywhere." Soda seemed satisfied with this and closed his eyes._

"_Thanks," I mouthed to Pony, who gave me a grim smile back. _

~_~_~_~_~_~

It had taken until the early hours of the morning for Soda's fever to start to break. Dr. Sheldon had come back to tell us that the lumbar puncture had showed it wasn't meningitis and the blood tests hadn't turned up anything interesting, either. It was just an ordinary infection.

Soda said he remembered the ride to the hospital and getting the tests, but not much after that. He had no memory of asking for our parents. The whole incident was still a sensitive subject, but he was dealing with it better than when he'd first gotten home.

~_~_~_~_~_~

_I went over to the couch where Sodapop was just waking up from a nap. Steve and Two-Bit had dropped by briefly to see how he was, but he'd fallen asleep and after quietly visiting for a while, they'd both left. Ponyboy had gone to his room a few minutes before to do his homework. "Hey, little buddy," I greeted, taking a seat next to him as he sat up._

"_Hey, Dare. Did the guys leave?" he asked, looking around the empty room._

"_Yeah, a little while ago. They didn't want to wake you up."_

_Soda frowned. "They could've stayed. I don't mind."_

"_We all want you to get enough rest. We don't want you sick again." _

"_Where's Pony?"_

"_He's doing his homework," I answered, but frowned at the change in subject. Soda had barely said a word since his fever had broken and had consistently steered any conversation away from his illness. "Soda, you're gonna be okay," I said, pulling him close to me. "We knew you were going to get sick at some point. The important thing is that you got through it."_

_Soda was quiet for a minute, then looked out the window. "It's raining," he observed. "Think you'll be working tomorrow?"_

"_Soda," I tried again, pulling back and gently moving his head so our eyes met. "You can't keep avoiding the subject. It happened, but it's done. You're home."_

_Soda scoffed and looked away. "Yeah, for now. What about next time?"_

"_Next time might not be as bad."_

"_Or it could be worse," he argued. "Darry, I remember getting to the ER. It's real fuzzy, but I remember it. I remember fighting you when you tried to hold me down for the tests. I don't want that to happen again."_

"_Soda, you know you're still going to have to get needles, even if you don't get another infection. We still have to go to checkups."_

_Soda sighed and shook his head. "It's not the needles. I hate them, you know that. But I learned a while ago just to bite my tongue and deal with them. I don't want to lose control again. I can't imagine what it was like for you and Pony, having to watch that…" He trailed off and I could hear his voice start to choke up._

"_Hey," I whispered. "Don't worry about that. I won't lie; it was awful having to restrain you, but I'll do it a thousand more times if it means you'll be okay."_

_He looked at me and suddenly cracked a smile. "A thousand?"_

_I realized my poor choice of words and laughed. "Okay, I'll do it once more, then you're on your own. How's that?" We both started laughing so hard that Pony came out of his room to find out what was going on. When neither of us could catch our breath long enough to explain what had set us off, he rolled his eyes and went back to his homework._

~_~_~_~_~_~

Sodapop still avoided bringing up the subject himself, but he didn't avoid it anymore if someone else did. He seemed happier, too, I observed as I watched him laugh at another mistake Pony had made. Ponyboy punched him on the arm, lightly, then tried to follow the instructions Steve was giving him. Soda noticed me in the doorway and wandered over. "He ain't really getting the hang of it much, is he?" he asked, nodding to Pony.

I chuckled and shook my head. "Not really. I wouldn't count on him joining you at the DX when you go back." Soda laughed and I was happy to see his eyes dancing. He'd tried to keep his spirits up during everything, but it was only in the last few days that he'd really turned a corner on that. His hair was starting to grow back, too. It was still short enough that it looked like he'd just come back from war, but it was getting there.

Pony finally called it quits on the truck when he saw Two-Bit come up the driveway. I headed inside with Soda, who plopped down on the couch, and went to get the cake out of the fridge. Ponyboy was babysitting a few hours a week again and I'd found another second job, but money was still tight after the week I'd had to take off. We were still trying to keep on top of the bills that had piled up over the summer. It meant we didn't have much money for presents, but Soda's birthday in particular was a special event this year and I'd scrounged up a few extra dollars for it. Pony had pulled a few strings with Randy to get a deal on a present we all knew Soda would love.

The guys came into the house and Pony helped me carry dishes out to the living room while Steve and Two-Bit made themselves comfortable. As everyone dug into the cake I nodded to Pony, who quickly snuck off to my room. When he came back he was carrying a small envelope, which he handed to Soda.

"What's this?" Soda asked, surprised.

"It's your birthday present, genius," Steve laughed.

Soda looked between me and Pony, the surprise on his face growing. "But we can't afford anything, not right now," he protested.

"Steve and Two-Bit pitched in," Pony admitted.

"It ain't refundable, so you may as well open it," Two-Bit prodded.

Soda shook his head at us, but he opened the envelope anyway. There was a small card inside and after reading the front he opened it up; a thick piece of paper floated out and fell to the ground. Confused, he picked it up. As he read it, I watched his eyes grow wide. "How did you guys afford this?!" he cried, looking around at each of us.

"Don't worry about that part," I said.

"Do you like it?" Pony asked. In response, Soda launched himself at Pony and hugged him, then did the same to me. I hugged him back tightly and took the paper from him to put it safely in his nightstand drawer. It was a gift certificate for twenty hours of riding at a nearby ranch. It had been a no brainer that Soda would be happy and it had been well worth it to squeeze our budget a little tighter in order to buy it in time for his birthday. He wouldn't be able to use it for a few months, not till he was given the all clear to be around animals, but it would give him something to look forward to.

I couldn't help but savor that thought as I rejoined everyone in the living room. We still had a few months to go before Soda would be in the clear, and there would always be the possibility of relapse, but now we could actually hope that he'd be okay and not feel like idiots for thinking it. Even his frequent doctor's appointments didn't seem so bad anymore.

I dug into my piece of cake and smiled as Soda polished off his own. His appetite wasn't back to normal yet, but it was well on the way. I tried to pull him into a one armed hug, but as he fell against me he lost his balance and toppled off the couch. On the way, he grabbed onto Pony's arm to try to stabilize himself, but ended up pulling both of us down with him. We lay sprawled on the floor, Steve and Two-Bit laughing mercilessly at us, but somehow I didn't have the motivation to get up. I had everything I needed right there.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~


End file.
